My Madness, My Saving Sanity
by NightElfCrawler
Summary: Beaten, broken and humiliated, revenge is the one thing that kept Starscream going. But is revenge enough to live on? And when the only place to turn to is your enemies, how long an a lie be convincing? How long can a charade be maintained?
1. Chapter 1: Amnesty

**My Madness, My Saving Sanity**

_**Chapter One: Amnesty**_

_By: Nightelfcrawler_

_Author's note: While this is G1 based, I've made Starscream a blend of his G1 and Armada personalities just because I find the dichotomy of it fascinating. It takes place in no particular timeline, following no particular events. Also, please review politely. If you haven't something nice to say, keep it to yourself please._

* * *

It was funny. I never thought about just how I would die.

I suppose, if I'd given it more than a fleeting thought in my dreaming youth, I might have believed my death would occur after a great achievement of some kind, having left my mark on the world. If I had given it more of a thought in my growing years I would have thought it would be in some glorious battle, guns blasting at my enemies, companions mourning my passing with fury when I went down. A warrior's death, filled with honor, glory and respect. Or at least, that was the romantic ideal that I cherished secretly… there was no way I would ever admit to it amidst my comrades. They would have laughed themselves silly. I had my reputation, after all. However, I never imagined it would be like this, beaten and defeated, abandoned alone on a god-forsaken planet with no one even thinking twice about what had happened to me.

Irony, it seemed, had a severe sense of humor.

I wasn't even aware how much time had passed, my chronometer was severely damaged, and likely missing altogether. I couldn't tell, my diagnostics were down, which was likely just as well… I'm certain I wouldn't have liked the readings. The only insufferable thing, other than the agonizing pain that refused to shut off, was that I knew I was not dead, and my death would be long in coming.

He'd planned it that way, after all.

He thought it was funny, leaving me here forgotten, unimportant. He thought it suited me.

He was probably right, it WAS funny.

How did I end up this way, you might ask? Do you REALLY have to ask? I finally crossed him one too many times. He got tired of my treachery. It was as simple as that. I had pushed his buttons once too many, and despite his insanity in keeping me around and actually not listening to my advice, he finally got one rational thought and decided I was more trouble than I was worth. He'd put up with my antics long enough, and finally snapped.

The pity was, he still possessed that insane masochistic streak that required he do his best to cause suffering to those who cross him.

Lucky me.

No, I'm not bitter. Perhaps I'm a bit sarcastic and laughing at myself. It's easy to reflect back on your life when all you have is time to think back on your mistakes. But if given the chance to do it again, would I? I honestly couldn't be sure. Events have a way of changing you. If I could have talked to that young sparkling I once was, I would have told him to not be drawn in by the bids of glory and conquest presented to his young optics. I would have slapped him silly for thinking a life of battles and action was exciting.

On the other hand, I REALLY couldn't see myself chained to a laboratory for the remainder of my life.

_Stop feeling sorry for yourself, what good does that do anyone?_

I could hear his voice chiding me now: the only person who I truly could have called a friend, the only one I had actually trusted in my life. Now that I thought about it, that was rather sad in and of itself. Trusting only one person, most would have said it was pathetic and just showed how shallow and insecure I was. I preferred to think of it as a survival tactic. The less people you trusted, the more chance you had to avoid being betrayed. It was how I had skated by all these years under His command. It had served me well, up until now. I had gotten sloppy.

Though, I suppose the point had been made by now… without friends, who was going to care that I was here thinking such thoughts of abandon.

Yeah, go ahead and laugh. You're right, there is some humor in the situation. At least it's something positive out of this slagging situation. One last glimpse of amusement before I pass into the stars for good.

Of course, it had been a fragging long time as it was… I was beginning to wonder if I would, could, ever die. Most ordinary mechs would have long since been offline, but yet something seemed to be stubbornly holding me to this world. I pondered on it as I had nothing better to do.

Perhaps it was my curse, punishment for the deeds I've done. Yes, even I'm not proud of most of them. I'm not as dumb as everyone thinks, I just act that way to dissuade them of the real genius that I hide within. If they knew how smart I truly was, that I had won outstanding commendations in my youth for achievements on global proportions, they might have seen me as a bigger threat, and of course that would have interfered with my plans. But it was times like this when I felt the humiliation truly wasn't worth it. At times I felt it was penance. After all, despite being trained for war, we had SOULS buried deep down within.

Some of us just hid them better than others.

Primus must be laughing somewhere…

He certainly had a sense of humor, having resurrected ME from what I once had been…

How long I lay there, I could not say. My consciousness faded in and out of memories buried somewhere deep within my processor, memories I had taken care to hide behind carefully constructed walls of my own making. However, I was not to remain solitary in my last hours.

My awareness snapped back to reality as I noticed something. The ground quivered slightly with footfalls that my audio receptors could not hear, for they had also been damaged. I could hear, see and monitor nothing. Only the vibrations of the earth beneath me told me that I was no longer alone. I couldn't even tell who it was that stood over my battered body. It could be anything from friend to foe. I hoped secretly it were the latter. At least my misery would be at an end, were that the case. Unfortunately, luck was not with me. I felt hands carefully lifting my battered form from it's resting place on the ground, more than one pair at that. Whoever it was took the care to be gentle, careful not to jar anything loose. It was a sympathizer to my condition then, or one who at least wanted to salvage parts or information from my processors. A pity I could give them no sign of my awareness, not that I knew what was happening anyway. I had no control, no power of my own.

It was humiliating.

It seemed ages of jarring actions, each step causing pain to shoot up my frame in fiery flashes of white hot agony. As I could make no sound nor movement, I had to bear the pain in silence, and bear it I did. I had little choice. Eventually the jarring steps stopped, and I felt my body being lowered down and placed on something hard and even, obviously not the barren rocks that inhabited this backwater little planet. I surmised it was a ship of some sorts, though could not determine more than that. I knew there were no dwellings or inhabitants of this rock, therefore those who had found me had come and purposely taken me with the intention of removing me from this location. For whatever purpose, I couldn't yet fathom. I likely wouldn't know until much later, if and when they repaired enough systems for me to know what was going on.

It turned out I was right. Again, time held little meaning. I couldn't even go into recharge, there was nothing systematically functioning to require it. Only my processor functioned at full capacity, constantly running with the internal monologue that did not permit me any reprieve. Fortunately, I had always been resourceful when it came to talking to myself. There were calculations I could permeate, diagnostics of planets and asteroids I could run, and even comparative analysis of the pathetic planet I'd been looking at before this whole incident started. I had nothing but time at the moment. I was on the fifth atmospheric analysis since I'd begun when suddenly realized someone was yanking something near my chest area. It was incredibly disconcerting, as I knew it was near my spark casing, and to boot it was very painful. But I could do nothing to stop the actions from occurring. However after a moment, all the pain abruptly shut off. Thank Primus, they finally discovered that my pain receptors were on. It was shortly after that they discovered my processor was online, and suddenly I knew nothing more, as I sank into blissful blackness.

Everything came on with a crackle through my damaged audio receptors. I could feel someone tinkering with them, muttering curses in our native tongue as he adjusted parameters. I could tell immediately that it was a patch job, as everything sounded tinny and thin, as if broadcasted through one of those small human radios. I could make out the words, but couldn't quite pin the voices and who they belonged to. Perhaps I had taken a stronger hit to my head than I had thought.

"You're SURE he's still alive?" Came a disgusted tone of disbelief.

"I told you, his spark is pulsing, it's not gone out yet, though it DOES look kinda odd.. He's alive, despite all odds. Don't ask me how."

"You think you can fix him?"

"I'm not a medic, but I know a thing or two about fixing systems." The voice came closer. "I believe I've fixed his audio receptors. He can hear us now, but won't be able to reply."

"And what good is that?"

"He knows he's safe, stupid. That counts for something."

"A lot of good it does him right now."

"You want to help instead of making snide comments? Be my guest."

"You know, the boss's gonna be asking where we are if we spend too long here."

"Let him." Came the irritated reply.

I thought it was curious. Why would anyone come looking for me, let alone be concerned? Though my thoughts were sluggish, I thought I knew who these two were. I would not have gone so far to call them friends, but they were comrades. My two fellow wing mates who often held me in high contempt rather than respect…

And they had come for me.

A burning feel of rage bubbled to the surface as I wondered one thing: why? Why had they come, most likely despite orders or lack thereof. This meant that HE didn't know they were here, that they had saved me, or there would have been hell to pay. Which meant they were either MIA, or on a cover mission. Why, though? Why would they risk their lives, their careers, for me? I certainly wouldn't have done the same for them, nor given it a second thought. Comrades perhaps, but not worth my own life. We were soldiers. We thought only of ourselves, only for our own lives and the future beyond. I would not have thought twice at leaving them if I thought them dead in the midst of battle.

Did they think the same?

Obviously not, or they wouldn't be here now. Curios.

Anger flooded through my processor. Anger at them for being fools at having such soft sentimental emotions, unbefitting of elite soldiers. Anger at my commander for putting them in danger by forcing them to hide the fact they were helping me. Anger at myself for suddenly realizing I'd been taking their presence for granted.

They had come for me. That was more than I had ever expected of anyone, and it sent a jarring course of strange emotions I had bottled up for ages through my very spark.

Through the following days, I knew they were working hard to repair the damage. Slowly systems came online one by one. My diagnostics remained offline, as did my optics for most of it until at last I was brought online to a static-filled black and white display of my surroundings through one functioning optic that had a very obvious crack running through the prism. The other remained dark. Squinting, I found myself in a small obviously abandoned facility, laying on what must have been a table of sorts, as I knew my elevation was too high to be on the floor. The walls were rusty and covered in filth, and I knew that it was fortunate my olfactory sensors were offline, as no doubt the place would stink.

A face drew closer to my optic, and a quick scan revealed it was one of two familiar ones I had assumed had been my 'saviors'. Unfortunately due to my lack of color designation, I couldn't tell which he was. However, it didn't take long to determine the answer as he spoke up. "So you're awake." The voice was clearer now, obviously my self-repairing systems had latched onto the damaged audio receptors and begun their work. "About time."

I didn't reply, though my diagnostics were offline it was easy to determine that there was no capability of speaking at this point. Something was disconnected. Solemn familiar eyes watched me calmly with a scrutinizing gaze that I found rather unnerving. I always had found my 'twins' to be an unnatural reminder of our origins. We three built of the same mold, yet very different beings. I was headstrong and ambitious, while the others were calm and patient and wild and unpredictable, respectively. We complimented one another nicely, which was perhaps why we worked so well together. But it didn't explain their loyalty to attempting to salvage my life. Was it a bond of familiarity, or merely loyalty to their commanding officer that drew them to me? I felt an odd twinge in my spark, realizing that it was in their hands that my spark's existence lay. I didn't like owing anyone anything. I existed to serve myself, and relied on no one. Knowing my fate lay in their hands was extremely unnerving.

Thundercracker seemed not to care either way, and continued to regard me coolly. "You're one lucky son of a glitch, you realize? How you're not dead is beyond me." I simply stared back at him in what I hoped was a defiant expression, though I had no clue if it came across as such; I couldn't feel my facial plates one way or another. Either way, he seemed unimpressed. "I'm going to bring your diagnostics back online now. You need to know there's no way I can repair all this damage." He crossed his arms defiantly. "I'm not a medic. This is way out of my league. I kept you from bleeding out, but you need complete structural repairs. You're just a pile of parts right now, most of which isn't even connected." I simply shuttered my functioning optic and looked away, not wishing to discuss my condition with him. Why couldn't he have been satisfied to leave me be, let the elements claim me. "Hey." His voice was irritated now. "Don't you look away from me. You got us into this mess by letting your aft get handed to you. You OWE us." I opened my optics again, seeing him glaring my direction. "We're risking our own necks to save yours, so you'd better be grateful."

Why should I? Grateful for what? Bringing me back to a world of barely functioning systems? Back to a world where I must watch my back constantly? What good would that do me? Why did he feel he owed me anything at all? Surely it couldn't be loyalty. Our kind had little loyalty, and if any it was normally directed towards the one commanding us all. What did he feel he owed me to save my life and skirt orders likely given. He seemed to guess what was running through my mind, for a sharp jab to my processors initialized a sequential flood of information that began to inundate my processors with new data. I cringed at the damage. Ruptured energon lines, severed limbs, fried circuits, damaged systems, and missing parts. Optics severely damaged, facial plates partially missing, cranium severely damaged, vocal processors missing, audio receptors on the mend, chassis and armor ripped and shredded, wings completely missing, weapons physically ripped out of their sockets, and while one leg was still attached if barely, the other was missing, as was an arm. HUD damaged, trans-scan and transformation impossible, communications offline… the list went on. I'd been right. I really didn't want to know the damage. But it was too late now. I was slightly impressed, considering my companion was not a medic, he had done remarkably well given the fact I knew that I had been much closer to death before his timely intervention. I had many questions, and it was frustrating knowing I could not communicate a single one to him.

He seemed to sense my frustration, for turned back to his work, tinkering with some main lines that connected my lower extremities. "I don't want to even know what you did or said to piss Megatron off this time. But you really got him steamed." Optics flicked my way, as I held his gaze. "He ordered anything to do with you purged, you know. As far as the rest go, you're officially dead. No one even knows you're alive, except Skywarp and me."

Great, I thought wryly. And this was supposed to cheer me up? At least it meant no one would be looking for me, but what of them? In a way I felt slightly relieved at this turn of events. If I pulled out of this, it would be the out that I needed to get away from Megatron once and for all, go and start over… forget everything, start my own life, my own goals, stop living in his shadow.

I felt a sharp twinge and suddenly pain flooded back into my processors as a switch activated somewhere near his work. Unfortunately, I could still utter no sound, no communication, nor move any portion of my body to react, and had to bear the pain in silence, before it shut off again, as I heard a loud click. "That should do it. You'll be able to use that leg again. The other's going to be a problem though." Optics slid over towards me, studying me calmly. "I know you're gonna hate the idea, but I think we need to bring in a specialist. We could hire a neutral, and with the damage you have no one would recognize you anyway. You're practically ripped down to your protoform." My optic narrowed in response, skeptical at his assumption, and he simply shrugged. "Fine. I'll do what I can, but I'm not a medic. You want to talk, fly and walk again, you're going to need someone trained in more than basic field repairs."

A specialist, paid impartial repair-bot or not, would be trouble. If none knew I lived other than my wing mates, then I had no enemies searching for me. All it took was a single word, a small hint or rumor and my life could well hang in the balance again. While it might not have been distressing to put an end to my pathetic existence, I did feel some hesitation when thinking of my wing mates. They should not suffer for helping me, not after putting their necks on the line. But did I truly not resemble the once proud warrior I had been? That in itself was distressing enough.

Unfortunately, I had little choice but to simply wait it out.

The repairs took excruciatingly long. I wasn't sure what excuse he had given, however he continued to do what he could to assist my systems in regenerating. It wasn't long, therefore, before I finally was able to twitch my attached limbs a little, and the connections to my basic functions were restored. I still had a communications blackout, and that was explained when finally I managed to tilt my head to catch a glimpse of my reflection in his polished cockpit on his front chassis. I looked like scrap. It was no wonder he had said none would recognize me. My once proud helmet had been torn off, revealing bare processor showing beneath shattered chassis, one optic had cracks and chips running through it's glowing red facets, the other was completely torn out with only wires exposed from the socket, and I could see holes and gaps everywhere in my upper chest plating, scorched and twisted metal that bared to the parts exposed beneath. I looked like a completely different mech, and had I not known I was myself, I would not have recognized my own face. No longer the proud visage of the Strategic Air Commander, what lay before me was a broken shell of the proud warrior I had been.

It gave me a whole new perspective on my existence.

They both came and went over the cycles. Sometimes they were gone for long periods of time, sometimes they would come and go frequently. I understood the reason, stealth and cover. However, I found it increasingly difficult to focus on anything positive without their familiar presence gracing my side. Where was I to go, even given the remote possibility that I might be repaired enough for a functioning life? If it were known that I lived, I would be pursued. I clearly could not lead a rebellion in my condition. I felt a tight pain in my spark as the realization hit. I would not be able to fly again… not as I was now. The pain of this knowledge was worse than any of the physical pain that I had faced. To have the one thing I enjoyed taken from me after this long… it was as if someone had delivered a blow to my spark itself.

This wasn't like me, I realized. I was proud, vain and strong. None had ever been able to take me down before, not Autobot nor any other… Well that wasn't completely true. Megatron… Megatron was the ONLY mech who was strong enough to put me in this state. Megatron, the one whom I so desperately hated with every fiber of my being. I loathed him so deeply that I tried at every opportunity to thwart his every move. It was no wonder I had received such a brand as a traitor, backstabbing coward. I would do anything I could to get my way, even if it meant humiliating myself.

Was it worth it?

I was beginning to question that now. Pride was both a strong point and a weak point for myself. I was proud of who and what I was, proud of my intelligence and wit, proud of my skills. I was strong, smart and to be feared.

I was also made into a laughingstock for the entire Decepticon army on a regular basis.

At whose hands?

You guessed it.

The pain, the humiliation, the constant repairs from his wrath… it was insufferable at best, and just plain torture at the worst.

So what was I to do now? I couldn't go back to Megatron's ranks, the death warrant had officially been sent out to ALL mechs, bounty hunters and all those others who would gladly kill me for free. But I wasn't about to just give up my thirst for Megatron's head. He had to pay for what he'd done to me… I know that I'd thought this a million times before, but suddenly I realized it was the only thing I had left… No command, no body, no safety, where could I turn?

It was then I realized, I had to make a decision.

When Thundercracker returned, I had already committed myself. Sure, it might have been an insane plan, but then since when had I ever stuck to the mundane?

We had worked out a system of communication, given my silent state. A flicker of the optic I still had left in a pattern could pass simple thoughts along, but not complex statements. Therefore relaying my idea to him was not as simple as it seemed.

"Feeling any better?" he asked conversationally as he continued his work. I replied with a flash of my optic, one blink for yes, two for no, and three for an alternative response. I indicated three blinks, which drew his attention. "What?" He asked, frowning down at me. "Pain?"

No.

"Problem?"

No.

"Idea?"

Yes.

"Ok, you thought about bringing a specialist in?"

Yes.

"Good." He seemed relieved. "I'm sick of repairing your aft. Megatron's already getting suspicious why we keep vanishing and parts go missing. I can get Hook, if we're careful, he'd never say no to a challenge even if it IS you."

No.

"What? He's the best we've got."

No.

"What do you mean no. Do you know someone better?"

Yes.

That had him pause as he stared at me with a clearly bemused expression. Then it dawned on him. "You're not thinking…" He trailed off with a thoughtful frown. I indicated yes again. "You're nuts. They find out who you are, you're toast, you know that."

Yes.

"You still think it's a good idea?"

Yes.

"I guess it's better than the alternative." He mused. Yes, we both knew what would happen if word of my survival reached Megatron. The safest place for me to be right now, ironically, was in the hands of the enemy. They had the best medic out there, and could protect me. In exchange, I would be giving up my freedom. But considering how I was far from being free in my current condition, I doubted it could get worse. My companion seemed to agree with me. He was smart, unlike our third partner. He understood my reasoning. "I think I can get you close. But once they got you, you're going to be in their hands… I can't help get you out later, not without revealing WHY."

Yes, I replied with a single blink. I understood the balance of risks. I had accepted them.

"You're sure? You've never been captured by them before." He frowned thoughtfully, having been the recipient of such an event once or twice. "You know they're not going to just let you go, IF they even agree to repair you."

Yes.

"Ok… your aft." He muttered uncomfortably. "But don't say I didn't warn you."

And so it was that cycle that he delivered my broken body onto the very doorstep of the Autobot's base. They didn't even manage to deliver a single blow before he'd dumped my body at their gate, with a single data burst.

Amnesty.


	2. Chapter 2: In Enemy Hands

**My Madness, My Saving Sanity**

_**Chapter Two: In Enemy Hands**_

_By: Nightelfcrawler_

_Author's note: While this is G1 based, I've made Starscream a blend of his G1 and Armada personalities just because I find the dichotomy of it fascinating. It takes place in no particular timeline, following no particular events. Also, please review politely. If you haven't something nice to say, keep it to yourself please._

* * *

The look on their faceplates had been absolutely priceless. I knew I would be laughing about it for mega-cycles.

No one had been up and about above the base when Thundercracker had done a fly-by and deposited me rather gracelessly on the hard dusty desert ground. But the transmission, and subsequent Decepticon signature appearing on their radars, had brought them to full attention. In no less than a breem, Autobots were flooding out of the entrance to their base, weapons at the ready and aimed suspiciously at myself.

I had known the Autobots were lacking in the intelligence department before I decided on this suicidal course of action… but I was a bit insulted that they were this DENSE.

"Is it a bomb?"

"Looks just like a pile of scrap…"

"I don't get it, who sent the signal?"

"Uh, bro?" I did my best to glare hatefully at the mech for whom I had little joy in seeing, despite the fact he was peering curiously into my staring optic. "I think it's alive."

"What?" I heard reverberating footsteps echo before the second hated face entered my line of vision. "Oh scrap. Better call Ratchet…"

Imagine… THOSE TWO showing SYMPATHY for me…

I must be worse off than I thought…

"Primus. I've never seen damage like this before." The Autobot's medic was clearly impressed and repulsed by the violence visited on the visage before him, once I had been dragged into his med-bay. "Even the twins never got fragged up this badly. You say someone just dumped him here?"

"That's what they say. Found him in a pile out front, no one's sure who dropped him off, only that it was a Decepticon signature that showed up and vanished before we had time to get out there."

"So I heard." Ratchet mused, already peering into my shattered optics. "Conscious, alive and torn to the Pit. Communications down, and I'm at a loss on how to make sense of this pile of junk… Can barely tell it was a mech, let alone identify him. Any clues, Prowl?"

The tactician studied me with intense optics, as I mentally uttered a curse and tried not to flinch from his gaze. Of all those I expected to make the connection, it would have been three people. Him, the medic, and their leader. The rest were as dumb as posts, in my opinion. ESPECIALLY those two frag-heads who had ungraciously brought me in here. Had they known who they were carefully carrying, I might not be here to think insulting thoughts at them. Nonetheless, they were not what I was worried about.

There were several ways to identify a mech. Each Cybertronian had encoding that was uniquely imprinted on our CPU if you knew where to look. Mine was 'accidentally' irreparably damaged. The other way was to download memories and data. If they tried that method they would come up with a blank corrupted file that had been uploaded and invented by myself, foreseen for any situation where I might find myself captured. Obviously physical identification was impossible with me, and my communications channels were completely thrashed. Still, there was always a chance… They knew me well, after all… They had fought me more times than I could count. They weren't ALL incompetent morons, just most of them. However my concerns were wiped when the Autobot shook his head solemnly. "There's no identifiable markings. Probably Decepticon, given his optical color, but there's so much damage. Can you at least tell me what his function was?"

"Hm." I could feel the medics' fingers prodding around my chassis. It was an unnerving feeling, but I had little choice but to bear it. I had been on the repair table more times than my comrades, and had built up a higher tolerance to being examined. Didn't mean I liked it. "He's so badly torn up I can't even recognize what kind of mech he was. His armor is so shredded that it's useless, I'm going to have to tear him down to basic protoform model to even begin to repair him." However, when he released my shoulder, I caught sight of his optics staring critically down at me. Did he suspect, I wondered? Medics were well known for being observant, I would have thought he'd know wing joints when he saw them. A suspicious thought entered my mind. If he was suspicious, or if he had figured it out, why was he not saying anything to Prowl? Would he say something to Optimus Prime?

"Have you tried removing ID codes manually to determine his identity?"

"Tried, but they're missing. Physically ripped out I'm afraid. Whoever did this obviously doesn't want us know who this poor slag-head is."

"Can we be certain he is a Decepticon?"

"It's a fair guess, though I have known neutrals and maybe one or two Autobots who used red prisms… but most who were reconfigured with red had a reason for it, and that reason typically was joining Megatron's forces. They always were the ones to favor the benefits of those specific crystal facets. If I were you, I would try looking for any missing Decepticons and see what we come up with. It's curious though that this one would seek OUR help rather than use his own forces. There must be a good reason for it."

"I will attempt to run a search on those who have left, gone missing or gone rogue. Unfortunately we haven't been able to trace their movements as of late, so it may take some time. I will keep you informed on my progress. If anything changes…"

"Don't worry, you've got cameras if he decides to pull anything. But I guarantee you, he won't be twitching more than a rotor for some time. He's got no weapons, and no armor, he won't be causing a fuss in his condition. I'm going to do what I can to restore him, but I'll need some specialized parts. I'm going to keep him here until I'm satisfied and have spoken with Optimus to see what he thinks."

"Understood." And with that, the medic was left alone with me, to my chagrin. I had no idea what to expect, frankly. His reputation preceded him. He was the top medic in the universe, as I was told, but his temper was also renown. His nickname came to mind quicker than his genuine designation. The Hatchet was well known and almost feared among Decepticons. A well-trained medic knew just what to disassemble to make you helpless if you found yourself injured and taken prisoner. However, I also knew he had outstanding Autobot morals that would keep him from harming his patient. I was counting on this. Unlike with Hook, I probably did not have to fear going into recharge.

"All right, lets' see what we have here. I know you can hear me, but you'll have to make do with just listening until I have time to work on your vocalizer. Vital functions first, then secondary systems." He said no-nonsense. I had expected this. It gave me time to think through just what kind of interrogation I could look forward to, as well as further explore what my cover was going to be.

Ratchet was good at what he did. He earned his reputation with flying colors. I was only vaguely aware of what he was doing. Most of it, I'm sure I didn't WANT to know. I could hear and feel harsh grating vibrations as he cut off the shredded armor, felt sharp yanking sensations as he tweaked various parts, removing what was damaged. I could see a steadily growing pile of scrap in the corner, and I began to feel a nervous flutter enter my spark. That was all from ME? Primus, was there going to be anything LEFT? I felt naked and vulnerable as he worked, and had to fight the urge to move or do anything rash, even had I the capability of doing so. His work was far more efficient and fast than my wing mate ever could have managed. Somewhere in there, I recalled him placing me into stasis, for the next moment I was suddenly coming online to a list of functions that were now online. Diagnostics, fuel lines and energon supplies were all repaired and full at last, finally. Most of my systems were still offline, but at least my readings looked somewhat more stable than they had been a short time ago. My chronometer was finally repaired, to my great relief. Apparently it had just been minor damage rather than a damaged part. I read that I had been offline for the better part of a cycle, which showed also in the medic's face. He was looking worn and drained. Had I actually had any sympathy for him, I might have thought it was NICE he'd spent all night working on stabilizing me.

"Whoever patched you up obviously didn't know what the slag they were doing." Ratchet muttered, glancing down at me as he reached forward and began to tweak at some of the wires in my dead left optical socket. It didn't hurt, but it was entirely disconcerting to see his white and red armor that close to me. Had he come this close before my injuries, I would have proclaimed a victory and mounted his head on a pike to boot…

Perhaps it's good that I'd never gotten the chance.

"You even realize how bad off you were?" He was muttering, squinting down at me as he worked at repairing the wiring in my optical socket. "Your diagnostics were online, but damaged… so I'm not sure you had a full reading. Let's just say you're one lucky mech right now." He muttered shaking his head. "I've saved my share over the years, some in critical condition… but I've NEVER seen anyone functioning on such little energon with so much damage before. I'm guessing you ended up on someone's bad side." His optics narrowed once more as he paused his work to study me. I forced myself simply to return the stare, not wishing to look away to give him any kind of idea as to what I was thinking. Fortunately he didn't pause in his work long, and was back tinkering in no time. When he finally slid something solid against my cheek, I felt a surge of relief to know at least I would have my vision back soon. It didn't take him long, and soon my missing optic had been replaced and he turned to replace the cracked facet on my remaining optic. Once he was finished, I began recalibrating them, relieved as my vision snapped back in place, crisp and clear.

Once he'd brushed his hands off, Ratchet turned back to me and hoisted me into an upright position, as my rotors were still not connected so I could not move on my own. He let me lean against the wall and then took a step back to study me. "Optimus will be stopping by shortly to check in on your progress, however I want to have a word with you first." I eyed him warily, uncertain where he was going with this. Did he know after all, or was he merely suspicious of my identity? Ratchet's gaze met mine evenly, seeming to sense my thoughts. "It's not my place to figure out who you are, if that's what you're worried about. That's Optimus and Prowl's job. My job is fixing up any patient that comes my way. Now this might seem an odd question, but it's necessary. Have you been experiencing any pain in your spark, any unusual disorientation? Granted, your damaged state might make it difficult to distinguish the pain from your injuries, but have you noticed anything specific?"

I squinted at him curiously. How was I to know? I hadn't felt any sharp unnatural pains that warned me of my impending death, if that's what he meant. Normally spark injuries did that. If he was hinting that my chamber was damaged, which I didn't doubt given what had happened, I wasn't in any pain from it at least. I had suffered spark chamber damage before, I knew what it felt like. I had none of that now. I shook my head negatively, relieved that the grating in my neck joints seemed to be repaired.

"Very well then." Ratchet said frowning back to the screen. I couldn't see what he was so concerned about from where I was sitting, but at that moment our eyes shifted when the door opened, and the puzzle of his words flew out of my processor in favor of more concerning situations.

My spark fluttered nervously as my CPU was flooded with dread, looking onto the face of the Autobot Commander. If there was another person I respected in this world, other than myself, it wouldn't be my own commander, it would be Optimus Prime. It was not because of firepower or ferocity, as he possessed nothing special in his arsenal. It was not because of his strategies and techniques, as it seemed the Autobots never anticipated our moves, or took precautions towards attacks. No, it was his presence and reputation that commanded far more attention, even though I knew if it was to come down to a fight between us, I would have had the advantage, were I at full capacity. Still, my spark fluttered as my optics met with his. He WAS after all, a Prime. If anyone could identify me, it might be the Matrix-bearer. Should they discover the truth, I was not going to remain in this plush repair bay for long.

For not the first time, I began to wonder if I truly HAD lost my sanity. What in Primus' name was I thinking, coming here asking for help?

"I see you've made progress."

"Yes." Ratchet replied simply, staring down at me thoughtfully. "While he won't be going far anytime soon, he's out of immediate danger, and I feel I can leave him to recharge normally. I still must finish connecting his internal communications system so he can at least communicate back with us, but I still have a long way to go until he's fully repaired, clearly."

"Do we have any information on who he is yet?"

"Nothing new." However, Ratchet's eyes slid over to me with what I took to be suspicion again. Did he actually know? The question was driving me nuts. At first I had figured it impossible, given my current state. However, medics were known for being meticulously attuned to their surroundings, and very observant. I was certain he had never worked on a Seeker before, as we had exclusively been in the Decepticon ranks. Still, he was an observant prick. In a way, I was glad he had not yet connected a new vocal processor. The moment it was calibrated to my speech protocols, it would give my identity away. I also didn't trust myself with my sarcasm. I was walking on a very thin line. "I can establish his internal communications system so you can at least talk to him directly. If he'll share anything." I shot him a narrow glare. How dare he assume! And here I was prepared to betray all the secrets that would get Megatron's aft handed to him on a platter. The NERVE!

"I'll look forward to your report. I will wish to speak with him the moment he's capable of transmitting." Optimus said with one final glance my way, obviously trying to possibly identify me himself. But as I watched, no recognition lit his optics. It appeared for the moment I was safe… which meant only one thing: I had to start working on a plan for when they DID hook up a communications system for me. I was going to have to explain myself, and telling the truth was the LAST thing on my mind at the moment, obviously.

After Optimus left, Ratchet eased me back down onto the repair table and sighed with a keen look in my direction. "If no one's said this yet, I'm going to say it now. If you have any idea in your processor of taking advantage of this situation, you're going to find we're not as hospitable as we're being at the moment. You asked for amnesty, and that's what you're going to get, but it doesn't mean we're going to trust you, got it?" If I could have smirked, I would have. Moron…

He put me into recharge then, thankfully sparing me from any further lectures. I'd rather have been facing Megatron again than listen to that junk…

The following cycle, I was greeted with an audience as I on-lined. Ratchet carefully lifted me into a sitting position and propped me against the wall adjacent the medical table, giving me time to glance about. Optimus Prime stood patiently waiting as Ratchet did his final adjustments to the back of my head. Prowl stood rigidly to his left, and that paranoid security officer…. Red Alert wasn't it, stood to his right. While Ratchet had worked, I was finishing up the final details to what I was going to say to them. I had carefully laid out an outline as to what I was going to say, and how I was going to say it. The last thing I wanted was to slip up and have this once chance ruined. If I played it well, I could abuse their noble honor to get my aft repaired, then high-tail it out of here the moment their guard was down. Ratchet finished his final connections to my internal communications system, and then I felt the wireless network spring to my control. I almost shuddered at the sudden flow of information buzzing around me. I hadn't realized just how _blind_ I had been without the constant need for data interaction, the stream of information under my mental fingertips. To have it back was suddenly like waking up after a recharge.

Unfortunately I didn't get much time to relish in the feeling, as Optimus quickly began his interrogation. He faced me with a solemn critical gaze in his optics. "You were brought here with a claim for amnesty. Is this true?"

_Yes. _I sent the text communication on the broad wavelength channel, as I had no idea what their leader's encryption was. Therefore, all present could receive my transmission. A bit sloppy, but effective at least to communicate. It also conveniently avoided any way of identifying me through my voice.

"Why do you wish amnesty?"

_Megatron wishes me dead. I have nowhere to go._ That much was true at least. I had no reason to mislead them. Decepticon or not, anyone who ran afoul of Megatron was as good as dead anyway. And what I told them WAS true. Megatron had exiled me and left me for scrap, I did have nowhere to reliably recharge.

"I see." Optimus frowned, and I knew what was coming next. "Why does he wish you dead?"

_I got in his way._

"How so?"

How to answer that without giving away my identity? Be vague. _He does not take well to being disobeyed. I suffered the consequence._ Generic enough.

"Then you are a Decepticon?" Prowl asked, as if it REALLY needed confirmation. I shrugged in reply, not denying it. There was no point, I hadn't been a neutral since I'd been a youngling, I wasn't sure I could play the part well enough anyway. Besides, they never would have bought it. No neutral knew where the hidden Autobot base on some remote unknown planet with biological life was. Only Decepticons already here knew that.

"You have every intention of honoring the code, by asking for amnesty? I am aware that some of your ranks do not honor such rules as they see fit."

_I will honor it._ I sent. For now, anyway. I needed their help. Why turn down good help when it was so easy to milk it out of them? _Besides, what choice have I? I cannot escape, nor attack or defend myself, in my condition._ It was true, unfortunately. I was not happy with the situation, but it was a sacrifice that unfortunately I had to make. They had disabled all weaponry, and a single laser blast would do massive damage to me without my armor. I was helpless before them. I did not plan to remain so long. I was nothing if resourceful. I had, after all, invented my own null rays out of a failed discarded experiment no one had thought twice of.

"True." Optimus admitted, agreeing with my statement. "But there will come a point where your repairs are sufficient enough that you could become a threat. I will trust you will honor the code. If you do not, or decide to break your word, you will be dealt with. Understood?"

Gee, they had brains after all… how amusing. Like I was afraid of what they could do. Hah. _Yes, I understand._

"Who are you?" Prowl was the one to speak now, no-nonsense and wishing to cease the dance of words. He obviously had wanted to ask this since the start of the interrogation, but had to defer to his commander.

I had thought carefully about who I was to masquerade as. Obviously, I could not go as myself or any chance at being treated 'nicely' flew out the window. Alternatively, I could think of no other of my comrade's names who would not arouse suspicion, and there was also the reality that I knew the Autobots would research any name I gave them to find out if I spoke the truth. So my options were limited, and I had grudgingly decided that rather than make up a name they couldn't find in any database, it might be safer to use a genuine name that they might still be able to find something on, but one they wouldn't find much information about.

It was still a name that made me mentally flinch. Nonetheless, I steeled myself.

_Skyfire. My name is Skyfire._

Had he known I was exploiting his name to make my getaway, no doubt he would have lectured me for hours on end, to much optic-rolling. However, it was a good lie for me to use. If they knew the truth of my identity, this would end here and now. By using my old deceased friend's name I could at least play the part well. This also ensured I could continue to remain undetected for the present. Anytime my aft was covered was a good thing.

"And your position?"

_Scientist._ True enough. At least I could play the part flawlessly. I could, however, sense the wariness of the others. They didn't believe or trust me, smart mechs.

Optimus glanced at his Security Officer, who already seemed to be running a check on the name. "Nothing comes up, sir." He finally reported. "No Decepticon labeled Skyfire anywhere in my database."

No… there wouldn't be, would there…

"Thank you, Red Alert." Optimus Prime replied thoughtfully, glancing to Ratchet.

"No insignia anywhere." The medic replied. "If he had it, it was either removed or ripped off on his missing extremities."

Of course they were, you idiot. I wore my insignia proudly on my wings.

"Can you provide us with information to verify your words?" Prime continued. "You say that Megatron has turned you away, therefore can I assume you can provide us with information you would no longer need to protect?"

I wished I could have smiled. That however, would have given me away, so I kept my emotions tightly reigned in. I had been called a traitor before, it was ironic that the first time I actually was going to WILLINGLY betray my own faction, they had betrayed me first. _I will provide you with anything you require._ Oh yes… I was being honest about that. I wanted Megatron to pay, and if providing them with codes, intel, and information only I was privy to, so be it. There were things only I knew, things that Megatron had not even realized I knew. I cared little if the others got caught in the fray resulting from my betrayal. The only ones I was even slightly concerned for would be my wing mates, but I also knew they could take care of themselves. They were no doubt expecting something like this anyway, knowing me well as they did. They would be prepared for any repercussions of dumping me with the enemy.

"Really?" Prowl spoke up, obviously not believing my intentions. "And what kind of intel could a scientist be privy to?"

Oops. Smart move. Luckily I could think quickly. _I was intricately involved with some of the top commanders. _True enough. _I know much of what they know._

"How do we know you're not lying."

You don't, fool. I almost was insulted. What was with them, the moment I tell the truth they don't believe me, but yet I get accused of lying when I'm not… Primus, I was sick of these games. _What can I provide to prove my intentions?_

"How about their base location?" One optic ridge lifted with curiosity.

This time, I permitted a small smile, taking care not to let much attitude show. The last thing I wanted was my sarcasm showing. It would be a dead giveaway, missing helmet or not. I was not stupid. I knew they already knew our Base location, or something close to it. If they didn't, they truly would have been fools. But they were testing to see if I was going to be truthful or not. I would play their game…Without hesitation, I broadcasted the co-ordinates to them. I saw optic ridges raise across the board.

"Are these genuine, Prowl?" Optimus murmured, clearly impressed by my forthcoming.

"It matches the data we have." He admitted grudgingly, studying me warily. "We knew the area, but not the precise location. We can quickly find out if he's telling the truth or not."

"Do it." Optimus studied me carefully. "In the meantime I will leave you in Ratchets' care and up to him to determine when you are fit to exit the medical facility. When that time comes, I will speak with you privately. You are not to have free reign of the base until then, understood?"

Oh yes, Prime. I got you. Loud and clear, you slagging goody-two-shoes.


	3. Chapter 3: Vulnerabilities

**My Madness, My Saving Sanity**

_**Chapter Three: Vulnerabilities**_

_By: Nightelfcrawler_

_Author's note: While this is G1 based, I've made Starscream a blend of his G1 and Armada personalities just because I find the dichotomy of it fascinating. It takes place in no particular timeline, following no particular events. Also, please review politely. If you haven't something nice to say, keep it to yourself please._

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I first became aware that Ratchet had mentioned his suspicions to Optimus Prime when I noticed the side-long glance the Autobot leader gave me during one conference just outside the medical bay doors. They no doubt had no idea I was watching, but I had long since perfected the art of on-lining my optics without illuminating their facets. It was a perfect ruse for Megatron. Sure, I might not see as well, but I could see SOMETHING which was enough in situations such as this. Nonetheless it gave me an advantage to watch my enemies while they pussyfooted around me warily. It wasn't obvious at first, as the medic continued to treat me the same, shooting me the occasional wary gaze. But when Optimus came in to check on me once more I noticed his optics were more critical than normal. Nonetheless, he didn't mention anything to me. Still, I knew that he had shared words with his commander, possibly discussing whether I was lying or not. Fortunately, this didn't affect his repairs of my infrastructure. Ratchet was true to his word, and replaced all the damaged circuitry and critical systems that I was lacking. Most of the repairs occurred when I was in stasis and I would wake to find a new limb attached and functioning.

It was several cycles later that I finally was given permission to move around the medical room. I was eager to do so, for more than one reason. The first was to determine where exactly I was. This was easy to unearth, as I quickly noted the security cameras and the lack of any internal door functions. A prison medical ward then. Fitting and appropriate. I slowly on-lined my systems one at a time then carefully pushed myself up into a sitting position. It felt strange, being able to move again after so long, yet it felt refreshing at the same time. My optics quickly lowered to my body and began a diagnostic. Ratchet had attached a functioning skeletal limb for my missing arm, it was bare and simple and close to my proper size. A quick comparison to my other arm told me that all it's primary functions had been removed, save the basic protocols of movement. No weapons, no transformation circuits, no armor. I cringed mentally then slowly eased myself onto my legs. At first, they nearly crumbled under my weight, but as I clung to the reclining bunk, I felt the energon pulsing down and strengthening the limbs until I was able to stand. I moved with a clear limp, which was expected considering my replacement leg was slightly shorter and less bulky than my repaired one. It functioned enough to get me to the flat reflective surface of a mirrored cabinet door, where finally I could get a clear glance at my visage.

Primus… I was a fraggin' mess.

It was better than I had expected, to be frank, but that didn't help the wave of disgust that flooded through me like a punch to the processor. The gashes in my cranium had been soldered back together, so no more wires and blinking lights shone from the open cavity, only a thin silver scar that stretched from between my optics to clear across the back of my head revealed that delicate processors had been close to being irreparably damaged. A scar… it was the least of my worries, but I couldn't help but feel repulsed at the idea of a handsome face ruined by disfigurement. My optics had been repaired, but I felt a twisted sense of disgust flood through me at the color that stared back at me. _Fraggin' blue?! _Granted, I didn't expect the medic to have red prisms just handy for his Decepticon patients, but the color of blue optics watching me sent shivers of disgust flooding down my chassis. Of course, I still couldn't recognize myself, so it almost was like seeing a stranger. No armor, no helmet, no wings… I resembled a simple basic protoform fresh off the operating table, silver limbs without any additions or alterations, chest bare and hollow with gaps showing to my internal systems. It seemed he had removed all my armor entirely. I suppressed a shudder of rage, my fist gripping the table tightly as I squelched my desire to shatter the mirrored surface in one swift blow, and distracted myself by running a thin silver hand over my gaping chest area. I could SEE my spark chamber exposed beneath the lines and pipes that connected my vital systems. I was completely vulnerable. It was even worse as I turned to study my backside, seeing the soldered remains of where my proud wings once had been attached. Ratchet had done his best to save the circuits and lines, capped them off in a jagged pattern, then welded the metal shut in a sloppy line that told me it could be undone to repair the limbs eventually. It was hideously ugly, and left me feeling broken and crippled. I had sustained damage to my wings before, even irreparable damage that had required replacements… but to lose both of them at once, to not even have anything there to remind me of my elegant stature as the Aerial Commander… It was… frightening. If the others for one moment figured out my true identity, would they show mercy? Or would they simply terminate me? Honestly, I didn't know the answer. Logic dictated that Autobots did not react in such a way that they would terminate a helpless prisoner, however my training told me differently. I was used to rash brutal actions, not mercy.

I shuttered my optics, leaning heavily on the table as my vents hissed angrily at the release of heat building up inside my systems. What was I now…? How low had I fallen to bring myself here? I was worse than a prisoner now, worse than a disfigured patient… I was a freak… something that should have died but somehow hadn't managed to even do THAT right, and now I was suffering the consequence.

Why? Why was I fated to slip by in life constantly avoiding disaster, but being punished for my mistakes?

The hiss of hydraulics drew my attention as the door opened. My head whipped as I wiped my face blank in time to regard the medic as he stepped within the room. "Good, you're up." Ratchet commented, an optic ridge lifting, obviously impressed I was on my feet so quickly after being revived. "Everything operational? Any pain?" I shook my head negatively. Everything seemed in order, far better than I had expected. My scanning systems were still off-line, but I figured that this was a safety protocol so I didn't know where exactly I was, and would find it difficult to launch an escape. "Good." Ratchet replied simply. "Prime wishes to speak with you. You are to be escorted to his office. Don't strain yourself, though." He warned dangerously. "Your lines are still fragile. No running, no arguing, no sudden movements or you could burst a line and then you'll be here under my care longer than I wager you'll enjoy. I've instructed the same of your escort, who is to keep you from harm." He grinned in a way that reminded me eerily of my faction members. "Get going then."

I slowly limped to the door, a bit wary of what I would discover on the other side. As the panels slid back I grimaced when I saw the Tactician standing there waiting for me. His optics scanned me quickly to determine what threats I might cause, then determined I was clearly incapable of causing much trouble. "Follow me then." He said matter-of-factly as he turned to escort me down the corridor. I followed in silence, though of course I had little choice given my missing vocal processors. I idly wondered how long it took to craft new ones. I'd never damaged them to the point of no repair before. Probably a fraggin' month with my luck. Oh the irony… The Screaming One was mute. It sounded like something Skywarp would give me no reprieve from. While it was a blessing having the excuse not to talk to avoid giving anything away, I was entirely unused to simply LISTENING all the fraggin' time! It was also abysmally frustrating to not be able to fully scan my surroundings. Nonetheless, I soon got more data than I cared to, as we passed down the corridor and turned into a busier hallway. I could feel optics watching me from every angle as we passed by others who paused to watch me with some curiosity and hostility. I was the enemy, of course they were hostile. But I assumed by now most were aware of my condition, and clearly did not view me as a threat. How could they, I was as defenseless as a sparkling for the moment. Primus, even that little yellow bee could take me out.

How humiliating.

We soon reached a massive door that I immediately knew must contain their leader's sanctuary, despite never having been within the Ark before. It had none of the elaborate flair and audacity my leader's chambers had exhibited. It was simple and plain, merely large enough to permit entry for his tall frame. Figures… No class, these Autobots, far too boring for my taste. Where was the FLAIR? "I'm going to warn you right now." Came a sudden statement from beside me, as my optics shifted to regard Prowl warily. "Don't try anything stupid. You've been tagged with an EMP pulse disabler. If you try anything, all it takes is one code and you're on the ground twitching. Got it?"

So that was the reason they weren't cuffing me and putting me in a cell. I bit back the automatic glare I wished to send his way, and simply nodded my head once in curt reply before he pushed the door open for me to enter. EMP disabler, frag I hated those slagging things. They HURT. Later I would have to experiment to see if I could disable or alter it without alerting them. The challenge immediately brightened my mood. I entered the room without hesitation, and did my best to stand tall, despite the limp that kept me favoring my right leg. I would not become a despot prisoner, I would remain proud. Optimus Prime was waiting for me behind his large desk, and indicated I take a seat on the chair placed before him. Grateful for the chance to get off my mismatched legs, I sank into the chair with a small expunge of exhaust from my intakes, the sound slightly re-assuring to my audio processor. That I was capable of making some noise was a welcome sign. I still felt uncomfortable face to face with the leader of my enemies, but as to date I had looked death in the eye more than once and lived to tell about it. It seemed routine by now.

"I hear from Ratchet that he's pleased with your recovery." The conversational tone unnerved me. I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised, I was a prisoner no matter how I looked at it, and to them it wasn't worth it treating a prisoner they wished to gleam information from with disrespect. Unlike Decepticons, Autobots didn't believe in 'immoral' concepts as practical as torture and mind-reading. They would butter me up in hopes I would freely share more. Fools. They really were wasting their time. I had already decided to share what I knew, it was the only method of revenge available to me at the moment, and it would SEVERLY piss Megatron off, given he thought I was dead. "I'm sure you understand why we have not restored your armor, weapons and transformation circuits. We cannot take risks at this point. However, as you have made the request for amnesty, we must consider your plea and conduct a trial to evaluate whether it can be granted or not. If you are willing to provide us with anything available to you, it will be more promising that your request be granted."

_I understand._

"Very well then. Let us begin with what you know."

The interrogation went far better than I had anticipated. I had prepared myself to be willing to lie, twist the truth and fabricate deceptions, but I found myself quickly adapting to answering truthfully about my knowledge as smooth as butter. He asked for classified codes which I gleefully supplied, weapons systems, numbers reports, mobilizations, plans and personnel files. All of this I granted him full access to, with only one slight modification. I knew that Megatron had wiped my existence from their ranks. If Prime and the others knew this, that could make them suspicious, so I omitted that particular detail, and led him to believe that I was still flying with my wing mates somewhere out there on assignment. It was likely the information of my downfall wouldn't fall into Autobot hands, at least not right away. Primus save me if they ever figured it out, though. There would go my chance at escape.

Overall, the conversation was actually quite… civil. Optimus Prime did not treat me as a prisoner, fool that he was. Instead he was polite and respectful, with courtesy when I hedged on an answer, never pressing me for anything I seemed unwilling to give. I began to wonder what on earth Megatron SAW in him as a rival. He seemed entirely ready to rely completely on the others around him, gather information and learn what he could before making a decision.

Good grief… what polar opposites the leaders were. As much as I despised the patient calm exterior the Autobot commander portrayed, I found myself respecting him by the end of our conversation. The scientist part of me could not find a way to see fault in gathering evidence before proceeding with any actions. It was the same thing I did for each of my own plots.

As strange as it was, when I was finished being interrogated, Prime gave me permission to travel the base, with restrictions on classified and security sections. I was allowed to roam the common areas and was give quarters of my own to utilize. The only condition was that a security officer was to keep me in sight at all time, and I was not to leave the base, though I was allowed to step outside near the entrance should I choose. Seeing as I could not run in my condition, nor transform, I assumed he felt safe in giving me some freedoms, especially given my co-operation. As they had still not uncovered any information on my assumed name, I was not raising any suspicion. It was highly unlikely they would uncover anything on my pseudonym, and if they did, they would simply find he had been a scientist long ago, and had vanished near the start of the war, easily explained if he had joined a faction's wing and not risen to high rank. For the moment, my decision to become someone else seemed to be playing off exactly as I had planned. Their guard was down, they were not treating me as a prisoner of war, but as a genuine defector. All I needed now was to disable that EMP device and get the Hatchet to re-attach wings so I could fly, or at least find a way to contact my wing mates now that I was no longer about to shake hands with Primus.

For now, I was merely satisfied to be able to finally see the sky again. Being indoors for who knows how long had taken it's toll on my temperament. Even without wings, I still held that claustrophobic streak that Seekers were known for possessing. Ironically, while I was able to contain it unlike some others I knew, it still gnawed at me deep within my spark. Lack of open skies, lack of flight… I knew if I didn't find a way to distract myself soon, I would start to suffer symptoms of that which Seekers flippantly called 'groundling syndrome'. I'd seen a few gone mad in the end from this reaction to being caged or grounded. It was not pretty. No, it was the sky that I longed for, and this that I took advantage of first. The endless desert sky called to me as I sat outside the entrance, staring up at it longingly. It was funny, really… When I'd first come to this backwards organic planet I remember being disgusted by the contaminants. There was so much organic bacteria, things that would corrode our systems, sand, water, wind, elements that affected us in minute ways of irritability. Yet, the more time I had spent soaring through the soft wisps of atmospheric condensation, the more I began to realize… I LIKED this planet. I never would have admitted it, and I hated it ground-side. But when I was airborne… I felt free… weightless… gliding over pure blue oceans, rugged terrain that I longed to do topographic studies of. I wanted to explore the natural geological wonders of this planet, something not built by hand as Cybertron had been, but something built by nature, elements, chance… It was unique, and the sky here was filled with so many challenging changes of atmosphere. Wind, water, electrical storms… all were fun to an experienced flier to play with. Would I ever soar the sky's open depths again? Would I ever feel the thrill of accelerating faster than ground vehicles could, twisting complex maneuvers in the air in perfect tandem with my brothers?

The loss hit me so strongly, that I didn't even notice I was no longer alone when a voice spoke up at my side.

"You look like you could use some company." My head turned to stare warily at the last mech I had expected to see. It was Optimus' far to perky saboteur. I wrinkled my facial plates with resigned disappointment at having my solitude interrupted, especially by one so particularly irritating. Jazz strolled calmly up the ramp to stand beside me, arms tucked behind his sleek striped frame, staring out at the sun kissed desert with a smile. "Pretty ain't it?" I just shrugged slightly, knowing he was only there to keep an eye on me. EMP pulse disabler or no, they still weren't taking chances. They probably figured Jazz was the least innocuous mech to send who might convince me to talk more and loosen up my processor a bit.

Just my luck.

"Ya know, most of the guys are taking bets how long it'll take you to cause some trouble."

I snorted slightly, amused. Of course they would be. But I had no plans to draw attention to myself, and if I were provoked… well I couldn't defend myself so I was likely more than not to simply retreat. As irritating as it was, I was smart enough to know when to keep my pride in check. Here, I didn't have to impress anyone with bravado, I could just sit back and enjoy the show.

"But I think that you could do more than that…" I blinked up at him a bit surprised. Just what did he mean by that? Jazz cocked an optic ridge at me and grinned. "I'm bettin' that you'll make some friends before you make some enemies. Care to give me an edge on that bet, Skyfire?"

I almost laughed aloud, or tried to. He was betting against those betting against me? How interesting. Suddenly, playing a game was very appealing to me… It would keep me amused anyway…

I slapped my hand into his and grinned.

Taking bets with an Autobot…

I definitely was losing it.


	4. Chapter 4: Unusual Revelations

**My Madness, My Saving Sanity**

_**Chapter Four: Unusual Revelations**_

_By: Nightelfcrawler_

_Author's note: While this is G1 based, I've made Starscream a blend of his G1 and Armada personalities just because I find the dichotomy of it fascinating. It takes place in no particular timeline, following no particular events. Also, please review politely. If you haven't something nice to say, keep it to yourself please._

* * *

I woke up with a sudden start, my head slamming into the under hanging shelf of the recharge berth with a violent clang before the pain set in. _Pit-spawned slagging scrap…_ violent curses gushed out of my processor, thankfully my comm. was not online yet, or I likely would have shocked others with my stream of obscenities. After all, who could curse better than the Triplechangers… I'd picked up more than a few new ones from them. I groaned as I lay back down, clutching my throbbing head in my hands as the pain began to ease. That probably left a dent… Like I needed more. My optics came on-line with a flicker, delivering the dim room to my view. The lights were still off, only the faint glimmer from the bunk illuminating the small closet. A small burst of panic flooded my processor before I dimly remembered to slap my hand against the wall. A loud clank filled the room and the lights immediately went on. They had altered the normal voice protocols to be super sensitive to sound just so I could turn them on without walking to the wall in the dark. Thoughtful, but at first they had kept going on when I had rolled over in recharge. I'd had to add my own alterations to make it work for my specifications.

I stared blankly at the ceiling trying to remember why I had woken up so suddenly. It was quiet outside, no commotion or annoying signals telling me someone was at the door. Since losing my voice, I had become even more attuned to listening to what was going on around me in order to keep from going insane from boredom. So if there was no sound that had distracted me, the disturbance had to be internal.

I sighed, and rubbed my head at the sensitive temples. Great… nightmares again.

It had started mega-cycles ago, back before the war… when THAT had happened.

At first, I had been able to manage them, terrified as I had been. But one Megatron found out that one of his newest soldiers had a small problem of fear, I was quickly blacklisted for discharge before I knew it. So, I'd come up with a way to circumvent these little episodes.

Granted… my technique was questionable, and my wing mates had commented on more than one occasion that my sanity had seriously been impaired. They probably were right. I rolled over and sat up, rubbing at the ache starting at my temples. The technique was rather ingenious. I'd installed a small chip in my processor that immediately triggered me to awake from stasis if any CPU activity heightened while in recharge. As mechs rarely 'dreamed' as the humans called it, such memory spikes were usually not important. The downside was it interrupted my recharge cycle and I rarely got a good nights rest when these episodes happened. Fortunate for me, these incidents had been fewer the past hundred thousand years.

I knew why they were returning. It was because I'd used HIS name… just that alone had brought back memories.

Frag him.

I slid out of the recharge berth and stretched a bit, feeling the dull ache of exhaust still haunt me. But I knew trying to return to recharge simply would bring about the same result, so instead I exited my room and decided to explore. The hour was still early, I could do some quiet thinking alone. My run of the base the past few days had been uncomfortable at best, tenuous at worst. I continued to get the occasional glare of dislike and mistrust from those around me, to which I did not blame them and actually was slightly amused. Were they to know the truth of my identity, they would have done more than glare… I idly wondered what their faces would look like when they found out, for it was inevitable that it would happen eventually, whether it was before I managed to leave their ranks or not remained to be seen. Nonetheless, it was nice to not have optics bearing into the back of my head as I entered the rec. room. There were only a few mechs in there, most of whom I didn't recognize. These were not the warrior crowd, they were those who stayed up late to work, or had the graveyard shift when most other mechs were resting. I chose a table and sat down with a cube of energon, pointedly ignoring the rest.

Unfortunately, as it was virtually an empty room, my entrance did not go unnoticed by the few mechs within.

A low whisper caught my attention, and though I pointedly pretended to ignore the speaker, I did tune in to hear what was being said. "Primus, what happened to HIM…? Who is he?"

"What, have you been in your lab this whole time, Perceptor?"

"Why, yes actually."

"Figures. That's the new arrival. Ratchet fixed him up. Some unknown Decepticon."

"In the base?"

"He's been stripped of anything useful. He can't leave the base either. We rigged him with a pulser."

"I see. Still, most curious."

"Hey, Perceptor, maybe you can put him to work." That got my optics lifting to stare in their direction, their conversation not private anymore as both noticed me listening in. I recognized Bluestreak as the speaker. "He says he's a scientist."

The red mech who apparently was Perceptor glanced my way, interest shining in his optics. "Really?" I studied him. He wasn't a vehicle, I could tell that immediately, and it was rare to find a non-vehicle Autobot. Which meant he turned into something more useful to his craft, as Soundwave did. My curiosity was piqued. "Perhaps you might be willing to assist me then, sir?"

I lifted an optic, wondering why he was being so polite. Most of the others weren't rude to my face, granted, but this one seemed overly polite. Then again, the others didn't seem to be distracted by it, so perhaps this was his natural behavior. _What exactly is it you are working on?_ I sent warily, unwilling to be roped into some stupid analysis that held little interest for me. Certainly I had a background in science, but there were limits to my boredom. I wouldn't lower myself to performing meaningless tasks.

"Right now I am studying space bridge technology."

Space bridge technology? Now that WAS interesting. I knew a thing or two about the construction of those devices, though I was not the foremost expert. I wondered curiously what exactly Perceptor was working on. Were they trying to construct a space bridge? Even Megatron hadn't gotten that far, the Constructicons were a bit lax on learning to do that particular bit of development. It required BRAINS to make. They seriously lacked in that department. The scientist part of me was definitely intrigued by the chance to study the mechanics. I glanced at him keenly, and downed the rest of my energon then stood up, lifting an optic ridge to him.

"I would be most excited for some fresh ideas. This way." No one was around as we navigated through the hallways of the Ark deeper into sections I had not yet ventured. We passed Ratchet's usual med-bay, not the one I had been a guest of for some time. We then passed a rather battered and blackened part of the corridor where Perceptor urged silence as we moved past. His only explanation when we finally were out of range was enough for me. "Wheeljack's lab." Right. Even I had heard of THAT Autobot. Not far beyond the safety radius of Wheeljack's blasts was Perceptor's lab. Neatly organized it might have been, but that did not mean it wasn't cluttered. The lab had more things stacked up in straight rows and piles than even I had in all my years in the Academy. I lifted an optic ridge, impressed as I saw schematics pinned up on the walls, and various half-completed projects laying about.

"I must say, it is quite a pleasure to meet you." His enthusiasm caught me by surprise as my hand was swept into his grasp. "I recall reading some of your studies while going through the Academy. As I remember, you are the recipient of several prestigious awards! This is a most fortuitous opportunity to be able to interact with you and learn from your experience." I blinked slightly, panic rising. Wait… how had he figured out what I'd done in the Academy? The realization hit me and I nearly smacked myself as my vents exhaled some small buildup of heat from my panic. Of course, he'd looked up Skyfire and he yet hadn't connected the dots to my 'partner' that is, myself… I supposed not, Skyfire's name would have gained more notoriety for his death, but apparently Perceptor hadn't read that article. And MY participation had conveniently been erased after my… abrupt departure from the Acadamy. My panic died and instead as I gazed around, I felt my old interests rekindling as I examined the lab equipment. It was like a blessing from my past… a distraction to keep me busy, to entertain my fancies temporarily.

I inclined my head. _I have had experience with space bridge technology, but never worked directly with the actual schematics. It does interest me, however._ Of course it interested me, if I could re-create any data we worked on, it would be very useful to me. A return to Cybertron held some fascination as well.

Perceptor blinked at the internal communications, but smiled brightly. "I see! That's most advantageous. I have been working solo on this project to date given that I do not trust Wheeljack's assistance in this matter." Even I cringed at the name of the inventor. He was very infamous in his ability to destroy anything and everything that got in his way, and I was definitely not looking forward to joining the ranks of his many failed experiments. I could sympathize with the scientist. "Therefore any assistance you might give would be greatly appreciated. I'm certain Optimus would have no objections putting you to work assisting me, if you yourself are amiable to such an arrangement?"

Eh… why not. It would give me something to do. _I will do what I can to help._

"Excellent!"

For the next several days, I busied myself with studying the space bridge technology that Perceptor had been creating. It was actually very intricate work, and challenging to boot. Oddly enough, Perceptor turned out to be not only knowledgeable in his current form, but also in his alternate form which turned out to be a highly powered microscope. Quite a boon. Needless to say, I found myself enjoying the time spent with him. Science was a way to forget everything, forget my allegiances, forget my woes. Perceptor might have chattered enough for both of us, but he was quite intelligent and together we came up with a myriad of ideas that seemed to mesh well together.

I found myself enjoying my work, my life… for the first time in mega-cycles.

And in the Autobot headquarters no less… that disturbed me. I couldn't figure out what had possessed me to do this, to go through with this charade and not attempt to offline any of my enemy in the interim. I realized that I was quickly being swept up in something far larger than I had anticipated.

Therefore, days later when I found myself actually seeking him out and, Primus help me, risking to sit down with Wheeljack as well, I began to suddenly feel an odd feeling in my spark.

I felt…welcome.

It was strange… I hadn't realized what this warm pulse in my chest was until it occurred to me that I hadn't felt this way since before the wars…

When I'd lost HIM…

It had been different with my wing mates. We had fought well at each other's side, sure enough, but this… this was almost…

Primus help me… were they becoming friends?

"Skyfire, something I have wanted to ask you for some time now continues to irk me." I glanced up at Perceptor, waiting patiently for him to stop blabbering and tell me what was on his processor. Wheeljack listened in curiously, as Perceptor spoke his mind. "You, being a Decepticon of course, still kept to your science roots… but I was under the impression that Decepticons did not favor the science arts. What's your story, if you don't mind me asking? How did you go from Science pursuits and join the Decepticon forces?"

I winced slightly. Was he HONESTLY asking me to share my life story with him? How moronic did you get? I stared into my drink, smirking a little. What would he say if he knew my story, MY story… I wondered. It was a unique opportunity I supposed. I had never told anyone just how I had come to rise to my current status as Decepticon Air Commander, nor told a soul about my life before. There had been only one who knew the full details, and he unfortunately was entombed on some remote planet, forever lost to me. My spark twinged again as the memory of my colleague whose name I had stolen reminded me of my roots. Would it really hurt to share some of it? It wasn't like I had to mention names… mechs were unknown before being re-formatted, and Skyfire's name while known in science journals, was nothing more than that. No description nor images of him existed, save in my own head. Who would know?

"Forgive me if I'm being too forward, but the topic does perk my curiosity."

_No, it's quite all right…_ I finally sent staring down at my drink without meeting his gaze, my own sudden desire to TELL him becoming a bitter overwhelming taste in my mouth. _I have not had the chance to speak of my younger years before… _

"I would be most fascinated to hear it."

I lifted my optics to stare at the two scientists, then shook my head. Some things were better left unsaid. I was not the sentimental type. Besides, I was not trying to kid myself. There would come a time when I would leave. It was best NOT to make any close ties. _It is not a story you would find interesting. Needless to say war creates necessity, I was molded into what I had to be in order to survive._

"I see… I understand. Nonetheless, I assume Megatron was unfavorable to your scientific endeavors… yet you found a way to continue to pursue them?" Perceptor asked softly, his expression thoughtful and understanding. He knew how war could interfere with science, he had been on the opposing side as I, dealt with similar circumstances of war interfering with his work. He knew how I felt.

_There were times he found it useful, but for the most part I did my research on my own in my quarters._ I admitted. _There was little need for 'thinking' when Megatron was involved. We were just supposed to follow his orders blithely._

"How frustrating." Perceptor said quietly. "To follow a leader blindly without thinking of what you were doing? I'm not certain I could do that."

_Don't get me wrong…_ I warned with a small frown. _I believed in his cause when I joined his faction._ Perceptor looked startled. _Don't mistake that the Autobots are the only ones with goals. When he recruited most of us, Megatron planned to fix the problems on Cybertron, do away with the old corrupt system that he found outdated and antiquated. We were going to start a revolution, bring glory to Cybertron and do a better job than the Council had._

Perceptor looked shaken. "I can't believe that. Megatron has just always wanted power… he can't have operated under any grand design as that…"

_That's what everyone here believes._ I pointed out. _And it's true for the present situation, but when the Decepticons first emerged, we did have a noble cause to fight for, a cause that ALL of us believed in. _I trailed off and frowned, staring.

"But you don't anymore?"

I hesitated._ As you said, Megatron only craves power now. Power and energy. All plans for restoring Cybertron to it's glory is completely gone now. He cares nothing for that, he just wants to rule everything. _ I sent bitterly. How ironic… wasn't that the same goal I was accused of wishing for? To rule above all else? If only the others knew how much I still clung to that wish to restore our home… to end it all so I could simply go back to working in my lab once more… _He has slipped into madness, a madness that I fear he will never return. All those who follow him now are blind fools…_

"You sound disillusioned." Perceptor remarked quietly. "Is that why you sought us out and requested amnesty?"

I was a bit startled at that revelation, but realized with some reluctance, he was right. _Perhaps in part. Megatron must be stopped, there is nothing more important than that. His goals are pure madness now… driven by his lust for power. If he were to win, he would simply strip this planet of it's resources, conquer others, and maybe one day return to claim his victory on our home world… but rebuilding is not in his plans. _Though emotion could not carry through the text conversation I sent out, my bitterness must have shown on my face, for Perceptor nudged my elbow with his, trying to prompt me out of my silent dismal reflection.

"Your words are much like our own goals, my friend. Perhaps you have found the right place to be after all… I do hope that you are able to remain in our ranks. Your knowledge alone is invaluable, but your passion just as important. We dream for the same things, you and I… Perhaps Autobot and Decepticon are not as divided as we thought."

Perhaps… I thought to myself. But then again, I was a rare breed. Most of the other 'cons ENJOYED following Megatron. I was the only one who had constantly risen up to stand against him, certainly for my own goals, but nonetheless…

Where was the dividing line anyway? Was there really a true separation between what made a mech an Autobot or Decepticon?

I downed the rest of my high-grade in a hurry.


	5. Chapter 5: When Slag Hits the Fan

**My Madness, My Saving Sanity**

_**Chapter Five: When Slag Hits the Fan**_

_By: Nightelfcrawler_

_Author's note: While this is G1 based, I've made Starscream a blend of his G1 and Armada personalities just because I find the dichotomy of it fascinating. It takes place in no particular timeline, following no particular events. Also, please review politely. If you haven't something nice to say, keep it to yourself please._

* * *

"No, re-route this system here. If we give it full power, it's more likely to avoid a backlash."

_Fool! What is he doing?!_ I thought wildly as I shoved the red mech aside none too gently and began to rapidly re-route systems.

"Wait, what are you doing?!" Perceptor asked alarmed, watching my fingers deftly input the calculations without hesitation. "You can't pull power directly from the core! It will overload!"

"Wait… wait look I think I see what he's doing."

Thank Primus for the insane scientist. Why was it that those with lack of sanity usually understood my methods more than the rational, I wondered as I pulled the final lever, and the bright red warning alarms abruptly shut down.

"Slag… that was close. He vented the coolant just in time."

"How'd you do it?" Perceptor leaned in, optics wide with curiosity. "You re-routed power from the ventilation systems to power the main coolant? I never would have thought of that… the two systems are normally incompatible."

_Improvisation. Sacrifices can be made for the greater good._ I shot back, slightly irritated as I leaned away from the panels, energon charging my systems like a rush of electricity. I'd forgotten how thrilling it was to use my intellect in such a critical moment. It was far more exciting than battle.

"I got to hand it to you, Skyfire." Perceptor said, one hand slapping onto my shoulder. "You are very handy to have around. I'm glad you joined us."

It had been several months now, and the flash of guilt that had once accompanied the use of my fallen friend's name had long since stopped pestering me, thank Primus. Even the nightmares had eased off again. I felt like an entirely different mech, one who had fully embraced the lifestyle of, ironically, being an Autobot, despite the fact I was still a prisoner, the others had come to realize my scientific knowledge and experience were highly useful. We had built better security systems, communications systems, and secured far more important data than they had in orns before my arrival. And I hated to admit it, but I was actually becoming comfortable with my presence here... when we indulged in some energon all boundaries went down and we would laugh over the same things in the end.

However, I had to keep reminding myself that this couldn't last forever. One day or the other they would discover my true identity. I hadn't yet convinced Ratchet to finish installing armor and weaponry systems, nor to remove the EMP generator. Time was ticking quickly. I couldn't keep the ruse up forever, something was liable to happen one of these days.

That day, it turned out was today.

I was in the middle of a curious game called poker, which I had exceptional skill in, being that I was an adept liar. I currently had the twins up double their energon stash, and Bumblebee had already folded. Jazz and Prowl were hanging in tightly, refusing to back down from my winning streak, and Ironhide had long stopped caring, preferring to watch from the sidelines as he indulged in some high grade himself. Had I known I would be sitting here with my mortal enemies ENJOYING myself…

Best not to think about it.

It was then as I pulled a card out of my hand, that I felt the twinge within my spark that declared something was not right. Concern for my well-being immediately washed through me. I had been stable for months now, why the sudden glitch? Distracted, I blinked then lifted my head sharply the same time a communications announcement blared over the speaker.

"All stations report! We have incoming!"

A cold feeling clutched my spark, as at the same time, I received a sudden flash of insight. Something was wrong. I felt… a chilling sense of foreboding. In my mind's eye I could clearly see two figures descending at a high rate of speed right towards the base. I shook my head, puzzled. Why…? How did I know this? It had to be a hallucination.

Everyone moved at once. I didn't hesitate as I rushed to the control room, the only room I had permission to occupy in times of crisis at this point, as my usefulness was critical in situations as these. Red Alert didn't even glance my way as I burst in, already fast upon updating everyone. However, it really was unnecessary. I knew with one glance who was fast approaching the base. Abruptly I knew there was not a thing wrong with ME. THEY were running from something, and coming in far too fast for any error in maneuvering. I felt a strange feeling inhabit me, a feeling of dread.

"Stand by. Do not fire unless fired upon. Remain in position until we determine the nature of their arrival. Do we have identities?"

"Negative, sir, they're still out of sensor range." Red Alert replied to Optimus' question. "Decepticon signatures is all we know."

But I knew who they were. My spark fluttered wildly with a sudden uncharacteristic pulse of panic. I put a hand out to the Security Officer. _Don't fire on them. Wait to see what they want first._ I suggested. Primus, this was going to be complicated.

"They probably want you, buddy boy." Muttered the mech. "Keep forgetting your one of them."

Abruptly at that moment, a communications came in through open channels. "Amnesty!" The voice cried urgently. "We surrender! Hold your fire! You granted Amnesty to our comrade, grant us the same!"

My spark surged at the pleading tone. It was completely uncharacteristic of the normally calm blue seeker. What were they fleeing that would send such a desperate signal out? The answer was fairly obvious as I silently pleaded for Thundercracker to shut up and not say another word. Curse Ratchet for not installing my long-distance communications array! But that wasn't my only problem at the moment. Red Alert glanced my way, and it was then that I realized this was going to be trouble, one way or the other.

The next words sealed my fate.

"Where is he!? Where is Starscream!? We need to talk to him!"

I felt the energon run cold in my valves.

Oh Frag. Not good.

Red Alert's head snapped in my direction, his optics wide and focused on me with unhidden shock. He had figured it out, though the others had not yet connected the dots.

"Stand down your weapons." Came the clear order over the communications frequency from none other than Optimus Prime himself. "You are mistaken, we do not have Starscream in our custody."

"You're wrong!" Came the same desperate voice. "I dropped him off myself! I KNOW he's here! We need help now!"

It was then I realized WHY.

I had never explored the eccentricities of bonds before, having never been emotionally close enough to anyone in order to form one. I knew of the different kinds that existed, though my wing mates were the last two mechs I had ever thought I would develop that close of a friendship with to form a team bond. I had purposely kept myself apart from everyone else to avoid this exact situation, yet it seemed since my fall from grace I had not managed to escape this unique situation after they had saved my life. There was nothing in the world that could prevent gratitude from warming my normally cold spark. It seemed this situation had changed me more than I cared to admit to myself. Still the realization didn't stop me from reacting. Anger or not for this strange development, I was NOT about to abandon them when they needed me. I would not owe anyone my life. I didn't even care that I startled the soldiers in the hallways as I slid sideways down the corridor, bolting for the entrance with all the speed my repaired legs could muster. Ratchet had done a fine work fixing the mismatched length, bringing my optics back to 100 capacity, and repairing all my critical functions. Additionally, I was thankful not to have armor weighing me down, as I practically flew out the entrance, startling those standing guard as I bolted like a streak of silver towards the two figures crouched in the sand before me, weapons from dozens of soldiers trained on them.

With luck I could make it to them before someone remembered the fragging EMP pulser implanted in my chest. Otherwise this was going to be a short trip.

Thundercracker's optics lifted sharply to stare my way as I slid to a stop directly in front of him. I saw shock registering on his face at my appearance, and momentarily reminded myself that I must appear in horrible condition, considering I lacked weapons, armor and wings, and sported several ugly scars across my visage in addition to color shifted optics. However, I felt a strange surge in my spark as I arrived, recognition flashing through his optics as he realized it was me. The Autobots were the last thing in our minds at this point. The rest could frag themselves, but this was my duty not only as their commander, but as their...friend.

Skywarp was in bad shape. One wing was torn in half, the other missing. Energon was splattered all over his black and violet frame, and there were numerous gashes and blasts littering his body, half welded together with what appeared to be a rough patch job to keep him from bleeding out. I recognized Thundercracker's work immediately, having been the recipient of his patch-jobs before. But it wasn't the low energon levels that concerned me. It was the dying spark that was sputtering into nothingness the more clicks passed. Primus only knew how he'd gotten so fragged up with his teleportation power usually aiding his escape from such injuries… unless he hadn't seen the attack coming. However, I didn't have to ask to know what was going to happen if we didn't do something.

I suppose it was fortunate that I understood a little something about spark mechanics, and given our newly forged team bond, I figured what the frag, this COULD work. I'd heard of weirder things happening.

I dug my fingers into Skywarp's torn chassis and wrenched my wing mate's cockpit off without caring what damage I did to it. I wrenched my own chassis wide open to the elements without hesitation gesturing Thundercracker to do the same, and I could feel the brilliant blue glow of his own spark being exposed as he complied. As one, we moved, Thundercracker placing Skywarps' hand directly above his spark, his hand positioning above mine, as mine hovered above Skywarp's dying spark, forming a three way connection. I ignored the shouts of warning around us, as I braced myself for the shock I knew would come.

It came with a bright crackling glow as we three were linked together as the connection was joined. The flow of power was white-hot and painful, a reminder of the death nearing our brother. Thoughts, emotions, memories suddenly slammed together in a flood of confused motion. I could see the pursuit that had driven them here, their secret in hiding me having been what had prompted the attack on my wing mate. I had no time for guilt, however. For a moment, everything burned hot, the intensity of the connection strong and vibrant as our thoughts merged, overlapping with the urging intensity to our brother not to give in. At first, I thought we were too late, as the pain intensified as I could feel his spark stuttering. Then, as our link strengthened, his awareness joined ours as he became conscious of our efforts to save him, and slowly his spark surged stronger. As we watched, the glow brightened to a blinding nova of light sparking between our three life-forces, energy crackling brilliantly in the connected cycle, before Skywarp's hand twitched in Thundercraker's, and pulled back. The light died away, leaving dancing spots of blackness before my optics, and leaving me feeling drained, both from the energy loss and the emotion of nearly having lost my wing mate. Dim red optics flickered back on beneath us, as Skywarp stared upwards alive and spark-strong, rejuvenated by the jump given by his two wing mates. However, stabilizing his spark hadn't fixed the damage to his body… he still needed urgent medical care.

I let out a shaky sigh, and sat back a bit, realizing suddenly how quiet it was. My optics shifted back to the Auotbots surrounding us, weapons trained on the three of us, wary disbelief in their gazes. Well they hadn't fired yet... "Impossible." Murmured an astounded Ratchet, positioned beside Optimus Prime as the leader regarded me impassively. "I've never seen anything like it."

I didn't pull away, knowing that I was deep in the Pit now. But it didn't matter anymore. I felt an odd sense of peace within me. It was strange… I hadn't known that the three of us had ever been this closely connected, though I suppose I should have expected it. We had worked together for a very long time and trained as the Seekers in one complete unit. It made sense, even if we had not been directly aware of it before, we had somehow still known that our immaterial bond linked us as brothers in soul as well as spirit. Still, underneath the relief and warmth pulsing from the charged electricity we had shared, my CPU questioned the hows and whys of what we'd just done, saving our brethren's life… The scientist part of me begged to analyze it.

Unfortunately, it also spelled disaster, despite having just saved Skywarp from certain early termination, I now found myself ironically facing the same situation. It was time to face the truth. Slowly, I rose to my feet and turned to face the Autobot leader, shoulders square, head high. I would not beg for my life, nor defend myself. I was proud of who and what I was, and it shone in my optics defiantly, even as weapons trained their targeting beams on my silver protoform. Still, I didn't break contact with Optimus' gaze. I knew he wouldn't eliminate me for he was too soft, still the doubt remained seeing how steady Autobot cannons remained trained on my chassis. The proverbial cat was out of the bag… but I had known one day it would happen. Now that it had, I was not about to back down like a coward as I had with Megatron. The tyrant had taken that fear with him when he'd tried to permanently offline me. I would not be intimidated any more.

Optimus seemed to be considering the situation, for his optics shifted back to Thundercracker who was still protectively holding Skywarp, watching the scene impassively. He had made no motion to activate his weapons. Finally, he spoke in a quiet voice. "Take them into custody. Ratchet, deal with the injured. The others are to be individually locked up in separate cells for now. When you finish stabilizing Skywarp's injuries, I want you to focus on repairing Starscream's vocal processors. I want him capable of speaking in his defense."

Ratchet shot me a narrow glance, but oddly enough it held no venom in his blue stare. Again, suspicions flashed across my processor. How much had the medic truly known this whole time, and how much of it had he shared with Optimus? "Yes sir."

And without so much as another word, I was led unceremoniously back into the base, courtesy of a very angry tactician's watchful eye. I gave him no grief. It was pointless in any case, as any cheek would merely get myself in further slag than I was. Therefore, I entered the cell without a fuss, and turned as the energon spiked bars were ignited, before I settled myself in a sitting position in the corner, and waited.

It didn't take long, as my private comm. crackled. _'Screamer?_

_I'm here._

_You look like slag. I barely recognized you._

_It looks worse than it is, TC._ I replied with a tinge of amusement. _Considering the status I was in when you left me in their care, I have come quite a long way._

_Still… your wings. And you think you're taking the 'pretend to join the Autobots' bit slightly too far with those blue optics?_

_I know. They don't have the parts or schematics to fix them properly. If I'd asked for a color change they'd have laughed in my face._

_I'm sorry._

_Don't be. If it weren't for your help, I would have shaken hands with Primus by now._

_I'm glad you're alive at least. I wasn't sure you still were or not. But when we got closer…_

_I know. _I sent quietly. _I could sense the two of you as well._

_So what the frag happened to us? I've never felt anything like that… It was weird. I'm still not sure WHAT we did._

_Seems we're stuck with each other._ I sent bitterly. But as much confidence as I portrayed to him, I was not certain it was as simple as a team bond. That was what concerned me so much. The feeling I had experienced was still there beneath the surface now that I knew what to look for… it was a warm pulse that felt like a reassuring presence in the back of my mind. I could sense the both of them there, as if they were a part of me. I'd never heard of such a thing happening. A spark bond between friends and comrades was rare, but it happened now and then. The Twins had a different kind of bond though on a similar level from what I understood. They were brothers, sparked as one and with a bond that knit them closer together than even mates. It was different from a spark bond formed between lovers, this was on a separate plane. It was a bond of closeness, of camaraderie. But no such spark bond had the ability to jump-start another's spark, to my knowledge. And I had never imagined that it would have happened between the three of us. Sure, we'd worked together, but the other two had always seemed irritated and irked at me half the time. However, they had shown me their loyalty in saving my life… perhaps there was more to this than lay on the surface. My head spun at the possibilities and questions. Ratchet HAD mentioned something different about my spark… did it have anything to do with this? A shiver ran down my spine and I made the decision to think this over later. I pushed the dilemma aside to focus on more pressing issues.

_What in Primus' name are you two slag-heads DOING here?!_

_Unlucky us got royally fragged. Somehow Megatron found out that we helped save you, and that you might not be as dead as he thought. He doesn't know where you are though, thank Primus. Anyway, you can guess the rest._ There was a brief pause. _He's gotten more unstable since you left._

_Is that even possible?_

_Trust me, it is. He's doing all kinds of crazy slag. We're not the first he's banished since your 'death'. Don't think we'll be the last either. He was ranting and raving and throwing tantrums every day… never in a good mood. He even trashed the communications room and then made us fix it._

_Figures. Once a megalomaniac, always a megalomaniac._

_You should talk._

_Shut up._

_The Autobots seemed surprised out there. Why?_

_Perhaps because they didn't know who I really was._ I shared bitterly. _I thought it smarter they didn't know._

_So who were you going as?_

I paused. The topic of my missing friend was an extremely touchy and sore one for myself, and they knew better thank to ask about him by now. They had not flown with him, nor known him… but they knew of him from my experiences, my memories I had shared through the years. I mentally sighed and decided it wasn't important whether they knew or not. _Skyfire._

There was a pause. _Wow. Ballsy._

_Shut up._

_You're slagged now._

_So are you._

_Maybe so, but at least we're slagged together. _

_I suppose I can take some comfort in that._ I admitted with a grimace. Oddly, I didn't feel that distressed about our situation. I was merely glad that Skywarp would live. The rest would come as it may.

_Would you two shut up? Slag, a mech can't recharge in peace anymore._

I smiled. Speak of the devil.

It was good to have friends again. Friends… yes…. They were.

But what the slag had I just gotten the three of us into?


	6. Chapter 6: Lines of Grey

**My Madness, My Saving Sanity**

_**Chapter Six: Lines of Grey**_

_By: Nightelfcrawler_

_Author's note: While this is G1 based, I've made Starscream a blend of his G1 and Armada personalities just because I find the dichotomy of it fascinating. It takes place in no particular timeline, following no particular events. Also, please review politely. If you haven't something nice to say, keep it to yourself please._

Note: Thank you for pointing out the failed italics. Just goes to show me to always proofread in the editor as well as in word, as has a habit of droppin' em.

* * *

"Hey… Screamer."

_Shut up, TC. I told you, don't call me that…_ I sent lazily, not bothering to online an optic to see what he was up to. Since having no wings, I'd been relishing in the one small glory I'd discovered, as odd and unnatural as it was: the ability to sleep in odd positions my wings had never allowed me before.

"You got a visitor, Sleepin' Beauty."

That got my attention. I onlined my optics and turned my head to see a familiar red paint job. I sighed softly. _Perceptor…_Great… the last person I wanted to face right now.

The scientist was regarding me from the other side of the energized bars with an unreadable expression on his normally open and cheery face. In a way, that was worse than hatred, which at least would have told me how he felt. I slowly rolled over and sat up, but did not move towards him, expecting that he had something angry to say to me. Whatever. What did it matter anyway what he thought now, anyway? It was over and done with. However, as I faced him, his expression did not change, but his voice came calm and quiet with a trace of disappointment. "Tell me something, Starscream…" I met his gaze evenly, weaving my hands together as they rested over my knees. "I need to know the truth…" Thundercracker watched calmly from his seat on his berth, his crimson optics curious at the confrontation, obviously wondering why the scientist had come to see me. I however studiously attempted to ignore his presence. Perceptor remained calm, though his voice quieted more. "When you worked with me in my lab… you said you enjoyed it. You said that science was one of your strongest passions, and one you regretted not pursuing full-time. Were you being honest when you said this, or was it merely a ruse to learn what I had uncovered about Space Bridge technology?"

I blinked, as a strange crushing feeling suddenly locked itself around my spark. As much as I wanted to snap a sharp reply to the Autobot, tell him that of course it had all been a lie, of course it was just to learn what they knew… I found myself suddenly unable to form the words. His optics were calm and neutral, but as I stared up at him, I almost could feel the expectation of my answer radiating off of him, prepared for me to tell him what the others obviously thought my goals were… and suddenly… I was tired of the façade I often wore to boost my reputation, to make others fear me… I realized that façade wouldn't fool Perceptor. He wanted to know the truth, and the truth was…_ It was no lie._ I finally sent, taking care to use the private comm. channel rather than the wide-broadcast so Thundercracker wouldn't overhear my half of the conversation. He probably could figure it out, but that wasn't the point. For some reason this felt private to me. _I meant what I said. It was the truth._

Perceptor studied me carefully. I had shared enough time working with him to know that he was trying to analyze me, trying to determine if I was really being truthful. For a moment, I thought he was going to simply turn around and leave, abandoning any attempt to reconcile with me. That was, after all, what most people would have done while facing the traitorous Decepticon 2nd in Command. They wouldn't have given me a second thought. But after a moment, his optics softened slightly and a faint smile passed over his facial plates, truly surprising me as I realized that he DID believe me. "Truly? I am very relieved to hear that." He moved closer, and to my own astonishment, I found myself rising to stand across from him on my side of the bars. Even in my protoform I still stood a good few feet taller than he, though my slim build was far more slight without armor. He glanced up at me with a studying look. "I must admit, when the others told me who you really were, I didn't think it was possible. To believe such brilliance came from one who we know for such violence… it seemed a contradiction. Could you explain it to me?"

I blinked. He couldn't be serious. Being asked to explain my life story to him in this moment? It was not something I cared to divulge just yet. I had yet to tell even my wing mates some of my own past. I instead shuttered my optics and chose my words carefully. _Some things are not meant to be explained…_ I said slowly. _I will not make excuses for my actions… but I will say that my life turned to lead me in this direction and while I regret some of it, that does not mean I would have made a different choice._

"You would rather war than research?"

_Research would not have made a mark in the world, as it is now. I likely would be dead. Fighting kept me alive, and I left my mark._

"At what cost, I wonder." Perceptor murmured. "Death… murder… destruction… that is no choice I would have made."

_I am not you._

"Clearly." Perceptor said softly. His optics lifted to study mine once more. "But what path will you choose now? You have more than one option before you… you could choose to embrace science rather than war once more."

_Perhaps._ I said slowly, frowning a bit. He did have a point, however it was an unrealistic view given our current situation. _But I am a warrior now. I cannot simply abandon that part of me any more than I can completely abandon science. It is a part of who I am. Perhaps when we have nothing left to fight for, then I might be able to fully pursue that path, but for now…_ I shook my head slowly, optics suddenly unfocused as I thought how nice it would be to bury myself in a lab without worrying about battles once more. An impossible dream, unfortunately. No, war was in my spark now… and trying to remove that spark of violence was like trying to remove salt from seawater: it involved a lot of heat and separation.

"I believe I understand." Perceptor surprised me as he smiled. "But do promise me one thing… that you will work with me again. Your ideas were brilliant."

I stared at him blankly, not able to comprehend his open-minded philosophy. _You… don't object to working with the former Decepticon Air Commander?_

"Not at all. Perhaps it's nostalgia, but science is far more interesting to me than anything else, transcending the boundaries of enemy and comrade. We worked well at peace together before, I feel at ease we might do so again, if you are still amiable to the idea." He turned and lifted a hand. "As I am a scientist and have not engaged you in battle, perhaps my perspective is different from the others… perhaps that is a good thing."

_Perhaps…_ I agreed as I watched him leave. Then, once he'd gone, I thought quietly to myself. _More than you know…_

_Screamer….?_

_What now?!_

_You've got issues._

_Shut up._

* * *

It was half a cycle later that I was again interrupted from my well-needed recharge. Lights flickered on, and the sound of energon bars disengaging brought me awake. I grudgingly onlined my optics only to reveal a very solemn face staring down at me. I fought the urge to grimace_. Prowl._ I sent coolly.

"Starscream." He replied evenly in a formal tone lacking any emotion. He and Soundwave had a lot in common, only the difference in the Decepticon was he had been sparked that way. Prowl CHOSE to act this way. "You have more courage than I ever gave you credit for, playing us for fools like this."

_You were fools to fall for it_. I sent with a smirk, unable to stop from taunting him.

"We found no mech labeled Skyfire in any database."

_You wouldn't._ I replied, my smile fading. _He died millennia ago._

"I see. One of your many victims?"

_No!_ I snapped, surging to my feet despite my desire to remain calm. My optics burned with anger at the accusation. _He died before the war._

Prowl's optics revealed nothing of what he was thinking as he studied my face. "Before the war." He stated with a thoughtful expression. I knew what he must be thinking. What was the mighty Air Commander like before the war? I had no intention of enlightening him further. "Prime wishes to speak with you."

_Wonderful._ I sent bitterly, crossing my arms. _Well, I've got all day. Tell him to come down and he can kiss my shiny af--_

"Watch it." Prowl said sharply, his optics narrowing. "I am tolerant of many things, but listening to anyone speak ill of my commander is not one of them. While you have been at our base you have, surprisingly, been very co-operative to the point we had no idea of your deception. This either tells me you are better at acting than we thought, or it tells me that you are so desperate that you would collaborate with the enemy willingly. Either way, you have behaved yourself, and I will do what I can to ensure others do not take advantage of your weakened position. Co-operation is in your best interest. I suggest you don't antagonize the situation and put yourself in more trouble than you are in currently."

_How KIND of you._ I sent bitterly.

Prowl just stared indifferently at me. "You do realize you aren't going to be released now that we know who you are."

_I came here asking for amnesty. Has that changed? Will you no longer honor the code you so eloquently quoted me? Where is your Autobot honor? I loved being right, oh yes I did._

That made him frown. He knew I was being logical. I had him pinned. "As long as you behave, we will honor our bargain. But you are not free to roam about, for obvious reasons."

_I get it already. Now let's get this out of the way._

"As you wish. Step outside the cell." The Tactician ordered. I did as I was told as Thundercracker watched our conversation calmly from his berth in the next block over.

_If they do anything stupid, tell me. Warp'll get us out of here pronto._

_Warp shouldn't teleport in his condition._

_Doesn't matter, he'll do it anyway, you know him._

_They've likely installed dampeners to stop him anyway. Just let me handle it. They can't be worse than Mega-ego._

_Point. Just be careful. They ARE the enemy._

_Don't you think I'm quite aware of that, idiot? _

Prowl was extremely observant and didn't miss the sidelong glances we shared, but he said nothing about it as he pointed for me to turn around as stun cuffs were attached to my wrists. He wasn't taking any chances now, even with the EMP pulse generator that was still active in my chest cavity. But for the moment, there was no reason for me to try and escape. I still could not fly nor transform into any form at all, unless I scanned a ground vehicle. Without armor it would be extremely vulnerable, and my spark shuddered to think of resorting to that. I refused to be grounded, I would rather not transform at all. No, for the moment the best plan was to take advantage of our captors soft sparks and stay put. At least they weren't mistreating us, which was more than I could say for Megatron's typical hospitality. Most of the time when I ended in the brig I came out worse than I had come in. At least here my limbs were better than when I had arrived.

Prowl lead me down the corridor, and though it was quiet and empty I heard some mutters rippling off of my audio processors from down the hallways. Prime had obviously told the others to keep back and not antagonize me, but they were finding those orders hard to follow. More than one glare stole in my direction from various mechs. I smirked quietly at the irony of it. Only a day ago they had accepted me as a friend, of sorts. Now, I once again was their hated enemy, killer of their colleagues, a Decepticon. Convenient how they'd forgotten the battle lines when they hadn't known who I was… Yet, despite my urge to gloat, it was a little depressing. Though I would not speak of it to anyone even on pain of death, I had enjoyed playing the part of my old friend and being accepted. My spark ached a little realizing it had been a foolish hope that I could have fit in anywhere like that. Decepticon camaraderie was different from Autobots. There was a rough brutal edge to everything one did even when relaxing. Fights among ranks were common, as were many frequent drinks, and no one truly trusted the others, even those they called friends. I knew very little about any of the Decepticons, aside from my wing mates. We all took efforts to keep it that way. And I had no desire to learn their stories, I probably would have been bored or disgusted anyway.

My optics lifted as we approached the door of the Autobot Commander's office. Prowl didn't give me any additional warning, but we both knew it was unspoken hovering above our heads. Don't frag up. We're watching you. Uh huh. He opened the door for me and I entered before he shut firmly behind me with a solid boom.

Optimus was waiting.

I was usually considered to be an observant mech, as my rank required such a trait. I knew how those around me behaved and acted, but then I was used to empty frag-heads who didn't have much personality to hide. Optimus Prime was not such a mech, not so easy to read, and thus I felt a slight shift of my spark as I straightened my shoulders and approached slowly, stopping before his desk and refusing to take the seat. He noticed this and a small sigh escaped from his exhaust pipes. "If you wish to be treated as a prisoner we can oblige. However as you came asking for amnesty, I continue to consider you an extended guest."

_Really._ I stated wryly, flexing my wrists within the cuffs. I found that hard to believe.

Optimus reached forward and pushed a button on a small remote sitting on his desk, and immediately the cuffs fell off clattering onto the floor. "I apologize for the security measures, but until we are certain exactly what your intentions are we must take precautions. I am fairly certain you pose no current threat to us or anyone else on this base given your current condition. Your comrades will be held until we determine a solution to this situation."

I lifted an optic ridge and lightly rubbed my wrists as I carefully studied him. I hadn't expected this. The moment they'd found out I figured our numbers were up. That's what Megatron would have done, keep his prisoners for questioning, torture then do away with them once they weren't useful anymore.

I kept forgetting these Autobots were soft.

Was it softness though? Pity? Weakness? I had always thought so before, sneered at their stupidity and pathetic morals. But now that I was on the receiving end facing a one-way road, I suddenly began to get a better grasp on the concept of justice…

Thundercracker was rubbing off on me, slag him.

"Now, please have a seat if you wish while we talk. It is your choice of course, but I imagine we might be here for some time."

I frowned but slowly slid my protoform into the waiting seat. I could do with a rest I supposed, the leg that had been replaced still ached a little. I sat and then lifted my optics to regard him solemnly, trying to figure out just what he was going to ask. Secret plans, schematics, codes probably. I could provide him with all of that of course but I wasn't going to give it away free anymore, there would be a price. This was a bargaining session, not an interrogation.

Therefore I was completely unprepared for the question that was posed. "How are you feeling?"

I blinked in surprise. _What?_ Not my best display of intelligence.

"How are you feeling? I understand Ratchet was concerned there might be some adjustments required after you had broken in your new repairs. Is everything working to your comfort?"

He had to be joking. He'd just found out he had the most valuable prisoner of the Decepticon forces short of Megatron himself and the first question was about how I was FEELING? I couldn't decide whether to snap a sharp reply or laugh. _I am feeling no pain._ I sent warily. _A little stiffness, but it is a far play better than it was._

"Indeed. Ratchet informed me that he still cannot determine how you managed to stay online with such grievous injuries."

_I am tough to kill._

"So many have discovered." Optimus' voice sounded slightly amused. I permitted myself a smile in return. At least we respected each other, when it came down to it. Unlike Megatron, Optimus saw all others as equals when it came to conversation. I could expect not to be spoken down or subjugated to derogatory remarks. Still, I had never before been captured by the enemy, for I was too quick, too cunning. Now that I had finally become their 'guest', I was a bit confused. I had pictured what it might be like being a prisoner of the Autobots, this definitely did not fit the mental image. "I have discussed the matter of continuing repairs to your structure with Ratchet. He has agreed to make the attempt."

That got my attention immediately as anything else flew out my mind in an astro-second. _You would repair me after knowing who I am? _Was he NUTS? This was going to be far too easy. I wouldn't even have to milk them of their sympathy.

"I have a few conditions before we approach that issue, but I see no reason to deny critical repairs to your structure. We do not believe in leaving someone defenseless, enemy or not, and we will do what we can to restore you. You came asking for help and we plan to provide it. Ratchet is already storing diagnostics while doing repairs on Skywarp." Optimus leaned forward on his desk studying me. "Do not misunderstand me, however. The request for amnesty is still being considered despite discovering your true identity, however you are not permitted to leave, and I feel more at ease keeping you restrained in the brig for the moment."

Despite the promise we were still prisoners, I felt a flutter of excitement rush through my spark. Finally a sign of hope. No longer grounded to this mundane existence of slowly crawling about in the dust. It was smothering, suffocating not being able to soar through the clouds. Even were I not able to fly free yet, simply possessing my wings again would be enough to stave my cravings for flight. Some of the depression that had set in since my arrival began to dissipate. I had thought the moment they discovered my identity the hope of ever flying again had just been destroyed. After all, why would they give their enemy wings to escape with? Were they simply taunting me? I lifted my optics to study Prime's face. He was serious as always but that was nothing surprising. There was always a catch to every offer. _What exactly do you want from me?_

"First, I want to know what exactly happened to make you seek assistance with your sworn enemy. You knew what might happen if you came here seeking aid, yet you came anyway, or was that your comrades' idea?"

I sighed slightly. Primus, the truth was so boring. I wanted to lie about something, but found myself unable to find a good reason to do so. _It was my idea._ I sent blandly. _Were we to seek out a neutral medic he likely would not be someone very skilled, and there is always the risk of information leaking. I'm sure you don't have to imagine very hard to figure out what would happen if someone were able to get me on their repair berth while in recharge. At least seeking refuge with you would prevent word of my survival from getting back to Megatron. Besides, everyone knows you Autobots have the best medic. _I smirked despite myself. _After all, you need his services more often than we would._

Optimus studied me calmly, not taking the bait of my snide comment about his troop's effectiveness in battle. "You are in hiding then?" I shot him a glare, but refused to grace him with a response. He wasn't THAT stupid. "I see." He said solemnly, his optics taking in my dour visage. "Might I inquire what you did to warrant banishment of a murderous nature?" The unspoken phrase 'this time' hung between us.

_He doesn't need a reason._ I spat irritably. _He grew tired of my constant rebellious attitude, and finally snapped. He has grown more and more unstable over the past orns. He lashes out for the smallest error, and finds perverse pleasure in carrying out his rage upon the closest mech available. _

"And I might assume given your rank, that would be you?"

_Predominantly._ I grumbled.

Optimus frowned. "And you put up with this? For what reason?"

I frowned again. Was Optimus actually pitying me? I felt a surge of anger and bitterness rise within me. Did he HONESTLY think that I was something worth pitying?! I fixed him with a pointed sharp look. _Are you feeling SORRY for me Prime? How TOUHING. Don't bother, I don't require your sympathy. You obviously do not understand Decepticon politics._

Optimus looked a bit taken aback. "To be truthful, no. I cannot see why brutality among the ranks would achieve anything positive."

_But that's the point isn't it?_ I drawled, leaning back in my chair a bit. _Decepticons do not operate as Autobots do, Prime. Decepticons rule by fear. We were established as such, and it continues to be so today._

"I just can't comprehend such methods…"

I sighed. Really, did I have to explain it to him? I spoke slowly as if I were explaining something to a sparkling. _Megatron is the one who founded our new faction, this you know, yes?_ At his nod, I continued as patiently as I could make myself be. _Megatron started out as a gladiator, a warrior. He was such when he gathered the first of us, trained us to be as he was. This is how he runs our forces. It is not for the weak. In order to move up in rank, you must prove yourself worthy of achieving that rank by defeating the current holder of that position._

Optimus looked startled, to my amusement. "You fight your superior for his position?"

_Yes._ I sent with a small twitch of my lips trying to hide my urge to smirk. _Is it such a stretch, Prime? We are warriors, soldiers, and we are run as such. If a warrior is strong enough to defeat his superior, he is clearly the more fit mech for the job. How do you think I gained my status as Air Commander?_

Optimus sobered quickly, a tense expression reflected in his optics. "I see. You defeated your commander?"

_Exactly._ I said smugly. _I challenged my commander and won. I have held the position since. _

"And this explains why you challenge Megatron so often…" Optimus mused, sudden realization seeming to strike him.

_Exactly. There is only one position higher than mine. I was second-in-command, Air Commander and his right hand. Megatron's position is the only thing left for me to strive for, and you cannot deny it would be nice to be rid of him._

"You are right, I cannot deny that." Optimus said solemnly, though we both knew he was probably thinking I was no better of a choice as leader. "However, that does not explain the brutality of punishing his officers with physical reprimands."

_Like I said, Prime…_ I drawled again, smirking. _You obviously don't understand Decepticons as well as you think you do. It's EXPECTED that a superior officer reprimand his troops in such a matter. It keeps them afraid, in check, and helps discourage rebellions. All commanding officers are expected to discipline their troops in this manner, it's the way it has always been done. Those who do NOT discipline their troops usually do not remain commanders for long. We are not soft-hearted fools as you Autobots are, we are trained to fight, that is how we operate._

"And what of you?" Optimus said slowly, studying me critically.

I winced. Frag, he'd caught me. _I am respected well enough without having to resort to such base tactics._ I sent stiffly. _My wing mates and I are a team, we are a unit that does not have problems some of the more volatile troops have._

"I see." Optimus said with a hint of a smile from behind his mask. "I cannot say I understand your factions' methods, but I suppose it does explain a few things." He sighed. "But you have not answered my question. What happened this time?"

I sighed. Here it came. It was odd that I didn't actually have to lie for this one. _To be honest I'm not quite sure… I was going through some old files he had stored in the Nemesis computer banks… He discovered me and grew very angry at something I'd found, but in all honesty I don't know what it was that set him off. I hadn't even managed to open the files to see what they contained. He flew off the handle and decided I was finally more trouble than I was worth and took genuine steps to be rid of me permanently. _I had long since stopped trying to understand his methods of madness. I was tired of the lifestyle as much as I was tired of dealing with him, yet I had known if I left and abandoned his cause he wouldn't have just let me go. He would have come after me and sent all his troops to finish the job. This way I managed to survive if barely, and he wouldn't come looking for me. It was a bitter cycle.

"You didn't get a chance to see the names of the files by chance did you?"

I frowned. Now here was the catch. Would Optimus know more than I if I gave him the names? It was best not to risk it just yet. _I can't recall, my memory is a bit fuzzy… I'm sure I'll remember them eventually._

Optimus knew as well as I that I knew the file names, knowing my reluctance to feed him information was mistrust of the enemy, still he nodded at the response and sat down into his chair folding his hands on top of his desk. He could wait, I was going nowhere. "Amnesty with the enemy, it's not something Decepticons would willingly choose. You thought perhaps there was a chance we wouldn't discover your identity and you might leave at some point with a new life. But even we know you better than that. You have always been and likely always will be a very determined soul. Your goals have not exactly been subtle."

_True._ I smirked slightly at the amusement of the situation. _I suppose I am an easy creature to read._ But then… was I? Or was this just the façade I wore ever since I had taken the position of Air Commander? Even I wasn't sure anymore. The lines that had been blurred before were now positively smeared.

Optimus sighed a little, weaving his fingers together over his desk. "You understand our concerns then. You have never been one to trust even among your own ranks. Obviously this worries me."

_Really? _I sent wryly. _And why does that concern me? If I refuse to tell you anything you simply will keep us contained in our cells, which at least is better than the alternative._

Optimus just lifted an optic ridge.

Frag him! I sighed and glowered grumpily in his direction. _Fine, it'll drive me insane within a day, happy? _He apparently knew Seekers were claustrophobic, it was a failing of ours. I hadn't been cooped up in one place during my stay, thus my paranoia hadn't had time to mature, but it would come if I was kept in that brig long enough, wings or no wings.

"My 'happiness' is not the issue here." Optimus replied calmly. "Obviously it is you who are in need of assistance. If you wish to remain here under the conditions of amnesty then I request information and co-operation from you. If you choose not to, that is your choice, however we will not reconstruct your structure without fair compensation."

I winced. So the Autobots did know how to play hardball. _I thought we were here under requested amnesty. _

"You are." Optimus said calmly. "Amnesty as defined by the Cybertronian Council is to pardon you for your past offenses. It does not mean we release you before a fair evaluation trial, nor repair you other than to stabilize your life. You will remain here until we gather a committee to decide if we will grant it or not. Until then, this situation is what I consider a fair trade."

_I am not certain just how much I want to share with you._ I sent warily eyeing him. _You do realize that amnesty was just a ruse to get you to fix me, right?_

"As the humans say, 'The enemy of my enemy is my friend'." Optimus stated calmly. "If you do not intend to return to the Decepticons then you have information that is of no use to you. We have the medical facilities and personnel available to assist you. If you choose to reject the offer then I will give it further thought. As you did request amnesty, as did your comrades, I will honor the request and give it due consideration. However, your co-operation will likely help in the decision. The choice is yours to take."

_And what of all my 'crimes'?_ I sent back sharply. It was the one thing that had ridden high on my mind. Why would they harbor an enemy, co-operate with me when I'd caused the deaths of plenty of their ranks. _I have killed more Autobots than I wager you have of Decepticons… I know more than one of your men would love to return the favor._

Optimus sighed heavily, and I knew I had hit the nail on the head. "It is true that you have much to answer for. But according to regulations, we do owe you a fair hearing to determine whether it is to be granted or not. Your crimes likely will be weighed in this trial, but as it is not a criminal trial we cannot convict you for anything you have done. If amnesty is granted then you will be protected under the law. If it is rejected, then we will have to assemble a criminal trial. But I will abide by the Cybertronian code of conduct in this manner, and hold any mech responsible should they break it. You and your comrades are here legally under our protection until the decision is made."

My optics shuttered closed so I could think. I was a bit relieved. Whatever happened for the moment the options were better than the fate waiting for us if we returned to the Decepticons. But whatever the result of the trial we were essentially stuck here with the Autobots until we decided to make our escape. The idea of working with the Autobots was almost as repulsive as returning to Megatron's side, and I fought the urge to laugh. While I had come to know more about them during my stay here, that didn't mean I sympathized with their 'save the humans' cause. On the other hand, Optimus had a point. The information I held was useless to me now, as I had NO intentions of returning to Megatron's ranks. I could use the info, but so could they and if the Autobots assisted on attack fronts even on their own plans not mine, it would be useful. It wouldn't be working with them so much as it would be a simple exchange of information from neutral parties. Besides, they might prove a useful distraction and I NEEDED my wings back.

I opened my optics. _I have an alternate suggestion._

"Proceed."

_I am the only one useful to you, and also I am the only one requiring your services, considering you have already treated my comrade, correct?_

"Yes." Prime said slowly. "I can see no more insight available from your comrades than we could achieve from your co-operation. However, you know I cannot simply allow them to leave."

_I realize that. I sent dryly. But they follow me, and know nothing more than I would. Their value is less than mine._

"Keeping them here at least takes two strong warriors out of our crosshairs."

_True._ I admitted with a smirk. _But there is more that we could teach you other than codes and intel._

He lifted an optic ridge. "Meaning?"

_Meaning we can teach you tactics that they use, so you can better know the enemy's movements. I know all their individual and team strategies. I can give you an insight to how they operate so you can better anticipate their actions._

"That would be of great use to us." Optimus admitted with a nod, but did not appear entirely convinced. "But after all this time serving under Megatron's command, you would give up the attempt to wrest power from him so quickly?" His optics studied me, obviously wondering the unspoken question of: would I return to his ranks with Autobot secrets?

A jolt of anger lit my spark up like a nova. _I do not have to prove myself to you. You asked for a fair trade, if that's not what you are prepared to offer, then I have nothing more to say to you._

"Calm down, Starscream." Optimus said patiently, lifting a hand. "I have already attempted to verify your story, and from what we've been able to determine Megatron has issued an all-points alert to all bounty hunters and mechs looking for a bit of credits in return for your wing mate's whereabouts, and your head on a pike." I flinched. "Therefore, I feel fairly certain this is no ruse. Were it an attempt to infiltrate us, you could have come up with many other ways of penetrating our ranks without sustaining critical damage to your body." He shook his head as I slowly relaxed. "But I am curious why he has gone to this extreme to find you… and I must admit I have longed for the chance to find out more about why you sought to control the Decepticons for this long, and are so willing to simply give up your goal."

I frowned. _I have been attempting to wrest control from Megatron for millennia and have failed at every turn. I am sick and tired of failing. I will not attempt such an action again unless I am guaranteed success, and even then…_ I trailed off thinking as I transmitted the next words. _…what is the point now? Our planet has been stripped of resources, he leads a dying band of fools. They are not worth being led. Most of them are spineless cowards anyway. _

Optimus leaned forward slowly, his optics brilliant and blazing, direct on mine. "You are well respected by your fellow Decepticons, Starscream. Perhaps not in the way you might like, but nonetheless few challenge your strength and skills other than Megatron himself. Were we to join forces to stop him, together we might put an end to this war permanently, end this pointless squabble and return to a unified Cybertron. What is your opinion on that?"

My optics unfocused for a moment. I had sought Megatron's position and power for so long solely on the idea that I could lead, be in charge, be respected. Over the years with so many failed attempts I had slowly begun to realize that dream was warped, twisted. I was returning to the scientific mind of my former self, before the war. War had a funny way of changing you. It was a universal concept, and one I hadn't believed in fully but still fought for. Yet with such a close brush to death as I recently had, I began to revert, unwind, change back. I was tired of fighting. I felt old. Perhaps it was Perceptor, reminding me of that which I had given up ages ago or for rekindling my interest in science… either way, I was quite surprised to find myself actually considering his offer. The ridiculous idea of working with the Autobots was so automatically ingrained into my awareness that now my pride had been momentarily deflated, I found myself finding sense in his words.

"I don't expect an answer now. Think about it, discuss it with your comrades." Optimus was continuing, taking my silence as an uncertain cue. "Understand whatever your choice, I will do everything in my power to ensure it is carried out fairly and justly.

Figures, I thought quietly to myself. Always a pillar of 'truth and justice' to the end.

Was it such a bad thing?


	7. Chapter 7: Sides

**My Madness, My Saving Sanity**

_**Chapter Seven: Sides**_

_By: Nightelfcrawler_

_Author's note: While this is G1 based, I've made Starscream a blend of his G1 and Armada personalities just because I find the dichotomy of it fascinating. It takes place in no particular timeline, following no particular events. Also, please review politely. If you haven't something nice to say, keep it to yourself please._

* * *

"You did WHAT?"

I cringed, rubbing at my abused audio receptor. _Must you bellow?_

"How could you agree to such a thing!?" Thundercracker's optics were narrowed with fury, boring into my cranium as I avoided looking at him directly. "Primus, 'Screamer, you don't speak for us all."

I lifted my optics to regard him coolly. _Are you challenging my command?_

"When we're all sitting in a brig? Frag yes."

I smirked a little. _You aren't of much interest to Prime and his lackeys. It's my knowledge they're looking for. If I provide them with important information in exchange for repairs, then two problems are solved at once. I have no intention to return to Megatron, thus the information will benefit us by sharing it._

"And you're just going to betray the others like that?" Thundercracker's gaze was intense and angry. I found it rather amusing. Normally he cared as little for the others as I did. The only thing that mattered was our own team. On the other hand, he had been a very loyal Decepticon for a very long time, despite questions of his tendency to spare lives rather than take them. I myself had questioned on many occasions how pure of a warrior he was, but I had never been let down by his determination. On the other hand, now that I thought about it, the two of them had only been loyal in reality to me, and me alone. They took orders from Megatron, but if I chose to override those orders, they were there by my side in a heartbeat. I didn't ever think about it before, just took it for granted. Interesting that I should suddenly note it now. "Do you expect us to stay by your side?"

I lifted my gaze to stare at him appraisingly. He wasn't angry anymore, but rather speculatively staring at me. He was weighing my reaction. _I don't expect anything. You can do as you like._

His optics narrowed. "You do realize we risked everything to save your worthless aft? And you expect us to just leave? After everything that's happened here?" I avoided his gaze sullenly annoyed at his pestering questions. "No…" He mused. "I see you don't expect it, you just think you an handle it yourself like you always do." He snorted. "Well you won't be rid of us that easy. If these slag-heads are willing to be decent then we're staying till you're ready to fly again. We can worry about breaking out later." I tried to glare at him, but only received a smirk in return. "Deal with it."

_You're beginning to sound like a fraggin' Autobot._

"And what's wrong with that?" Thundercracker shot back angrily. "You know, for so long we've been fighting enjoying it together. But when you get down to it, is there any real difference between OUR side and THEIR side?"

_They're weak soft-hearted fools who protect humans. Are you really serious?_

"Protecting the defenseless isn't being weak." Thundercracker said darkly. "Do you know how long I've wanted to say something about how the Decepticons don't seem to care that they frag up the humans at every turn? I don't find any honor or glory in crushing helpless creatures less powerful than us. It's embarrassing." He frowned darkly. "But if I ever mentioned that I'd have ended up in your shoes faster than you can say Megatron. Besides, if you think standing up for the weak is stupid, you're a fraggin' hypocrite. Remember the time 'Warp got really fragged up on that spiked energon and that group tried to rob us back at the Academy? Who stood up for someone who couldn't defend themselves then?" I grit my teeth but avoided his searing gaze. "There IS no difference between us, just some invisible dividing line someone drew long ago cause it was convenient to use in order to pit us against them. The only difference is Megatron could care less about us, or anyone else but himself. That's why so many of us die in the field. Our first two team mates died during the first battle, remember that? Did Megatron care one iota? No. He didn't even NOTICE. But we cared didn't we?" His optics bore into me furiously. "So how does that make us different from the Autobots. They care about their warriors too. They're damn good fighters to boot. I don't see the difference. Megatron's cause stopped being noble eons ago. I won't care if we give it up. It's stupid and pointless with Cybertron in ruins. Now he's just out to kill just for the sake of killing, not for any grand cause."

His words should have instilled anger within me, should have enraged me for speaking out against our leader, our commander, the one who had recruited us all, the one who had led us to greatness.

But was it really greatness?

I had hidden the truth deep within for so long that even I had believed the rhetoric that had been spun about our great and noble cause. It had been great once… the glory had faded along with the gleaming lights of Iacon City when it had burned to the ground at our hands. All we ever brought about was destruction, not revolution. I had blinded myself to that fact because I was so set on taking over, on replacing Megatron. Why? I thought it had been simply to feel powerful, to be respected… but now I began to question if that was the real reason.

What if I had just wanted to put an end to the madness and rebuild what we had lost? Was that weak, or was it simply survival?

"I think we need to stop looking at things in black and white, 'Screamer." Thundercracker was saying, interrupting my thoughts. "Us versus Them isn't going to work anymore. We're branded now. Anytime we show our faces we're gonna get the same fire that the Autobots get. So where does that put us? We're as good as Autobots right now anyway. If we go out on our own we're slagged since they outnumber us badly. But if we stick with someone who can work with us, we're stronger for it. And we can still be involved instead of running and hiding our afts, which I honestly don't relish the idea of having to do, how about you?"

_Not particularly._

"So we got some choices here don't we? Go out on our own and be slagged, go back to Megatron and be slagged, stay here and be a little less slagged to start with. What's the worst they can do? They're not like Decepticons, they won't torture us or kill us, they'll just keep us locked up here indefinitely."

_That might be a fate worse than death. We're fliers._

"You're not gong to be flying anytime soon, Screamer."

_Prime agreed to repair me if I co-operate._

"So why not? What's the harm in letting them know what we know? It's not like we're protecting secrets anymore. The Decepticons are going to kill us whether we spill secrets or not. They don't care. They'll just hate us more if we betray them after they kicked us out, and honestly I can't see how it can get any worse than a death warrant. Besides, they're probably going to change all the codes anyway if they haven't already, so any advantage won't last long."

I was silent for a while, thinking this over. Thundercracker had a good point, and it was obvious he'd been holding this up inside him for some time now, unwilling to voice his opinions before, now freed by our new status as refugees. _I wouldn't mind seeing Megatron suffer at the hands of those who he tossed out like garbage. _I growled tersely._ It would be aptly fitting._

_One problem guys. _Came a rather groggy addition to the conversation. Obviously Skywarp wasn't as out of it as we'd thought. _The Autobots hate our fraggin' afts as much as we hate them. I just can't see us all sitting down around a few cubes to talk out our differences then hugging like we're all buddies. Ain't gonna happen._

I sighed. He was right, but right now I was so drained that I didn't care. It seemed like forever since I had been carefree just those few days ago, enjoying life pretending I was someone else. For those brief moments I had forgotten everything. I was another mech, someone different without the burdens weighing down my soul. It had been nice to be accepted even tentatively among those who weren't sure who I was yet. It reminded me of the past, before this fraggin' war started.

And Thundercracker had noticed. "You're different, Screamer." He said quietly. "You've changed."

I shot him a glance but it lacked the mirth and scathing glare that it normally had. _I'm tired, that's all._

"No, it's more than that." He murmured more to himself than anything. "You're CALM. I've never seen you sit still and shut up for more than an astrosecond since the Academy, you're always trying to prove yourself, not to us anymore, but to everyone else." Thundercracker's optics bore down on me with a fierce light. "You've lost your edge."

_I bristled. How dare you…!_

"Oh don't blast your burners." He rolled his optics. "I'm not saying it's a bad thing. Primus help us all your voice shutting up is silence enough."

My optics narrowed in anger, though I knew my wing mate was just trying to rattle my cage and poke fun at my situation. _Once I'm repaired I will be better than before. And I will make you pay for that comment._

"Yeah, yeah, sure you will." Thundercracker turned and collapsed on the floor in a sitting position, leaning against the wall to get comfortable. "Night, 'Screamer."

_Don't call me that!_

"Night."

* * *

The silence hung in the air like thick molasses. I watched the medic as he studied the read-outs on the screen, then my optics slid to my 'honorary guard' posted inside the door. Both Red Alert and Bluestreak were glaring at me with unbidden animosity. Not that I blamed them. Out of all of them, those two had been more open to me as 'Skyfire'. They felt personally betrayed, it seemed. Idiots. I gave them a sarcastic smirk if only to rile them up, knowing they had been ordered not to touch me. Their glares deepened to my satisfaction, and I turned back to watch Ratchet at work. _Well?_ I demanded impatiently. _Can you do it?_

Ratchet glanced over his shoulder at me with narrow critical eyes. "I can give you a re-build, but I'm not sure I can mimic the precise technology that your fellows employ. I don't have the parts needed to replace some of your critical systems." He turned back to the schematics, and ran a finger along the lines. "I can get enough metal to rebuild your armor and structure, and I wager I can fashion functioning wings for you, but you're going to have to help me reconstruct the details." His optics slid back to me, studying me carefully. "I've never repaired a flier before, I must warn you."

I sighed. I had counted on this, actually. Though I felt a twinge of regret knowing that I would never be the same, it also sent a thrill of exhilaration through me.

Was this a fresh start?

_I can walk you through the diagnostics. I have a fair idea how my systems worked._ I offered, slowly approaching the screen to stare at the numbers and diagrams. Ratchet watched me warily out of the corner of his optics. I ignored him. _I wanted to make some alterations anyway._ I sent. He blinked at me, startled. I spared him a sidelong glance. _Is it so surprising? How often does one get the chance to upgrade oneself? Besides… if I look different it will confuse the enemy at first. It could work to our advantage._

Ratchet studied me carefully, then pushed a button. The diagnostics cleared, and a blank file appeared. "Well, show me what you have in mind then."

As I was already connected through the broadcast link, it was a simple process to simply switch to my data processors and download everything that I had carefully drafted in my head. Once the download was complete I studied the screen with the medic. Already I saw things that wouldn't work, things that weren't functionally possible and would have to be revised. But overall I liked the concept. It was sleeker, more aerodynamic, and much improved to my old model. And it would set me apart from my brothers… Like the leader I was. It was an entire rebuild in essence, though there were similar traits. I instantly liked it.

"I want to know something." Ratchet spoke up suddenly. I glanced at him warily bracing myself for the inevitable questions I knew were going to come out. "How did you know that supplementing your own spark energy to Skywarp's would save his life? I've heard rumors of some mechs trying that as a last resort on the battlefield, but never heard of it actually WORKING." Ratchet eyed me critically. "Not raw unfiltered spark energy. It's incompatible with any mech other than the one the spark is formed for. So how did you three manage to stabilize him and HOW did you know it would work?"

_I didn't. _I said simply, for once relieved that I didn't have to lie. _Call me crazy, and I know you do, slagger, but I had no clue it would work._

"I believe you." Ratchet said after a moment eyeing me warily. "But what I want to know is where you heard that you could do that. Channeling raw spark energy between the three of you… that's out of my grasp of medical knowledge."

I simply shrugged wordlessly. I wasn't about to tell him anyway, besides… he wouldn't have believed me.

"Why?" He demanded testily. "Why did you do it? Why did you seek us out and ask for help, why did you pretend to be someone else, and now why are you still here?"

I shuttered my optics. Of all the questions to ask… _I was injured. I knew you wouldn't help me if I lay myself on your doorstep proclaiming my loyalties and undying affections for the Decepticon cause…_

"Enough." Ratchet said softy, silencing me in that unnerving way he often held. It was far more powerful than Megatron's influence, in it's own way. "I know when I'm being lied to. You used to be an excellent liar, everyone knows that. But now I can read right through you. Something else happened." His optics studied my silent form. "You enjoyed it, didn't you?"

_Enjoyed WHAT exactly, Autoscum?_

"Enjoyed being part of a community. Accepted. I wonder if you were ever that among your fellows." I shot him a death glare and turned my back on him, refusing to give him the satisfaction of seeing my expression. He seemed to guess anyway. "You did enjoy it. I could tell. You smiled. You laughed. You joked. It's hard to fake that, especially for a Decepticon. Perceptor and Wheeljack shared how much they enjoyed working with you. They considered you a friend."

_So how long have you KNOWN who I am, doc? _I allowed myself a smirk when he froze.

He shot me a look but then answered the question calmly. "Since I first saw the damage to your body, I knew. I've never repaired a Seeker before, but I knew well enough what to look for in diagnostics. Weaponry mounted on the arms, wing joints severed on your back, thrusters in your feet… Add that to the fact that I hadn't heard any of your latest antics drawing attention. No one saw you that entire time, though I heard reports of your fellows in action. However, I didn't know for certain until I found this." My optics slid over unbidden to see what he was holding. My spark just about seized. Primus… I'd forgotten. The tiny golden light glittered off the object in his hand and I looked away quickly feeling unbidden emotions surge up. "When did you get this?" Ratchet's voice was soft and almost gentle, not accusing. "I imagine it had to have been before the war… and yet you've kept it all this time." At my silence he turned the object over studying it in his hand. "We never think about our lives before the war. None of us do. We never stop to think that everyone had lives, duties, families even." He set the item down on the computer console and slid it closer to my hand. "We lose ourselves in the conflict… we don't often get a chance to go back to that life, Starscream. I urge you to give that some consideration."

He said nothing more on the subject, but it wasn't long before my hand slid over and grasped the small gold object and brought it up to my optics to stare at it's familiar scored surface. It was the only thing that I had carried with me all this time, and it had suffered the same battle scars I had… and survived. The words however were still easy to read engraved on the surface with an ornate symbol. "Cybertron Science Award"… the highest honor one could ever receive in that field, embellished with my name and one other… Skyfire.

I grasped it tightly to my chassis.

"Now, if you want me to start installing components you'll need to lay down on the table." I slid the medallion carefully back into my storage compartment, empty of the spare pistol that I usually carried. They had made sure I was completely defenseless. Not that it mattered anymore. I slid my body onto the table and lay down obediently much to Ratchet's surprise. "Well that was easier than I expected, though I assume you'd rather be fixed than not." He mused. "I'm going to do the basics first, starting with your vocal processors. I managed to construct a new unit, since your old one was completely toast. I couldn't even salvage any spare parts from it, it was so melted." I winced. Great. A new vocalizer meant the voice wouldn't be MINE anymore… it would be some other voice that tried to mimic mine. Sure I could program it to sound close to my old one but it would never be exactly the same. After all, my old vocalizer had been through much abuse at the hands of my commander, it was why my voice sounded so screechy all the time. However, seeing as I had no choice in the matter, I felt it wasn't necessary to make a comment, and just lay there in silence as he leaned over my frame and began to tinker with the neck joint to pull the plating off. As he worked, two sapphire optics studied me closely. "You're being awfully co-operative about all this. Why?"

_I need the repairs._ I replied simply, trying my best to appear bored. _Do you even know how insufferably horrid it is to be grounded when you're a flier?_

"I've heard rumors that some Seekers have gone mad while imprisoned during the war." Ratchet mused. "While I'm no psychologist I imagine that has something to do with the fact you're so used to the freedom of the skies."

_Exactly. _I sent wryly. _A Seeker without wings is a failure. You will repair them as soon as possible._

"That isn't up to you." Ratchet said calmly, prodding a bit too hard in my vocal lines causing me to wince. "Wings unfortunately are going to be the last thing I install. First I need to fit you for armor plating according the specs you want, provide the upgrades and install new weaponry, though they will be disabled until further notice."

_Naturally._

"Then the last thing I can install are your wings. The rest of the exoskeleton must be re-enforced to accept the added strain. And according to your specs you want a few specialty parts that will take time in coming. It's going to be a long time until you fly again, Starscream." I let out a sigh of frustration, causing Ratchet to smack me hard on the head. "Hold still. You can still hover if it bugs you so much. Thrusters keep you airborne without your wings."

_It's not the same._

"I'm sure it's not, but you will just learn to deal with it for now." A click and hiss sent a spark of pain down my throat and I fought not to make any motion, though the sudden blinking green light in the right corner of my display told me that a new part had successfully been installed and needed to be initialized. "All right. New vocalizer installed. Now you'll need to calibrate it yourself, so I'm putting you on assignment to start using it. It's going to hurt a bit while it adjusts, so you're just going to have to push through it to get it working right. In the meantime I'm going to start constructing the armor plating you need."

I sat up rubbing at my throat and lightly cleared it. It rumbled dryly in a deeper voice than I was used to, but at least it functioned. Thankfully I wouldn't have to resort to silent communications anymore. "Thank you." I growled out with some difficulty, the voice low and scratchy, very mechanized and nothing at all like my old voice. But it was a voice. It felt delightful to speak again.

"You're welcome. Now I have work to do. You can go with them." He pointed at the Red and Blue morons guarding the door.

I permitted myself a smirk and slid off the bed to approach the two guards.

The walk back to my cell was very long indeed. Red Alert and Bluestreak were uncommonly silent, which was unusual for the latter. My identity had hit the base like a bomb. The Autobots felt resentment and anger that I had somehow managed to deceive them from the truth. They had no idea how dangerous of a line I had walked for my own neck. Would they have given me the same care if they knew who I was? Doubtful. I found myself missing that poker game a little as I strode back into my cell, the bars fizzling back into place as I slipped into the corner to settle comfortably. The one positive side to having no wings was that I could lay down in any position now. Before, special recharge berths had to accommodate Seeker wings, wider and bulkier to make room for our form. When we lay down we had to do so on our backs or on our fronts. It was strange therefore being able to curl up in any position that I found comfortable. Thundercracker was in recharge already, and did not wake up at my approach. Skywarp had been released from Ratchet's bay, and was laying on his back on the floor recharging peacefully. His patches still shone brightly in the faint florescent glow of the energon bars. It was good to see my brothers relaxing in such calm states. Normally we didn't intrude upon each other's recharge cycles back on base, though there was the occasional time when we got so slagged on high grade that we ended up in one common room with each other. Still… I felt oddly protective of them. Not only had they both risked everything to save me, to deliver me to safe hands that could repair me, but now they shared my fate: exile. We were not Decepticons any longer, doomed to the loneliness of no faction at all, sought after by both unless we made a choice.

It was up to me to make that choice.

The truth was I wished it weren't on my shoulders. But then, ever since we had been comrades I had taken point and given them direction. Thundercracker was never hesitant to offer his insight, often a rational method of thought compared to my rather whimsical unstable side. Skywarp didn't care one way or the other, as long as he got to blast things. We were definitely the motley crew of misfits among the Decepticons. We didn't fit in, and relished in that fact.

So would it be so different here?

Don't get me wrong, I had no desire to join the Autobot cause and take up their banner. However, working with them to take down Megatron was becoming increasingly appealing. We could use the help, no doubt about it, and the ability to at least attempt to start over, to leave that despicable mech I had become behind… If we could take him down, I could take over the Decepticons… and if I could take them over, then we could end this fragging war and, Primus forbid, co-operate to rebuild Cybertron. I would become the leader I deserved, and do something productive with my power to put us in a better position. True, peace with the Autobots seemed a laughable situation right now, but I was beginning to see why they strove to fight for peace… they too were tired of the battles.

I cringed. Yes, it affected me. I never let it show normally of course but where was the need for acting behind bold bravado right now? No one was watching except perhaps the paranoid security officer. Yes, I was ashamed of what I'd become. Again, I'd never let it show in front of anyone, not even my brothers, but it existed. I was not completely cold-sparked. The insanity tugging at my processors threatening to unseat the small smidgeon of stability I had manage to grasp onto was threatening to take over once more, and it was dragging me down into a pit of despair that I hadn't seen in ages. I had NEVER felt sorry for myself since before I'd joined the Decepticons… when I'd lost….

I shuttered and silenced that train of thought. I had dug up enough old memories for the time being I didn't need to resurface others. Instead, I did my best to attempt a recharge.

Unfortunately it was plagued by memories of things past.


	8. Chapter 8: Collaboration or CoOperation

**My Madness, My Saving Sanity**

_**Chapter Eight: Collaboration… or Co-operation?**_

_By: Nightelfcrawler_

_Author's note: While this is G1 based, I've made Starscream a blend of his G1 and Armada personalities just because I find the dichotomy of it fascinating. It takes place in no particular timeline, following no particular events. Also, please review politely. If you haven't something nice to say, keep it to yourself please._

* * *

I was awakened abruptly by a sharp tap on my shoulder. Startled, I on-lined an optic to see Prowl's somber face staring down at me. "What?" I croaked in my gravely rough voice, wincing at the pressure on the vocalizer. It was going to take some time to get used to the sound of my new voice.

"Up." Prowl said in a commanding voice, though instantly I detected a hint of strain in the normally cool façade of the tactician. "There's a situation. You're needed in the control room."

"Me?" I rasped, optic ridges lifting. What could possibly be requiring MY attention? However, despite my intention to thwart anything Prowl had to offer me, my curiosity got the better of me and I bit off my sarcastic reply rising to follow him out of the cell.

_Wazzat? What're they goin' on about?_

_Go back to sleep 'Warp. _Thundercracker sent idly watching the two of us as we headed towards the door. _I heard alarms go off…keep us informed?_

_Of course._ I sent wryly. As if I would not inform my wing mates of anything going on at the base. No matter what the Autobots offered us, my first priority was my compatriots. However, as I entered the control room and kept my internal com open for them to listen in on whatever was said, a chill went through my spark.

Megatron.

He did NOT look happy… and neither did the rest of the Decepticons who apparently were just outside the base, guns loaded and locked right on the poor hapless sentry that happened to have been caught outside. Bluestreak looked positively terrified, but then who wouldn't when faced with Megatron's cannon rammed up against his chassis. I'd been there plenty of times, I knew what it was like first hand, and just watching someone else at the receiving end sent chills of ill memories down my spine. "I will not repeat my request, Optimus." Megatron said smoothly, his face as placid and calm as ever, though his optics blazed bright and angry. "Turn over the prisoners you are holding and I will release your officer unharmed. If you fail to comply, his head will don my wall as a decoration."

"He must really want them back." Muttered Red Alert, staring at the display with unblinking optics. "I say we give them to him."

"Three for one? Not a fair deal." Ironhide growled crossly.

"Ironhide! That's BLUE they've captured!"

"I know. He's a soldier. This is a prisoner of war exchange only."

Optimus frowned watching the screen thoughtfully, not having noticed Prowl arrive with me. "Megatron, under good faith we cannot negotiate the release of more than one of our prisoners for the life of one of our soldiers."

Megatron just grinned darkly. "Oh you will Prime… or my forces will blast you out of that hole you're hiding in."

"What's so important that you would risk an all-out assault?"

"That is none of your concern. You have one breem to send them out before I execute your man."

That got everyone reacting. "Close the com." Optimus demanded quietly. Red Alert put the display on hold. Optimus then turned around to face me, a thoughtful expression on his face. "Is it entirely possible he is not aware you are alive?"

"Possibly." I rasped softly, everyone's optics turning to stare at me with hostile intentions once more. They probably just wanted to hand me over to him and get me out of their hands, but their code and my usefulness discarded that option. "Though my wing mates think he suspects something. It was the reason they were driven out. I would not put it past him to think I am alive still." I broke off, wincing uncomfortably as I rubbed my throat trying to dull the aching burn of the calibrating vocalizer.

Aware of my vocal limitations, Optimus directed his questions to a simple yes or no format. "He is the one who attempted to offline you permanently? And as a result your wing mates fell ill in his favor to help you?" I nodded, crossing my arms in defiance as if daring him to challenge their decision. He was stating this for the benefit of the others, as we had already discussed it at length. "They returned to his forces, from what I can gather, and fell ill of his favor again, forcing them to seek refuge here?" I paused, waiting for an internal confirmation from Thundercracker before nodding. "Then at the moment Megatron isn't certain you are here with us at all. He knows that your wing mates are, however." He looked thoughtful. "Do you know what his intentions for them are?"

_Probably to frag us up._ Came the wry response in my head from Thundercracker, who apparently was amused as the two of them listened in to the conversation. _The irony… imaging being safer with our enemy than with our own team._

I smirked. There was no way to explain the situation without a long winded approach that would strain my vocalizer, so I decided to simply pass on TC's statement to the Autobot commander. Optimus blinked at the message but then nodded. "So I am to believe that if we release the two of your wing mates to his custody their lives will be in danger?"

I nodded with a wry smirk. "Ironic…" I rasped out.

_Awww the widdle Awdobots are pwotecting ussss._

_Careful 'Warp… he might broadcast that to the others._

_You wouldn't!_

_Try me…_

"Therefore we must consider other options." Optimus said slowly. "Starscream, is there anything you can tell us that might help in this situation?"

"Sir, you can't honestly be able to TRUST him to help us?!

"Enough, Sunstreaker."

I considered the situation, staring up at the screen where Bluestreak unfortunately looked about as terrified as his programming would allow before shut-down. There was a back door to the base I knew, but it would probably be hard for any significant forces to sneak out in order to mount an attack. On the other hand…

_Warp, you feeling up to doing a quick teleport or two?_

_Huh? You're joking right? They'll never let us out._

_If it means saving their officer, they might._

_Uh… I'm guessing you've got some half-baked plan you think will work?_

_Yes, or no?_

_Yes then… but only one, I don't have much energy for more… and I'm not sure I can stay airborne long on my wings, they're still fragged up._

_That's fine, Thundercracker will help you._

_I will?_

_Yes._

_Ok then… I hope you know what you're doing, Screamer._

I smirked and turned my attention back to Prime who was still waiting for my response. "Mirage?" I rasped quietly.

"He is here." Optimus said frowning as he glanced over at the mech in question.

While I didn't recognize some on sight, Mirage being one as we rarely saw him in battle, I did know the abilities of each and every one of the Autobots. We made a point of studying enemy details, as I'm sure did they for the Decepticons. I glanced over to the mech who stared back at me with an indifferent look. I sent a query to him through data burst, he accepted the transmission after a wary pause and looked over the data I sent. After a moment he nodded slowly. "Sir… I believe this plan Starscream suggest just might work long enough as a distraction." He glanced at me as I smirked and folded my arms confidently over my chassis. "However it involves freeing our other two 'guests'."

"Absolutely not!" Prowl growled in protest, the same time Ratchet cried out the same words for a different reason.

"No! Skywarp is not fit for battle of any kind in his condition, it could kill him making any attempt to use his ability!"

"Starscream informs me he feels confidant he can make one attempt." Mirage said slowly. "He would not be directly involved in the fighting, only responsible for getting the three of us out there."

"Three of you?" Optimus frowned in disapproval.

"Thundercracker, Skywarp and myself." Mirage supplied. "The idea is to secretly get us onto the other side of the ridge, my power will mask them detecting us. It also involves a little… ah… creativity with paint on Thundercracker's behalf."

**_WHAT?!_**

I involuntarily cringed, drawing everyone's attention as my hand went automatically to my head at the bellow within. _Pipe down!_

"Since Megatron believes Starscream to be dead or severely disabled… he should be puzzled long enough to allow a team to attack the Decepticons from the main entrance. But I must point out this could still go very wrong… Megatron could not be fooled."

"He will be." I croaked confidently. Everyone turned to stare at me. "I'm the only one he fears." I smirked. While 'fear' might not be the best way to describe how threatened he felt my constant attempts to wrest control, he WOULD be concerned, especially if I appeared whole and undamaged. The only catch was Thundercracker sounded nothing like me. _Tell me you still have some recordings saved of some of my mission briefings?_

_Uh yeah I think I have enough to piece together some phrases… but it might not sound naturally spoken and I won't be able to reply to any questions…plus I'm not that good at mimicking how you talk back to him._

I glanced at Ratchet, quickly asking him if he could assist in altering Thundercracker's vocal processors. "I can't do anything in this short of notice. It would take too long, time we don't have."

I sighed in frustration. _We'll just have to make do and hope you're far enough away he won't notice._

"Better get some paint boys…" Sideswipe smirked slightly. "Seems we've got a ghost to create."

* * *

Thundercracker was NOT happy in the least bit, and did not attempt to hide his displeasure as several Autobots on all side began splashing white paint all over his blue body. "I hate you." He growled directly at me, as I stood watching the procedure. I had to make sure they got the details right, if it was to look convincing. "You'd BETTER have some blue paint ready when I come back."

"I dunno… you're beginning to look the part, TC." Skywarp snickered from the side, watched over by two Autobot guards, though he was obviously under no hurry to escape as he watched his wing mate turn into their wing leader. "Too bad you don't have his annoying screechy voice down pat."

"Hey!" I growled. "I AM still here."

"Huh? Who said that?"

My hand twitched, tempted to hurl something at him out of spite. Fortunate for him, nothing was in reach.

"You do realize that Megatron's not stupid, right?" Thundercracker eyed me bitterly as someone started carefully detailing the red and blue on still drying white paint. "He gets one good look and is going to see the sloppy job you morons are doing… and he KNOWS my vents look different from yours." He pointed out with a significant glance to his shoulders. "They curve, yours are more blocky."

"He'll be far enough away and too creped out to give a slag." Skywarp offered helpfully. "Just laugh like you have a glitch in your throat."

I grit my teeth and shot a murderous glare at him. Oh my patience was wearing so thin right now. And he knew it.

"One more problem, I don't have your weapons." Thundercracker pointed out, frowning as he glanced at his own cannons. They were shorter and differently designed, and no matter how you looked at them there was no way that they would be mistaken for my infamous Null Rays. I had specially designed those myself, and though I was an expert in their design, Megatron had seen them work enough times that he too would know. Unfortunately for us all, they had been completely destroyed long before I had taken residency up with your friendly neighborhood do-gooders. I would have to build new ones from scratch if I wanted them again.

"Hopefully you won't be close enough for him to spot that either. All we need is a moment's distraction for this to work." Mirage was saying as he backed up from their paint job. "I'd say from a distance it will fool them."

Thundercracker grunted as he glanced down at himself, turning his arms over with a disgusted look on his face. Though the paint lines were a bit jagged on his wings, the rest was decently done for a five minute's slap job. He looked eerily like myself, enough that I gave a small shudder. "This had better come off later." He muttered sourly.

"No time to think about it, we need to go. Our times' up." Mirage said quickly glancing to Skywarp who was finishing downing a fresh cube of energon to boost his energy. "Ready?"

"Ugh… I'm going to have to vent fumes after chugging that…"

"Not around ME you don't." Thundercracker growled.

Skywarp smirked and stood flexing his wings. "Well lets' give it a try then." The three of them scrambled up the back entrance to the outside in preparation to execute their plan while the rest of us hurried back to the control room.

Megatron was just about ready to blow a fuse. "Your time is up Prime." The cannon's mouth was glowing the roiling purple energy that foretold it's expulsion to doom quickly. "Will I get my men back or not?"

"Megatron…" Optimus never so much as glanced at us as we entered, though his hand twitched a bit indicating he knew we were there. "I cannot in good faith release both prisoners to you. I will however consider a fair one on one exchange."

"No deal." Megatron growled darkly, pushing the cannon closer with a feral grin. "I care nothing for your soldier, Prime. It matters naught if he lives or dies and I storm your fortress later."

I ignored their drabble and let Optimus organize his little rescue operation on his own. Instead, my optics focused on a point over his right shoulder where I saw a small distortion of air, the only indication of anyone's presence, something everyone would have missed unless you knew where to look and what to look for. They were in place. Good then. My optics slid to the other panel where a squadron of fighters were positioned by the door waiting to storm out at the signal. It was time.

Right on cue, I heard my old voice ring out challengingly across the com, causing all the Decepticons to whirl about in complete confusion. "MEGATRON! DON'T TURN YOUR BACK ON ME!"

I smirked. Nice choice on Thundercracker's part. I noticed several Autobots watching me and I smirked wider. "What?" I rasped innocently. They turned back to the screens to stare at the scene unfolding. True to his part, Thundercracker had appeared out of literally nothingness, Mirage and Skywarp hidden behind him as he stood tall on the cliff, a marvelous impersonation of me from a distance. Even his head was lifted cockily in the right way. I made a mental note to myself to try not to remember how ridiculous of a performance _I _thought he was giving… was I really that outlandish?

"Starscream!?" Megatron sputtered, the expression on his face priceless. "How in Unicron's name…!?" He snarled darkly. "I thought I left you to rust at some backwards planet!"

Thundercracker pulled up an appropriate reply, given the situation. "You'll never stop me!"

"God you're way too over-dramatic, you do realize that." Ratchet muttered at my elbow. I snorted in response.

"We'll see about that. Get your aft down here and help us out and I may forget your little treacherous endeavor."

I frowned. Treacherous endeavor? What was he going on about? I hadn't tried to overthrow him lately… in fact, that brought about the point as to why he'd tried to do away with me in the first place. Those files… it had something to do with those files I'd found.

Fortunately my thoughts were distracted long enough to watch the Autobots start their assault. In a flurry of weapons fire they burst out of the doorway and stormed the unaware Decepticons, giving Thundercracker the cue to split with Mirage and Skywarp. It was splendid chaos as weapons fire splattered everywhere, Megatron was distracted enough for Bluestreak to slip away, and the operation went on without a hitch.

Almost.

"Sir…! Where did Starscream go?"

Megatron frowned, staring at the place where Thundercracker had been standing, seeing nothing there, as Mirage and Skywarp had made their retreat with Thundercracker. "Peculiar." He growled, clearly irritated that he'd lost his quarry. "Almost as if it were a ghost… or was it…?"

I should have realized what would happen next, should have been prepared for it. I knew them so well, that I was a fool for not realizing what Megatron would do next. Frankly it spoke to how comfortable and soft I'd grown over the few weeks spent surrounded by fragging Autobots. But sadly I'd forgotten a few very important protocols.

I'd not disabled my Decepticon com frequencies, and they were only meters away.

The high-decibel sound slammed into my head with the force of a hammer on glass. Everything within my processor erupted in splitting agony, and I was completely unaware of anything around me as the ground slammed into my knees, my hands tightly grasping at my head as a bloodcurdling scream ripped from my vocalizer, no doubt causing aggravated damage to the calibrating receptors. There was movement, sound, voices around me in a flurry of noise, but that was drowned out by the intense shrill penetrating sound that drilled through my head at a destructive rate. I knew an attack when I felt it, but this kind of attack I could do nothing against. Oddly enough, I could hear echoing screams from somewhere else, and a brief realization that it was my wing mates howls of pain in response to my own tickled my curiosity for a brief nano-click. I felt something deep within my processor shatter.

_Oh… that can't be good._

Then everything shut off with a click, as someone slammed a fist into my skull and I abruptly off-lined into blissful silent blackness.


	9. Chapter 9: Psychosis

**My Madness, My Saving Sanity**

_**Chapter Nine: Psychosis**_

_By: Nightelfcrawler_

_Author's note: While this is G1 based, I've made Starscream a blend of his G1 and Armada personalities just because I find the dichotomy of it fascinating. It takes place in no particular timeline, following no particular events. Also, please review politely. If you haven't something nice to say, keep it to yourself please._

* * *

"Will he be ok?"

"Can't say… psychic attacks are way out of my league."

"It did physical damage to his cortex, melted circuits. It had to have been one mech: Soundwave."

"He won't be permanently damaged will he?"

"Hard to say."

Primus… Yes, he certainly had a sense of humor when it came to me. But why was I hearing concerned voices? I thought I recognized them as I drifted in and out of consciousness, yet their names flitted away out of reach before I could fully come to. Somewhere in the back of my processor I felt relieved… those voices were familiar… friendly… safe. Blackness came and swallowed me once more.

When I finally woke, it was to a dull throbbing ache everywhere across my head. It hurt to think, to even think about thinking… I stifled a groan, aware there was a distinct sharp ringing in my audio receptors, as well as a strange static interface. Something had been damaged… Everything felt woozy, as if the world were spinning wildly around me, but something was tying me down to keep me from falling.

_Screamer?_ Skywarp's worried thought came across the com link almost the moment I on-lined again. _You're awake… are you ok?_

_Slaggin' fragger son of a glitch…_ I shot back irritably.

_Oh good, you're ok._

_Shut up… please for the love of Primus if you have to talk, whisper…_

_We're not talking…_ Came the confused voice of Thundercracker. _I think you're hearing someone else in the room with you._

Suddenly aware he was right, I groaned aloud. Thankfully the voices silenced for a second, only for Ratchet's to come closer, it's volume sending waves of pain stabbing into my head. "He's awake.."

"How is he?" That was Optimus… odd that he would be visiting my bedside.

"Some pretty extensive sonic receptor damage." Ratchet was saying as I grudgingly on-lined my optics. "Soundwave did a number on him… It melted his communication system, most of it anyway. I fortunately managed to shut him down before it could spread, but it had the properties of a virus… fortunately it was only a simulated virus broadcasted by Soundwave, and the moment Starscream was offline he couldn't broadcast it any further. If he'd remained online longer it could have done permanent damage to his central processor. Fortunately there was some kind of firewall in effect that kept him from breaking through it immediately." Ratchet glanced down at me keenly. "My guess is, this isn't the first time he's used that kind of attack, am I right?"

I simply shuttered my optics and moved my head away from them, even that smallest motion sending waves of dizziness and pain through my cranium. I didn't need to answer, they could guess the truth.

_Primus, I thought we were going to die…_ Skywarp just couldn't stay quiet. _You've been through that before? How can you stand it? I thought my head was going to split open!_

_You felt that?_ I was a bit puzzled. How was this possible? Up until now, they had never shared any amount of pain that I had been the recipient of… it was odd that they would start feeling it now. My processor turned over this new development, puzzling in connection to the other odd things that had been happening. Were they related?

_Drove him to his knees._ Thundercracker said grimly. _But he was more exhausted than I was…_

_You felt it too, TC…?_

_Yeah…_

_Why though? He's gotten fragged up by Megatron before and we never felt it…_

_This was different, Soundwave was doing it._

_Still, Screamer's had a few run-ins with him before… We never felt it then either._

"Primus, will you two shut up…" I growled out loud, forgetting myself.

Ratchet stopped, having been talking with Optimus. "Pardon?"

I sighed tiredly, lifting a hand slowly to my head, pushing at the side of the sensitive seam of the scar across my temple. "Not you…"

"Your wing mates?" He guessed, a curious edge to his voice. "Can't you simply block them out?" He appeared suddenly concerned, which oddly bothered me.

_Yeah stop listening in, this is OUR conversation, not yours, Screamer._

_Don't CALL me that!_ I growled out irritably. _You KNOW I hate that nickname._

_Get over it. Now butt out._

_I don't think he can…_ Thundercracker seemed bemused. _I'm getting an error in the communications network. He can't disconnect._

_What?! So he's permanently linked to us?_

"Primus no… not those two." I groaned out loud, on-lining my optics again to look pleadingly at Ratchet. "YOU can get them to shut up somehow, right?"

The two mechs in the med-bay just stared at me curiously. Optimus seemed more bemused, Ratchet looked worried. "You can't block out your wing mates' comm. chatter?"

"No." I growled. "Fix it. They talk too much."

To my growing horror, Ratchet shook his head slowly. "I'm not certain I can. I've run diagnostics on your processor, and several of the key nodes were melted and re-wired as a result of the psychic attack you endured. In addition, it may be entirely likely judging on your wing mates' reaction when you were attacked, this link may not entirely be physically created." He glanced over at Optimus then back to me with a worried frown. "I can take another look, but I'm afraid that if I tried to re-wire anything it might do worse damage."

"What?" I blinked distractedly, pushing harder at my head. The other two were arguing LOUDLY, and I couldn't block it out. "PRIMUS YOU TWO SHUT UP JUST FOR A MOMENT!" I snarled aloud. It became blissfully quiet as they switched to verbal discussions. "Finally." My optics focused back on Ratchet tiredly. "What were you saying?"

"I said, this damage may not be entirely physically linked." Ratchet frowned. "When you were attacked, they also were."

I blinked. "Their com frequencies would have been open as well."

"Not what I meant." Ratchet shook his head. "It was coming through you. When I shut you off, they stopped feeling it. It was pain transmitted through the link you three share."

I blinked again. "Impossible."

"I thought so too at first." Ratchet muttered, glancing at Optimus for an explanation. "But then I ran some tests. I found your spark was giving off some additional readings that hadn't been there the last time I scanned you. At least this time I could identify it. Typically this kind of link is formed by spark-bonds. Yet you've not had this kind of experience until recently, so it must be newly forged." He studied me carefully. "My guess is when you three merged sparks to save Skywarp, that did it. Whatever you three did, you changed your own spark patterns so they run on the same frequency."

I made a snort of disgust. "We're not bond-mates."

"No, you're not." Ratchet clarified. "But you are linked… in the way that Sunstreaker and Sideswipe are linked, is my guess. When one of them is injured, both feel the pain. Such is the case here. Like it or not, it appears you three are now brothers, literally."

_Great. Now we're stuck with each other._

_Brilliant deduction._

_SHUT UP BOTH OF YOU. Primus you make my head hurt._

_Sorry._

_Sorry._

Ratchet was watching the growing strain in my optics with some concern. "I'm worried about this situation Optimus. While Sunstreaker and Sideswipe share a mental link of sorts, they're able to block it when needed, as I understand it. Starscreams' inability to block out his teammates' chatter could become a serious problem to his mental health." He had an odd look on his face, and I knew he was thinking 'in addition to the other problems he has'. Bah.

"I can see why." Optimus murmured, studying me as I glanced his way through cracks in my fingers. "You scrambled his communications codes already I hope."

"Yes… And Skywarp and Thundercracker each put their own protocols into place so this shouldn't happen again. Soundwave can get into any of our heads, but he can't cause that kind of damage if he doesn't have the permissions a Decepticon frequency would allow him. Megatron must have known that."

"He was looking for me." I muttered hoarsely, drawing both their attentions. "He didn't believe the ruse, and wanted to know if it was really me, or just a deception…"

"Unfortunate for you that you were within range." Ratchet muttered. "If we'd been farther away he wouldn't have found you."

"He knows I'm alive now." I sighed resignedly. "He won't stop at anything to finish the job…"

There was an awkward silence in the room as the two mechs processed that information. "In either case, we need to get started upgrading your body anyway." Ratchet suggested. "While we're at it we can do some precautionary defenses so Megatron won't have another way into your systems again. We should see to your wing mates as well, seeing that I'll require one of them to study schematics."

_Not it!_

_Oh grow up Skywarp._

_Dun wanna!_

_Fine _**I'll**_ do it. But you'd better repay me for not just this, but the slaggin' paint that won't come off my chassis! You owe me high grade big-time._

"Thundercracker will be your guinea pig." I rumbled with an amused smirk.

"I'll have someone bring him here. Until then I want you remaining in the med-bay for observation. I'm still not entirely re-assured there wasn't some other long-lasting damage done here. I need to disassemble some of your chassis anyway so its as good an excuse as any I suppose." The medic grumbled. I rolled my optics at him. "Now, roll over when you can so I can get started."

"One moment of your time first." Optimus insisted as I prepared to sit up and collect my spinning composure. "Ratchet, some privacy please."

"Of course."

The medic slipped out at the request leaving me with the Autobot commander. I mentally braced myself for the inevitable coming my direction. However, Optimus surprised me. "I would like to thank you, Starscream."

"Pardon?" I was floored. Someone was... complimenting me? Let alone the enemy commander?

"Your plan worked, and as a result you helped save Bluestreaks' life. I believe he himself is very grateful at the success of your plan. Thanks to you we have prevented the loss of life, and saved a fellow. For that I am impressed and grateful for your assistance. You offered it freely without provocation. I am quite impressed."

I looked away, feeling an unnatural sense of awkwardness flood over me. Berating, screaming, insults I could handle. I had developed defenses for that. But so few of my brilliant schemes actually WORKED that I was not used to being told I had done a good job, and not being mocked over it. "It… was nothing." I ground out warily, still not trusting his intentions.

"On the contrary." Optimus sat down in one of Ratchet's medical bay chairs, making himself a bit more comfortable. "You seem not to realize that you've made a few friends here." At my disbelieving snort he shook his head. "It is true. Perceptor and Wheeljack came by several times while you were unconscious, very worried about your condition. In addition Bluestreak wishes to pass along his gratitude to you." I shifted my optics away, abruptly uncomfortable. "I realize your intentions are as we discussed before, however I would like to once again extend my offer to you." My optics slid back over to Optimus warily. "You and your wing mates have already agreed to collaborate with us for a uniform goal, however we cannot be sure how long this will take. I would like to ask you to consider becoming our Air Commander once you are back ready to take to the skies. Your knowledge and experience will be invaluable to us, and with your wing mates at your side I feel that our presence will be greatly strengthened."

I stared at him incredulously, barely able to believe what I was hearing. He was asking me to willingly join their ranks permanently, not just as a neutral collaborator, but as a ranked officer? Me, a Decepticon as long as my CPU could process? Did he even KNOW who I was, the treacherous backstabbing traitor who usually turned on anyone and everyone? Or was he merely being naive? He must be trying to trick me somehow. "You're joking, right?" I rasped out in disbelief.

"Not at all. We all need a goal, a common ends to fight for… in our case it is the possibility that one day we can end this war and live peacefully together. Merely you three being here sends hope to my spark that one day it could be possible. Consider it fighting for a cause, not a faction. Don't we all wish for a less complicated life filled with less war, less fighting?" I frowned. "Your knowledge of science in addition makes you a very valuable ally, Starscream. I had no idea that you were versed in that field. Ratchet mentioned that I should make more use of it, and I must agree with him. I am quite frankly surprised Megatron did not take advantage of your experience in that field."

"He never cared for science…." I muttered darkly. "It was a waste of time for him, a useless process that could be better spent launching assaults."

"And I believe that is why few of his endeavors have succeeded as of late." Optimus offered thoughtfully. He did not think through things that might be resolved without fighting. You are all formidable warriors of course, but I believe the mind is far stronger than brute force." He smiled as he rose. "Oh… and given your accomplishments and heroics as of late, I have come to the decision to grant you amnesty. It is in your hands where you and your team goes from here. You are welcome to stay, or you may leave. The choices is yours. I would however consider your knowledge and experience quite valuable if you decided to remain on a no-obligation basis."

I turned that information over in my head, feeling dizzy not just from the attack I had survived, but the realization I was being offered a place that I never thought I'd get a chance to stand again. I had no where to go, no place to call home, no faction to welcome me in. All this fighting thrilled my energon, but when I was out of the fury of battle, I felt tired and weighted down from it all. I longed for the chance to simply go out and EXPLORE again, study new things, find new secrets. Though the bloodthirsty part of my soul laughed in mirth at the ridiculous idea of Starscream the Mighty becoming an Autobot, of all things… the other half of me that had experienced LIFE while here on the Autobot's base… seen what it was like to live without constantly watching your back among your colleagues… I longed for that secretly.

And it wasn't so secret anymore, to my horror.

_YOU'VE GOT TO BE FRAGGIN' ME?! _Skywarp was in hysterics, his laughter ringing through the connection. _He wants you to be an Autobot?! Oh this is rich._

_To be honest, I could care less whose side we're on, as long as we're out of this blasted cell. I'm beginning to get claustrophobic._

_You're already half Autoscum, TC._

_Shut up, both of you! Let me think in peace!_

_Hey, Screamer…if you want to do this… I know how sick of the war you are…_

_I'm not sick of it!_ Skywarp sent hotly.

_Ok, except for 'Warp then. To be honest, I don't care what 'side' we're on, but you know we're with you. This war's gotta end. It's become pointless. I don't care if we turn tail and just go drink ourselves silly day in and out at this point…_

_Aw man…What am I gonna shoot at?_

_Can it already, 'Warp._

_Just… let me think it over, both of you._

_Sure thing, Screamer._

_Well… if you two fraggers wanna stay here, as long as I don't have to stop insulting them, it might not be too bad._

"As I said, you needn't give your answer now." Optimus was saying calmly. "I realize this is a very large decision. However considering you three have no home or place to return to if and when our endeavor here is complete, and considering how you will be working with us indefinitely, I thought the consideration was worth being presented. Think about it, let me know when you have reached your decision." And with that Optimus rose and nodded once before leaving the med bay, allowing Ratchet to enter.

"Right. On your front now. Here we go." The medic helped me roll over by stabilizing my head as I groaned and twisted my body around. Everything whirled wildly and I found myself wondering which way was up until finally the ground came back into focus as my optics focused below me. "Need any painkillers or can you power down the affected sections as I request?"

"I'm fine." I said darkly. I hated this more than anything right now, being so vulnerable. I couldn't fight back, I had to remain at his mercy… it was insufferable, but it had to be done.

"As you like. I'm going to put you into stasis for most of this anyway." I could feel him tinkering around at the base of my skull, knowing he was about to put me to sleep. And without warning, Ratchet flipped the emergency shutoff in my head and I slipped into stasis with a curse echoing in my head.


	10. Chapter 10: Upgrades

**My Madness, My Saving Sanity**

_**Chapter Ten: Upgrades**_

_By: Nightelfcrawler_

_Author's note: While this is G1 based, I've made Starscream a blend of his G1 and Armada personalities just because I find the dichotomy of it fascinating. It takes place in no particular timeline, following no particular events. Also, please review politely. If you haven't something nice to say, keep it to yourself please._

* * *

For most of the upgrades I was blissfully unaware. It seemed like a metaphysical surreal world in which I was only along for the ride, not a willing participant. Whatever drugs he had me on, Ratchet hadn't spared a bit. I felt weightless, and time passed meaninglessly. It was blissfully silent and peaceful in my head, no incoming chatter from my brothers. Occasionally I would come out of stasis now and then for Ratchet to ask some questions, and most of it I felt groggy and unresponsive. I caught sight of Thundercracker nearby once or twice, sometimes just standing talking to the medic, other times with a panel open here and there. However I didn't remain conscious for long, and continued to drift back into restless recharge…

It was not free of dreams, or in this case nightmares.

_"Pull up, pull up!"_

_"I can't…wind shears…go save yourself. Bring help…"_

_"I can't leave you! SKYFIRE!"_

I woke with a start when something sharp and painful jolted me out of stasis. Suddenly the world snapped back into focus with abrupt clarity. "Hold him, hold him! Slag it, if he moves now this could screw up his wiring."

Strong arms grabbed my arms and legs, and my brief struggle ended as I blinked into awareness, feeling the familiar presence of my wing mates nearby before I knew what was happening. "Easy Screamer." Thundercracker said quietly at my audio receptor. "Just relax."

"Wha…?" I muttered out loud, disoriented as I felt another sharp agonizing jolt of pain in my back.

"He's putting your wings on." Skywarp added cheerily from somewhere behind me. Ah, so he was the one holding my legs.

"So if you want to fly again, hold still for Primus' sake." Ratchet growled.

I bit any retort back as another lance of pain shot through my back as the sound of a welding torch turned back on. "Can't you put him back down for this?" Thundercracker was asking, a dark tone to his voice. I glanced sharply to the side and saw his optics appeared strained. Was the pain still translating over to the two of them? This link was becoming more and more bothersome.

"I could." Ratchet growled irritably. "But it's best he's alert in case I need him to tell me anything last minute. He's the one who designed this body, after all."

I did a quick check of my chronometer to see how long it had been. Slag, months…! That must mean he was nearly done. I wondered idly what I looked like. I could already feel more bulk weighting me down. My armor had been installed, the wings were the last bit other than weapons most likely. I tried to relax and shut out the pain, but it was difficult when all the sensory nodes were being hooked up. Each connection sent a spasm through my frame, though at the same time I could FEEL the air pressure, the wind, the temperature gauges as they were slowly hooked up. I concentrated instead on running diagnostics of my newly installed systems. Armor at 85 percent efficiency, as the wings were still being installed. However my boosters were at 100 percent, scanners on-line, communications systems repaired, vocalizer repaired, and I was a bit interested to note that Ratchet had gone ahead and installed at least one of the weapons systems I'd requested. My null rays would have to be re-built by myself, as they were too complex for Ratchet to handle. He was a doctor, not a weapons designer. However the more simplistic cannons on my shoulders were attached though inactive, and I knew the other weapons I had requested were in place after I shot a quick glance at the other wing laying on the ground. I could see the joints there requiring the transformation of the parts. It was going to be glorious…

It didn't take as long as I thought it would. I supposed that by now pain was secondary to me, and I had learned to shut it out. By the time I had finished restructuring my system priorities and adjusting specifications to my liking, Ratchet had stepped back and was wiping grease off his hands as he studied his work. "All right… you can let him up now."

The pressure left my limbs and I slowly moved to roll to my side. Nothing reeled or whirled this time, everything remained stable as I slowly sat up, flexing my arms as I sat on the table, glancing down at the work. It was a fine job, if I did say so myself. Ratchet had even painted the new armor according to my specifics. Red and white reflected back at me with glimpses of silver at my joints and black accents. It was an entirely different structure, yet there were still hints of the same design of my old self. The black helmet swept over my head with some fine noble additions to my facial plates. The wings were more streamlined and narrow, but just as long as they had been previously. The Seeker influence was still prominent, only the design was different. But there would be no mistaking me from my comerades anymore, even from a distance. Both Thundercracker and Skywarp were watching me warily, though I could see their optics looked interested, impressed at my rebuild. I stood up and flexed my limbs grunting my approval as nothing ground or grated. "Excellent." My voice sounded more mellow now, though it still was not exactly the same, it sounded more like my old voice than it had before. There was still an odd raspiness to my vocalizor that I frowned upon a bit. Perhaps it was merely a lingering effect of Soundwave's attack and my bloodcurdling scream in reaction that might have damaged my calibrating vocalizer. I would have to see if I could fix that.

"I don't want you over-stressing yourself just yet." Ratchet warned. "This means no dramatic aerial stunts." He glared meaningfully at me. "Those weld-joints won't heal overnight, it'll take a few days for your repair system to strengthen them." He tossed a rag into a dirty pile of tools in the corner. "But, Optimus is holding a meeting soon which you should attend. After that I encourage you to try some sparring and try and break everything in properly, just take it easy." He punched up some diagnostics. "Your weapons should all be on-line now, fully powered." He gave me a sidelong glare that told me clearly he hoped and expected I would be prudent enough not to go crazy with them, especially in the base.

I nodded, lifting my head proudly pleased at the finished work. "I must say, Hatchet…" He bristled at the nickname. "While your bedside manner is lacking at times, your skills are certainly worthy of respect."

"You're welcome." Ratchet growled irritably. "I suppose saying 'thank you' is just too hard for you, isn't it."

"Did you expect anything less?" I smirked.

"No, I suppose not. Now get going."

With a snort, I strode firmly out of the med bay on my own two feet finally, no longer feeling weak and powerless. With my new body had come a refurbished sense of confidence. I felt confidant, strong, powerful once more. No further than a few steps out of the med bay, my wing mates finally voiced their thoughts aloud. "Your new armor fits you, Screamer." Thundercracker said quietly. "It's very sleek… Bet you can pull mach 3 now."

"No doubt." I mused. "I'm itching to get back in the sky again… it's been ages."

"Man… no fair." Skywarp crossed his arms sourly. "I want a redesign."

"You could use it, you're beginning to gather too many dents to your head."

"If you really want one I can oblige. Just stand still…"

"Maybe they can upgrade his brain while they're at it…"

"Hey!"

The conference room was already crowded with mechs preparing to listen to Optimus' report. The three of us only hovered in the doorway, unable to proceed as bodies packed the room. Over the murmur of voices, Optimus' could be heard. "Calm down, all of you. Now listen, this is important. I want you all on your best behavior for this… we will be having dignitaries from the various countries visiting our base, and in order to prepare we need to work together. We'll have to tidy up a bit, but above all I want you in top condition for some demonstrations. We will be expected to show our battle prowess to encourage these leaders to lend support to the American government to fund our endeavors. Ironhide?"

"Sir?"

"Weapons training with Prowl. I want all the younglings to display their unique skills. Bluestreak, Red Alert you're in charge of security. Make sure our defense network is in top shape. Sunstreaker, Sideswipe…please for Primus' sake BEHAVE. I'll ask Starscream and his team to do some maneuvers not only to enlighten us, but to show our aerial defense is strong as well."

"But sir, you can't be expecting three Decepticons to actually HELP us when we go into battle?" Someone blurted out in the crowd. "We can't trust them!"

"They are not Decepticons any longer." Optimus said firmly. "Given their co-operation and willingness to help save Bluestreak, Prowl, myself and Jazz have agreed to grant them pardon. I have also extended an invitation for them to unite forces with us, but until I receive their answer they are simply allies in our cause and should be treated with respect. We have three valuable warriors at our disposal, and while you might not agree with their tactics in the past and may harbor grudges, I feel it is important we all study anything they can enlighten us with in order to learn our enemy, and also learn new tactics we might not have developed on our own. Let us put the past behind us and focus on the future. I expect you all to act professionally."

"What a brilliant idea." I said wryly.

As one, every head in the room turned in our direction. There were several stunned expressions, and I couldn't blame them. What they saw was a complete transformation from the mech I once was, and especially the pitiful creature they had come to know over the past few months. I stood tall once more before them, a strong example of elite aerial prowess. My body was mostly red white and black now, with no blue any longer. My wings were thinner and longer, streamlined with my body which was slightly more compact, but just as bulky when it came to the newly mounted cannons on my shoulders. While I still had similar properties to my old form, such as my seeker basic design and helmet protecting my cranium, I clearly stood out as drastically different from my brothers. I smirked as I saw more than one mech gawking. Idiots.

"Starscream. It's good to see you finally on your feet once again." Optimus greeted kindly, betraying the fact that he actually WAS glad to see me. I snorted and strode into the room. Mechs made way for me, though it was a bit awkward here and there as my wings cut a wide berth as I wove my path towards the table. Skywarp and Thundercracker chose wisely to stay behind. "I take it you are satisfied with the end result?"

I smirked wider. "It will do."

Already I could hear some muttering through the ranks. Obviously not all the Autobots had thought it wise to repair me to fighting shape. Ignorant morons. I lifted my shoulders and steeled myself for what had to happen next. "Optimus Prime." I said boldly. That silenced everyone as eyes turned to stare at me. "I have given your proposal serious consideration." There was some puzzlement now, as mechs glanced at each other. He had obviously not informed all of them of his invitation for me to lead their aerial troops, granted my team were the ONLY aerial troops they had, still it was more a ceremonial move than significant. "And I have decided to accept it under one condition." Optimus nodded once, waiting for me to continue. "If we join you, we join you on a trial basis. I am still not yet convinced that this is the place for us… however…" I trailed off frowning thoughtfully as several mechs stared at me in shock hearing this kind of talk from a Decepticon, Starscream no less. It made me want to grin widely at their shock. I withheld my glee. "I believe most of our goals coincide… while our tactics may vary drastically."

"That you three are bloodthirsty murderers?" Someone muttered. I glared darkly across the room, optics narrowing.

"We are at war." I said silkily. "What names do you think Decepticons use to describe you, I wonder?" I smirked at the glowers. "Believe me, names share all boundaries. Some are more commonly used than you think." I turned my gaze back to Optimus. "While I and my comrades may not share your morals and ideals, as you have so obviously pointed out our goals are the same. Therefore it behooves us to work together to achieve that goal. Once we reach it however, it remains to be decided where we go. I must make clear, we are not Autobots. We will work with you for now… but we are not JOINING your faction. We are our own entity."

Optimus nodded once in acceptance of my proposal, and smiled in response. "I understand. In that case it is my pleasure to welcome your team. Though you will not join our faction, I am going to give you the status thereof as Air Commander, as your experience will be valuable."

I could feel the grimace of those around us, but I lifted my head high, pride shining in my optics. We lived to fight Megatron, and that was that. If I got the chance to order others around who hated my guts, all the better for me. Granted, we were the only fliers in the Autobot force, but that was a small insignificant point.

_Does this mean we gotta put on Autobot insignia? _Grumbled Skywarp resentfully glancing at his own Decepticon symbols painted proudly on his wings. Ironically enough I was the only one without insignia in my brand new body.

_I'm sure they'd prefer it._ Thundercracker sighed. _Though I'm not hot on the idea myself. I'd rather just scratch ours off._

_I'm not intending to do so. We could just create our own._ I sent wryly to them. We were our own squadron, who was to say we couldn't design our own insignia. That was my intention.

The rest of the meeting was rather boring, however when it was finished I turned to my wing mates. "Come on. I need to test my new systems out. You two can be my target practice." I grinned darkly at them as they exchanged looks.

"Oh, wonderful." Thundercracker muttered. "Maybe that will score some of this white paint off me."

There were more than one curious glances thrown our way at my declaration of doing a test run, and before we knew it, we had an audience following us. As a group, nearly all the base seemed to decide they wanted to get a look at my demonstration up close. After all, how often did they have the chance to see their former enemy's tactics without being fired on. Ususally I was so quick and light in the air that most missed me before they knew what hit them. But all that left my mind as we stepped outside and the sunshine poured down around me making my freshly painted armor practically glow. It felt GOOD to feel the wind ever so gently rippling against my extended wings, practically itching to take to the air. It must have showed, or perhaps it was the rumble of my thrusters that clued him in, but Ratchet put a warning hand on my shoulder. "Start slow and low. I don't want to have to pick up the pieces if something malfunctions in mid-air."

I shrugged him off with a growl. "I know what I'm doing."

"Just be careful." He warned, backing off at my hostility.

I snorted. What kind of fool did he take me for? I'd been flying far longer than he realized, I knew how to do it. As long as my thrusters or my wings remained intact I could maneuver if the other failed. I was confidant in my skills, even if my body had some hiccups to work out at first. Confidently, I tilted my head upwards and ignited my thrusters to test them out. They roared to life, spitting fumes and dirt as they slammed hot air into the ground below. I stretched my wings a little, moving the flaps as I itched to just jump into the sky and get going, however I also knew prudence. I had to test my transformation cog first. This was the most important part, to make sure my body reconfiguration could undergo a smooth transition. I stepped away from the gathered group as my wing mates took to the skies automatically. I however waited on the ground and tested out my first change to the alt form I'd programmed myself with. It was a modified version of my comrades usual F-15 Eagle as I had no new vehicle to scan, therefore when I initialized the sequence and felt everything slide smoothly into place I was extremely respectful of Ratchet's talents. I transformed back and tested my joints then nodded in satisfaction and jumped into the air with a roar of thrusters, transforming in one smooth sequence and blasting into the sky.

It felt GOOD. Really, really good. The wind rushed around my streamlined body and in a flash of wind and sound I buzzed my comrades and laughed at their sudden bolt out of formation. "Fools! Catch me if you can!" I challenged gleefully whipping around and transforming again, hovering directly before them as they bolted towards me with roaring engines. What proceeded then was nothing short of fun. Diving twisting and darting between clouds, Skywarp and Thundercracker fell easily into their familiar roles of chasing me from cloud to cloud. My new form performed admirably, each turn and twist effortless and light on the wind, responding instantly to my mere thought, taking the drafts light and agile. Though I made a point not to push the newly welded wing joints, this body was not only lighter and more agile than my previous one, but it was faster too. In a jet of sound and wind I had left them behind on the horizon and taken to the sky like a streak of light into the distant stars. I felt weightless, free as the sky…

Sky…

Skyfire…

My spark surged with sudden emotion as the name danced around my processors. Odd though it might sound, I found myself wondering if I should ever look for him again. The chat with Perceptor had jogged my nerves. Skyfire had crashed on a remote world… that meant that if no one had heard from him, his body could still be buried in the polar region where he'd crashed… I only had to find out WHERE. As pathetic as it sounded, I knew that if I asked to look for him, Optimus would not only support the endeavor, but probably offer to help himself.

And what would happen when I found him?

The thought gave me pause, as a chill traveled through my lightweight frame. True, things had changed from months ago when I had still be in the Decepticon ranks. I FELT like a different mech, more like my self before the war… but I still had changed drastically from the mech I was then.

_He'd understand._

Slag it… I HATED this open connection._ Thank you TC, I don't believe I asked for your input._

_Not our fault your thoughts are screamin' at us, Screamer._

_Shut up._

I twisted back towards the Autobot base and slowed for my wing mates to catch up. They obediently fell into formation at my side, one on each wing in a V pattern. It was a common pose for us and without any prompting they knew what to do. As one, we banked to the right diving towards the ground and peppering the desert with bright dappled laser fire that sent rivets of dirt flying into the air, then banked left and performed a series of fancy aerial stunts. We were fast, deadly and uniform. And oddly enough, the entire procedure felt effortless now. Sharing our thoughts enabled me to give instant directions, and have instant response. It was like a finely oiled machine, flawless and perfect in every move. I was quickly becoming quite thrilled with this new-found connection we shared. It had it's downsides, but it was a huge advantage in battle. Perhaps this is how Soundwave felt: always in control.

We broke formation as I gave the order and then began a demonstration of our aerial prowess. This involved twisting, dodging and firing on each other with low power beams. We had done the practice many times before, testing each others' skills. I was pleased to find that not only was I not rusty, but my new form was far faster and agile than ever before. I didn't allow a single hit to score on me, and landed more than a dozen on each as a result. However that wasn't all that was up my sleeve. I broke formation without warning, and ignored their questions as to what I was doing. In mid-air I performed a perfect transformation and grinned darkly. On my shoulders the cannons rotated and flipped around to point directly at the two seekers who were still flying towards me puzzled. I powered up the cannons and fired.

Predictably they scattered, as I knew they would. The cannons were not instant fire, they took a few seconds to power up and release their energy. This gave them more than enough time to dodge, thankfully as I had no real intention to hurt them. I did however want to test out the power of these formidable weapons. The bright magenta blast sent them scattering to the side as the blast slammed into the cliff-side nearby and it exploded in a brilliant display of red dirt and fire. I stared in amazement as the dust cleared. Half the cliff had been obliterated…. I could feel myself grinning ear to ear. The power in these cannons was almost as strong as Megatron's cannon… almost.

The downside was quite obvious. One glance told me my energy levels had been cut nearly in half. Primus, that was inefficient! I was going to have to be careful when and where I used these…. However that didn't mean I was done playing with my wing mates. I put the cannons back in their dormant position and turned to face the two who had shifted mid-air to stare at me in shock. "Well?" I grinned darkly, aware that we were still being watched from below. "Come on. Show me what you've got. Attack!"

They exchanged glances, and then lifted their arm mounted guns. I tensed mid-air and as they open fired I dodged and twisted to avoid the blasts.

Then, I pulled my trump card.

Before he even realized what was happening, Thundercracker found his neck suddenly occupied by a brightly glowing red blade of energy pressed close to his armor. It was one of my own designes, a blade imbued with my own life force, with a small back-up battery installed in each hilt so it didn't train my own strength. "Surprise." I hissed in his ear, aware he'd frozen in place.

"Holy…" Skywarp froze staring in shock at me, with a look of disbelief mixed with disgust. "Is that… your… WING?!"

I grinned darkly and disengaged the energon charged blade, pulling it away from my wingmate's throat. Thundercracker twisted about, staring at it warily. "That is…interesting Screamer."

"Isn't it though?" I mused, hefting the blade over my shoulder.

"Do they both do that?" Skywarp asked, morbidly curious.

I grinned and with one swift move removed my other wing and twirled both blades around in rapid succession ending with them crossed before my face, energon charging them both with a brilliant ruby glow as my thrusters kept me upright. It was slightly unstable without my wings to balance, but I was a skilled enough flier to manage it. "I doubt Megatron will expect this." I hissed in a low voice. "He'll NEVER know what hit him… poor defenseless Starscream begging for his life…." I chuckled darkly, imagining the shock I would see on his face when I stabbed both swords through his spark. "…the fool will deserve his fate for doing what he did to me… he after all is the one who is responsible for these lovely tools of war." I lifted the blades high and brought them down with streaks of crimson at my side before disengaging the energon charge and slipping them back into place as they snapped into formation becoming wings once more.

I was aware the looks that both my brethren were giving me. "I think he's lost it."

"Definitely lost it this time."

I shot them both glares of scathing dislike, then dove for the ground, landing smoothly with a small burst of my thrusters. "Fragheads." I muttered to myself before turning to glance at the rest of the gathered Autobots. Most of them were watching me with some expressions that told they had been intrigued by our little demonstration.

"That was impressive." Ironhide said with a low grudging voice, eyeing me warily as my two wing mates landed behind me. "Even for you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I frowned crossing my arms. "Are you implying something?"

"No, stating it." Ironhide said with an equally stubborn frown. "You weren't half bad before, all right you were a pretty damn good flier consider we'd never managed to capture you. But that…" He shook his head and glanced up at the sky. "I suppose I should be glad you've decided to side with us for the time being."

"I suppose." I smirked.

"Hey, Screamer…" Skywarp drawled, looping an arm around my shoulders much to my chagrin. "He's right you know. Your flying HAS gotten better."

I shot him a glare. "My flying has not improved.. I've merely been able to maximize my potential to it's full ability."

"Whatever, Star." Thundercracker said lazily, leaning on my other shoulder. "He IS right to an extent. Your new body lets you cheat."

"All the better for me."

"Yeah so you admit being a cheater…."

"Shut it, 'Warp. You're one to talk."

"Hah! You're just jealous."

Optimus chuckled slightly listening to us trade barbs. "I must say, nonetheless I am impressed. I do have one question however." I lifted an optic ridge in question. "There is one thing I have noticed, and perhaps the answer is obvious. However, it seems Megatron has sought out specifically those with special abilities to enlist in his ranks. Is there any specific reason why, other than the need to increase his power in ranks?"

I blinked in thought. "I never considered it much. I suppose you're right, the reason is obvious. Having those with skills above the norm would be an additive bonus to our ranks. It makes sense he would seek us out."

"Wait…" Ironhide frowned eyeing me with a look I certainly didn't appreciate. "I know what Slippery and Loudaft can do…" I glared at him, knowing what was coming. "What special skill do you have, other than grating on everyone's nerves?"

I narrowed my optics, tempted to snap something sharp, but held my tongue out of the need to not bring out weapons in my direction. Fortunately, my wing mates weren't about to let me take that kind of abuse either. "Don't you know?" Skywarp said, leering at the mech, leaning on my shoulder harder as he pitched forward a bit, wing bumping my head. "What you guys haven't figured that out yet?"

My optic ridge twitched. _Skywarp…beha__ve._

He shot me a wide smirk, and ignored me. "He irritates people out of the skies."

"Ah. Thought so." My optic ridge twitched again.

"Actually…" Thundercracker spoke up in an attempt to save my dignity. "No one's faster than he is. Starscream can out-fly anyone. Even us. Speed is his best asset…"

"Brains second." Skywarp smirked. "A distant second sometimes."

"That's it!" I snapped, and whirled about, tackling him full on, slamming him to the ground as he laughed raucously. "I'll twist your fuselage into pieces!"

The Autobots probably thought it was odd seeing two Decepticon killers wrestling in the dust as if it were perfectly ordinary, but given our upbringing we were quite accustomed to trading blows now and then. Thundercracker even kept score for us, calling out the fouls as we struggled. It ended when Skywarp had enough and warped out from under me. "Hey!" I snapped, glaring up at him as he re-appeared behind his wing mate and laughed madly at me. "Oh brilliant… as if you haven't used that trick before. Don't you have ANY creativity?"

"Hey, it worked didn't it?"

"Bah."

The gathered Autobots all seemed rather amused at our antics, but I was tired, and in need of recharge. The burst of excitement had stimulated my energon greatly, but there was still no denying I had been out of commission for months now, and needed rest to calibrate my new systems. "I'm going to get slagged." I muttered with a sigh, flexing my wings a little. They felt oddly out of place with the joints that hadn't been there before, and were a bit sore from their first use. I had probably pushed them as hard as I dared for now.

"I'll join you!" Skywarp was quick to follow, slinging an arm around my wings. I shoved him off irritably, but he still tagged along beside me like a loyal puppy. With a restrained sigh, I made my way back into the base as Thundercracker followed behind the two of us, along with a myriad of Autobots. It wasn't long before I had situated myself in the corner of the rec room, a tall cube of high grade glittering on the table before me as my wing-mates sat down with me. "Um… Screamer… what are you doing?" Skywarp asked as he stared at the tall cube, one of his own in hand, already half empty. "You KNOW you can't handle your high grade."

"I can do just fine, thank you." Was my terse reply as I sipped the tingling fluid, already feeling the burning sensation start through my systems pleasantly heating me up.

The Autobots were all avoiding us, as usual. Despite having been temporarily accepted by Optimus, the others still weren't going to be quick to join his confidence in trusting us. However, there were some exceptions. As we sat quietly talking amongst ourselves, footsteps caused us to pause. I glanced up to see Bluestreak staring down at me with an uncomfortable expression written plainly all over his face. "Uh, hi do you mind if I join you, I mean I'm sure you probably would like to have time to yourselves, but I thought that I should thank you for what you did, after all you did save my life and well I've never heard of any Decepticon doing something like that before so… yeah."

I blinked at the rambling sentence, the mech's trademark, trying to make heads or tails of it. I was consciously aware that everyone was staring and it had grown quite silent in the rec room, though they were trying to pretend they weren't watching. Figures, busybots. Aware Bluestreak was still standing awkwardly waiting for some kind of reply, I set my jaw and cleared my throat uncertainly. "It was nothing…" I muttered, squinting up at him feeling my head already starting to double-stamp images from only the small sips I'd had.

"Nothing?" Thundercracker said amused. "He's just being modest. He loves showing off how great his brain works."

I glared intently at my wing mate, murderously. Bluestreak glanced uncomfortably at the two Seekers who had identical grins a contrast to my scowl. "Yeah, I'm surprised he's not gloating about how wonderful it turned out!" Skywarp added, as both of them latched onto my wings and tugged lightly. My optic ridge twitched more.

"Well… I just wanted to say that I appreciate what you did, even if you had your own reasons for doing it I still think that maybe we can work together…" Bluestreak said nervously glancing between the three of us. "So yeah…" He turned and walked off, but after that I felt a little less awkward being surrounded by Autobots.

But he wasn't the last to interrupt our solitude. To my charign both Wheeljack and Perceptor wandered up with bright smiles. "Hey, mind if we join you guys?" Perceptor asked cheerfully.

Skywarp and Thundercracker both looked at me in tandum. My optic ridge twisted. I was NOT in the mood to chat science in front of these two, but on the other hand… I felt odd thinking this as well… I didn't want to… INSULT them.

_OhmyPrimus… hedoesn'twannainsultthem!! _Skywarp found himself dumped on the ground thanks to one sharp move of my foot against his chair. That didn't stop him from sniggering out loud.

Studiously ignoring him, I gestured at the now open chair that Skywarp had vacated. "It appears we have free room at our table."

That sent Skywarp into deeper laughter as he picked himself up and gave me a wide smirk then sauntered off through the throngs of Autobots before sitting himself, rather squeezing himself, rather inappropriately between the gold and red troublesome twins. "Hey guys!"

Oh boy. I didn't envy Ratchet tomorrow morning.

Surprisingly, both Wheeljack and Perceptor were open and warm to both Thundercracker and myself. Though Thundercracker was no scientist and understood little of what they started discussing with me, they tried to include him in friendly chat. It was awkward, but not unpleasant. Skywarp, the strange vision of idiocy that he was, had somehow succeeded in not only avoiding getting his wings ripped off by the twins, but had them BOTH laughing raucously after a few cubes.

It was a very strange sight to see them singing bar songs with arms slung around each other's shoulders, completely oblivious to previous battle lines.

The world clearly was doomed.

I shook my head and finished off my own cube, as others were filtering out to recharge as the night wore on.

The high-grade felt good as I indulged, ignoring most of the chatter around me as I sunk deeply into my thoughts. Now that we'd been temporarily instated in the Autobot's forces and permitted some freedoms, my thoughts turned to the one thing that had weighed heavily on my mind. I was the worst kind of scum there was. I was a traitor, in more than one occasion now, and in more ways than one. Not only had I abandoned my old life, my old career to join the Decepticons, but for them I had become a bloodthirsty killer, a brutal warrior, abandoning my own preferences to transform into something else entirely.

Now… I had thrown all that away once more, to embrace something entirely different.

Though it seemed radically different joining the Autobot forces than the Decepticons, the principle and ultimate goal had never changed: Kill Megatron.

I was still going to be a murderer, no matter what I did.

My troubles must have been as loud as a scream of anguish to my wing mates. Though we'd been able to develop a way to block out our thoughts directly when we put our minds to it, the feelings were something that we couldn't hide. I could feel the worry coming from Thundercracker, and puzzlement from Skywarp. They were both staring at me with concern in their optics through out the night, despite their own distractions… They were also smart enough not to break my solace of silence…


	11. Chapter 11: Ghosts of the Past

**My Madness, My Saving Sanity**

_**Chapter Eleven: Ghosts of the Past**_

_By: Nightelfcrawler_

_Author's note: While this is G1 based, I've made Starscream a blend of his G1 and Armada personalities just because I find the dichotomy of it fascinating. It takes place in no particular timeline, following no particular events. Also, please review politely. If you haven't something nice to say, keep it to yourself please._

* * *

A very loud and quite frankly, obnoxious sound bore into my head, waking me from what had been a very deep and peaceful recharge. With a low groan, I rolled over, a wing smacking the wall as I did so, still unused to having the familiar presence of them back with me. Letting out a loud curse, I on-lined my optics to pitch blackness and fumbled for the lights, glaring briefly at my internal chronometer. It was early. Very early. Too early to be up. Even my wing mates weren't awakened by me stirring about yet, their signals solidly in recharge, dead to the world for all they knew.

Ah, blissful silence.

The door buzzed again.

I struggled to my feet, and became abruptly aware how much the room was spinning around me. I grabbed the top of the bunk to steady myself, watching as star sparkled about my vision. Frag it all to hell, whoever was out there was going to get a verbal bashing they would never forget. To hell if I woke everyone else in the process. I stomped angrily over to the control panel and bashed my fist onto the button. "WHAT!?" I snarled furiously.

There was a long pause. "Oh dear, I forgot how early it was. My sincere apologies." Great… it was Perceptor. "I can return later if you would prefer to return to recharge…"

I sighed. I was up now, what did it matter. Some of my anger was dissolving away. There was just something about the scientist that made me not want to yell at him. I pushed the door release and it slid open. Standing there with the usual curious expression he wore, Perceptor looked as wide-awake as ever.

It was far too early for this. I almost shut the door again.

He smiled warmly as I stared down at him. "I was hoping you might assist me in some calculations, if you were up to it. I'm sure you're still feeling rather out of sorts after being in stasis for over a month, I thought you might enjoy a challenge to get your processor kicking full-gear again."

I rubbed my facial plates, doing my best to qualm the sharp retort that was on the tip of my vocalizer. "And you had to do this at this Primus-cursed hour of the morning? Is anyone even up yet? Pit, I just went to bed a few hours ago."

"Ah, sorry about that. I have a habit of rising out of recharge before anyone else is up. It's much quieter, you can get more done without being bothered."

He had a point. The other Autobots made no secret of their loathing for me and my brothers. Though we may have been assigned as members of their team, that didn't mean the rest were ready to hold hands and sing songs around a campfire with us. I had no doubt that Skywarp was going to have to watch his back today after he woke, if the twins even remembered having shared cubes of high-grade with him last night. Jet Judo was the LAST thing he'd have to worry about.

I rubbed my cranial casing to try and alleviate the pounding leftover from overdosing on high-grade myself, and decided that since I was up, I might as well go with it. "Well, I'm up anyway." I grumbled stepping outside my quarters to join him, though shooting him a 'I'm not amused' glare to tell him how unhappy I was at being woken prematurely. "What are you dabbling in then?"

"I thought up a new idea for energon purification that could be a bit more energy efficient."

Sounded completely dull and uninteresting.

"Very well. Gives me something to do." I muttered trying my best to stifle a yawn. It didn't work. Nonetheless, we both made our way towards the galley, filled up on a few cubes of low grade and traveled down to the lab to enjoy breakfast as we worked.

It was odd, I thought as I stared at a data pad slowly sipping the energon, feeling it revitalize me a bit as I studied the diagrams, everything seemed rather normal now. Sure, everyone knew who I was, I'd been rebuilt and was 'myself' again, or as close as I could come to it, yet here I sat calmly with an Autobot, talking about insignificant things like the weather and science. Sure, I was a sarcastic, dry irritable prick sometimes, even I knew that fact even when my wing mates failed to remind me. But still, these little moments made me forget the drama, the chaos, the murders I had engaged in. A brief pulse of normalcy, a chance for acceptance, a friend who listened to my ideas…

A friend.

I paused, staring emptily at the data pad, not absorbing the information as I let my thoughts wander. It was so rare nowadays that I could sit back and reflect in peace without my brothers barging into my mind, reading my thoughts and feelings. Now, it was silence: calm, peaceful silence. It was bliss, and gave me the chance to think. Friends… There had been a point not too long ago that the word would have made me snort with mirth, but now… I began to accept the fact that I DID have them, however unlikely it had seemed. My wing mates were now my brothers, as close as anyone could possibly get to me, I supposed. Perceptor had become a confidant of sorts, and even the crazy Wheeljack was a friendly sight for sore optics, as long as you maintained a healthy distance from him when he was 'experimenting'.

But no matter how I looked at it, there was still no denying one fact.

No one would ever replace Skyfire.

I hadn't ever told Thundercracker and Skywarp the full truth about him. They knew he'd been a partner, and that I'd lost him on a science expedition, but they didn't know much more than the basic details. I couldn't possibly ever relate the truth to them, they were too close to me, our relationship built on something entirely different than what Skyfire and I had experienced. They wouldn't understand. Well, perhaps Skywarp might. Odd as it sounded, beneath that joking rough exterior was an insecure mech that had come far in his life. He'd told me about his own troubles and experiences that had led him to join the Decepticons. While Thundercracker hadn't shared his story with either of us yet, we had no doubt his was something similar to ours. Different, yet eerily alike. We all shared that one bond, the bond of loss and pain.

Perceptor was the complete absence of pain. Everything around him sang peace and calm, optimism and curiosity. It was like he'd never suffered conflict once in his life, and for all I knew he hadn't. I hadn't exactly taken the time to find out what his life story was.

Not that I really CARED.

But he did.

"You know, I really do enjoy these sessions of ours, Starscream." The scientist lifted his head to smile in my direction as I broke out of my train of thoughts and stared back at him over the data pad. "Despite what the others think, you really DO have a brilliant mind."

"Thank you so much." I drawled rather dryly, shooting him a bored look. "I don't get told that enough."

"I imagine praise isn't as lucrative in the Decepticon ranks as it is here…"

"Not particularly."

"It must be incredibly hard to cope with, never being praised or acknowledged for doing a good job…" He mused. "I don't think I could ever stand that, such a negative work environment… How did you manage it?"

I snorted lightly, glancing down at the data pad and typing in a quick calculation as it came to me. "I didn't get to exercise my brilliance much. Or if I did, it was within the confines of my own quarters."

"How uninspiring." Perceptor said quietly. "It sounds suffocating, to be frank."

"It was." I admitted quietly, frowning into the data pad, not seeing the numbers as my thoughts wandered. "But I knew I was smart, and that was all that mattered."

Perceptor looked a bit startled, and glanced my way. "Didn't your wing mates share their criticism with you?"

"Are you joking?" I snorted, a grin pulling at my lips. "Those two wouldn't know which end of a capacitor to attach to a warp gate. Try talking science with either of them and you'll end up with either a blank stare or smart-aft comment for your trouble."

"Ah, good point." Perceptor pursed his lips. "What about any other friends you had among your faction?"

I lifted an optic ridge at him.

"Oh come on…" Perceptor urged, lowering his data pad. "Surely you had some you could confide in?"

"Decepticons don't work that way." I said flatly, biting back the scathing barb I wanted to add about Autobots being too soft. "Any science findings I kept to myself and analyzed on my own."

"You had no one at all to share your interest with?" Perceptor asked softly. "Ever?"

I knew where he was going with this… he was digging into places he shouldn't. But as I stared emptily at the data pad in my hand, my mind drifted over the realization that here was someone actually interested in hearing about ME… Not to exploit anything, not to make fun of me, but because he was interested, because he cared. My thoughts danced around in quiet privacy, as I hesitated for a moment, seriously thinking over whether or not to continue to hide the truth, to push it back even from myself, or to open up to someone at last, share some of what I'd longed to share to another, but had never been willing to do. I ran a finger along the top of the data pad, deep in thought. It must have shown too, as Perceptor watched me with a knowing expression. It had been a long time since I had been amidst the Decepticon ranks, and since then, some of my barriers had fallen, or dissolved and not been restored. I lifted my optics and met his, and in that moment made a decision. I wasn't sure what made me do it, but I set the data pad down and fixed him with a stare. "I had a partner once." I said bluntly. "Before I joined the Decepticons."

I could see interest sparkling in Perceptor's optics as he listened attentively, not daring to interrupt me for fear I might stop. I lowered my optics to stare at my fingers as I wove them together, afraid if I maintained contact with his gaze that I might lose my nerve. "I enjoyed working with him. We did well together. He was the calm rational type, I was the extremist coming up with new innovative ideas." I frowned then slowly lifted my hand to slip into my side compartment and pulled out the shiny yet dented golden metal piece that I had kept close, and passed it over to him in silence.

Perceptor took the medal, slid it closer so he could study it, and when he caught sight of the engraved face his optics widened. "Primus… This is the Cybertronian Science Award…" He lifted his head, staring across at me reverently. "You won it…? That is outstanding. I had no idea…" He trailed off spotting the other name engraved on the face. "…Ah… so that's where you got the name Skyfire from…" He lifted his optics one more. "It was his name, yes?"

I nodded in silence before reaching back to take the medal and tuck it safely away. Perceptor waited as I sat there, frowning as I buried my thoughts in my own reminiscence. After a moment, I forced myself to continue, realizing that as much as Perceptor was curious to know more about me, I needed to let this out, needed someone to hear it, even if they didn't understand it… "I was the first Seeker to enter the Science Academy, and the last to my knowledge. Others didn't like the idea, thought that mechs like me were meant for fighting, not analysis. It wasn't the best working environment, but I wasn't about to let that stop me." I smirked slightly. "Got myself a pretty foul reputation as a result, but my achievements got me the top ranking in the school. As a result, I got myself paired up on a senior project with the second highest ranking student, this big hulking transport flier who'd sooner dent his own fuselage than step on a glitch mouse." I chuckled despite myself. "We were complete opposites. He got on my nerves constantly, and I'm sure I irritated him to no end, but he was better at hiding it than I was. But at the end of the day we came up with better ideas together, finished work and came up with more ideas than we would have individually. We made a good team." I trailed off, frowning as the memories slipped into the territory of the less pleasant. "We were on a geological scouting mission to gather biological data on some more remote regions, when it all went wrong. I was being an idiot, even I can admit to that." I sighed with a dark scowl. "I was showing off how skilled at flying I was, and he was trying to keep up…." I trailed off and stopped there, not meeting Perceptors' optics. No doubt he could finish the story on his own.

It was silent for a while, then something bumped against my hand forcing me to look up. To my surprise, a cube of high grade sat sparkling at my wrist, and a quick glance to Perceptor confirmed my suspicions. The mech was watching me seriously, not showing pity, but understanding. "I'm sorry, Starscream." He said somberly, optics serious. "I know what it's like to lose a partner. It must have been devastating."

My hand slid around the high grade and I ran a thumb along the rim of the sparkling container, then took a deep draught. To hell with being a lightweight. If this took the edge off the pain, all the better for it. "What was even worse…" I said feeling the liquid burn down my intakes, as I forced myself to refrain from coughing on the fumes, which only resulted in making my voice even more hoarse. "…I couldn't even have closure. His body's buried somewhere in some forgotten little backwater ice planet. I got blamed for everything, kicked out of the academy, and banned from the science community for life. Serves me right I suppose for being so reckless…"

"Starscream!" Perceptor seemed shocked. "Don't blame yourself so entirely. Certainly there was an element of guilt there, but you cannot hold yourself responsible for the death of your comrade based on circumstances beyond your control."

"Pfft." I snorted in response, downing another gulp of high grade and staring blankly at the half empty cube. "I can do what I like. It's been nearly a millennia. It's not like the science community is ever going to welcome me back with wide-open arms after everything I've done."

Perceptor frowned, but didn't refute my words. Instead, he sipped a small vial of high grade he'd poured himself, obviously not planning on getting sloshed like I was clearly doing. "No matter how great your sins, as long as you try to atone for them and make things right, I think that's what matters… taking up science again, wouldn't that make him happy?" I didn't respond, but my grip on the cube tightened slightly. "Then why not endeavor towards that goal, to honor the memory of a friend, instead of the loss of a comrade. There is nothing you can do to change the past, but you can always influence your future."

I didn't respond.

"It's your life… and looking towards the future is such a bright concept, that I would embrace it if I were you, Starscream."

I just took another long sip of high grade.

It fuzzed my brain so I didn't have to think.


	12. Chapter 12: Duties

**My Madness, My Saving Sanity**

_**Chapter Twelve: Duties**_

_By: Nightelfcrawler_

_Author's note: While this is G1 based, I've made Starscream a blend of his G1 and Armada personalities just because I find the dichotomy of it fascinating. It takes place in no particular timeline, following no particular events. Also, please review politely. If you haven't something nice to say, keep it to yourself please._

* * *

I had thought I'd seen and heard just about everything in my life.

Obviously I was wrong.

"No." I snapped irritably, slapping the gun down from Sideswipe's aim forcing him to fire haphazardly at the ground, to much cursing from his brother. "You're aiming at the wrong place, moron."

"What?!" Furious azure optics met my own blue gaze as we held the silent battle of command. In any other situation, Sideswipe might have won without much contest, but in front of all the other Autobot gunners gathered before my instructing class, he knew he couldn't challenge me like he wished he could. "It always worked before!"

"On whom exactly?" I snapped. "I seem to recall you didn't score very many disabling hits while your opponents are airborne. Up there, we are superior to you. It's time you remembered that." I glared meaningfully at Sunstreaker, whose murderous gaze turned even more mutinous. "You are battling the aerial elite, something that YOU sadly are lacking in your forces." I smirked as their glowers darkened. To the side, Bluestreak, Bumblebee, Ironhide, Jazz, Prowl and a few others I had seen here and there watched with reserved gazes. "THINK about where you're aiming, idiot." I grabbed the gun from Sideswipe's limp astonished fingers, spun and fired. Thundercracker let out a howl of pain as my blast caught him right up the afterburner, and his trajectory sputtered with thick smoke trailing after him as he spun trying to regain his control.

"FRAGGIT STARSCREAM!" The bellow rang in my head as well as the sky as I winced, rubbing my audio receptor in irritation, handing the gun back to the startled Sideswipe who obviously hadn't expected me to harm my own brother.

"You must be completely willing to hurt your friends in practice before you can even think of harming your enemies." I said coldly. "This is not just target practice, this is survival. You versus them. Your best bet is not to simply hit them, but to disable them permanently." I ignored the shocked optics of the Autobots gathered for my instruction, and turned to point at my thruster imbedded in my foot. "Wings or Thrusters. Either point is the most vulnerable place you can score a hit. Wings however are reinforced with thick sturdy armor." I rapped a knuckle on my own wing, then with one smooth motion detached it from my back and held the blade out without charging it. "Wings are filled with critical sensors that allow fliers to sense the environment, wind changes, pressure… and while incredibly sensitive, they also are one of the most reinforced parts of any fliers body. You're going to have to score a hard close hit to do ANY damage worth considering. Long-range, your best option is to aim right up their engines. If one goes out they can stay airborne, but it throws their equilibrium off enough that you can score a second hit, possibly more depending how stupid they are."

"And what about helicopters?" Bluestreak was the one to ask.

I glanced at him, nodding appraisingly. Ironhide, Sunstreaker, Sideswipe, Jazz and Bumblebee all seemed shocked at my brutality in this lesson, and my tactics, but the sharpshooter was all ears. He knew the importance of scoring the RIGHT hit, not MANY hits, like that frag-head Ironhide. "That is an excellent question. Helicopters are obviously reliant on their rotors to keep them airborne, not engines or wings. They do have stabilizing rotors you can aim for which are actually quite frail. Take that out their balance is thrown. Like fliers, the helicopter has reinforced armor on their main rotors to prevent haphazard damage. Instead, aim for the base where the blades connect to the fuselage. That is their weakest point as the spinning blades need more friction to spin which means less armor."

There was silence as they took this in. Behind me Thundercracker touched down and glared daggers as he limped in my direction. "Did you HAVE to shoot up my thruster?! Frag it….. that HURTS… a LOT."

I glanced over my shoulder and noted the black scorch marks that dotted his right foot as he stomped over towards me, and smiled kindly at my brother. "Come now, you've had worse, TC."

By now, the Autobots were beginning to get used to having three ex-Decepticons on base. They were even used to our harsh treatment of each other, and the others, and had come to adjust their own assumptions and treatment of us to compensate. It didn't mean they liked us any more, in fact now that I had equal status with Prowl and Jazz they were decidedly irritated by any orders I gave. Optimus had to remind the ones who talked back that they would visit the brig if they disrespected one of his officers like that again. It was actually quite fun. Since then I had merely had to endure angry stares, but less rebellious back-talking.

Except for my wing-mates of course.

All this changed, however, when the humans arrived on the base.

I'd known they were coming, after all Optimus had briefed us all on their arrival more than was really necessary. I had impatiently agreed NOT to squish or scare any of them more than was necessary, as long as they didn't pester me unnecessarily.

That was the key wasn't it…

The day that the dignitaries were arriving we all had to be on our best behavior. This also meant that we had to look our best. This was not a problem for our trine, a word I had uncovered with some research and one that fit our troublesome trio well. The mechs who didn't like baths, namely Ironhide, had put up with having themselves sudsed down and waxed, while the three of us had taken care of that chore ourselves, not trusting the Autobots to get every scratch and dent out of our wings. Nonetheless, when I strode into the hangar bay and surveyed the troops, I was impressed. Everyone was smartly at attention, every one of them polished and without the usual dust and grime that clung to their chassis in this unbearable desert. I turned to my other sub-commanders and studied them as they studied me, optics sliding to stare at the new insignia on my wings.

I was rather proud of the design, actually.

Despite Optimus' continued nagging asking me to put their emblem on, I had adamantly refused and instead collaborated with my wing mates to come up with our own insignia. We had tried many variations, but in the end it was the most simplistic and ancient of emblem we had chosen. Two parallel lines in red paint with a vertical slash down the center, symbolizing a crude jet. It was the ancient symbol of our ruined city, the Seeker's home. We were quite satisfied with the symbol, and Optimus had no complaints at our choice to remove the Decepticon insignia from our wings. We stood proud as a united team, individual from the Autobots, our own statement to be made. Perhaps it was my own vanity, but I believed we three looked the best out of the group.

I idly stroked the protrusion on my chin that Skywarp had ultimately laughed his aft off about, claiming I resembled a super-villain stroking a goatee. I had punched him for that, but it hadn't stopped him from snickering every time I did it. My hand fell unconsciously at my side as I set my jaw irritably at the idea. Frag-head.

"Men." Optimus' voice rang out strong and regal from the end of the hangar as we all turned to stare at him, fully at attention. "Remember, we are representing not only what we Autobots stand for today, but what we can provide the governments of this world in the way of defense and protection, as representatives of Cybertron. Since we are staying here indefinitely, we must present ourselves with dignity to the leaders of the world. They are here to see what we have to offer, a move that can make allies or enemies. I remind you all to be on your best behavior, be polite and respectful." His eyes lingered especially on the shiny red and gold mechs standing less at attention in the middle of the group for a moment before continuing. "We will speak with them and answer questions, give demonstrations of our prowess, and explain our history and culture to them. If you do not feel comfortable or do not know the answer to questions refer them to your superior officers." This time, a few optics lingered curiously on me, wondering if I would be up to the task of talking to humans.

I winced. I was SO not looking forward to this.

Nonetheless, it was inevitable. In every group there was the 'black tie event' so to speak. This was it.

Humans. Ugh. I was going to have to scrub vigorously afterwards to rid myself of their bio-contaminants.

Most of the mechs remained inside to wait for the dignitaries to arrive, but Optimus summoned myself, Prowl and Jazz outside to stand as welcoming committee. I felt glares on my back as I stepped out into the bright sunshine, the light dazzling on my white and red painted form. I didn't look forward to this, trying to be POLITE. I was a scientist, a warrior and a pain in the aft, NOT a politician.

Maybe Megatron had been right after all. I WASN'T fit to lead the Decepticons. Politics SO was not my thing.

The outside of the Autobot base had been spruced up a bit with banners imbued with the Autobot seal fluttering in the light breeze. The pavement was swept and neat, and as we stood at the entrance waiting for their arrival I noted that even the exterior had been polished.

I wondered who'd pulled the short stick to be placed on THAT duty.

My optics slid calmly to the horizon as I spotted dust moving. So they were coming. I quickly did a scan of the skies out of habit, but found nothing alarming to worry about. There WERE some F-22's patrolling, but they were simple human jets, nothing to be concerned with. Idly I wondered just HOW much these world leaders had been told.

It soon became apparent. The caravan of vehicles pulled up to the edge of the base and stopped just out of immediate sight, allowing those within to unload and glance around at what appeared to be a mere bunker in nowhere in the middle of the desert. It was strange for humans, I supposed. A bunker lowered in the sand to avoid detection from above, visible only to those who knew where to look until you got too close. I was also doubly surprised when I overheard some of the conversation trickle down from above the ramp where the cars had parked.

"Wow… for a top-secret military base you sure didn't pull out all the stops here."

"I assure you, looks can be deceiving. There is more here than meets the eye, sir."

"I'll believe that when I see it."

"Mister President, so nice to see you again."

"Likewise Doctor Forrester."

Disgust filled my head. I thought this was a conference of world leaders, not a freak show for civilians. My disgust must have showed, because Jazz elbowed me and whispered. "Stop lookin' like ya sucked on cold slag. You'll scare 'em off, Screamer."

"DON'T call me that!" I hissed venomously, infuriated that my trine's nickname had now spread to the others. I would kill them for this later… I felt them both snickering at me through our link. Fraggit…!

"At attention, men." Optimus rumbled quietly.

We obligingly fell silent again, waiting. Before long I heard a voice that sounded vaguely familiar. I think I had heard it once or twice on Teletran's external communications system, likely one of the Autobot's contacts. "Now everyone… Listen up. I know we've brought you here without much explanation, and now I'd like to give you a bit more to go on. We've invited all our allies to this conference, as well as the leading scientists in each new field of development for this very important meeting. What you are about to see of course is highly classified to only those in your top circle for the moment until we all decide a better course of action. Now…" There was a hesitation in the voice of the one I took to be the General, and I smirked at the concept that he had to be wrapping his fleshie brain around. How to explain extra-terrestrial mechanical aliens to a bunch of politicians and scientists both of which were trained to question the truth of what they saw and heard.

This was going to be interesting.

"I would like you all to suspend what you know to be real in our little planet here… and embrace the idea of the unknown for a moment. We've told you that you are to meet with representatives of future allies, but you have not been told just whom your are meeting." There was a long pause. "I suppose the only way to truly explain it, is for me to introduce them. Therefore ladies and gentlemen, I would like to present the distinguished Optimus Prime and his officers, representatives of the Autobots, citizens of Cybertron." The words HAD to sound amusingly outlandish to the gathered humans, I thought. I had done much research into their scientific beliefs and their science fiction realm, and found that what they believed and what they FANTASIZED about were two entirely different things. Humans were incredibly imaginative when it came to creating fiction, yet they were very narrow-minded when it came down to putting that fiction into reality. Hundreds of 'first encounters' had been documented in films, television programs and books and there were pathetically few of these encounters that included ANYTHING like US in them.

I did my best to hide my smirk as Optimus stepped forward, our cue for introductions. Together we stepped out of the shadowed base entrance and up into the sunlight, and into full view of the assembled humans.

To say they were startled was quite the understatement. In truth, the expressions on their faces were QUITE amusing. There were several humans that appeared to be intending to catch flies with their mouths. As Optimus stopped to tower directly over them, all heads craned up, eyes wide and mouths agape. More than a few eyed me, as I was the more intimidating of the three sub-commanders with my bristling weaponry displayed proudly on my shoulders and arms, newly attached Null-Rays shining with deadly intent. Prowl and Jazz looked mild compared to my glory. Of course… Optimus ALWAYS took center stage simply due to his massive height and overwhelming presence. Still, I was satisfied to see most of the military types eyeing me impressively. My optics roamed the stunned faces and then paused as I made a visual connection with the only person other than the General who was not gawking in shock or horror, but staring up with clear interest. For a human, she wasn't unattractive. She was slim and tall wearing a corporate outfit expected of such events sporting those ridiculous platforms human femmes preferred. But it was her eyes that caught my attention. Sparkling green eyes stared curiously up at me from behind fragile thin ocular corrections, interested and unafraid. I stared back at her challengingly, curious as to what she found so fascinating about ME.

"Thank you General O'Neil." Optimus rumbled quietly, in an effort not to startle our visitors. Nonetheless, several of the dignitaries jumped. "Ladies and Gentlemen, it is a pleasure to welcome you to our base. May I introduce my commanding officers." He turned slightly to gesture to the three of us in turn. "Prowl, my second-in-command and Tactician, our Enforcement Officer." I resisted the urge to snort. Translation: Cop, through and through. "My Reconnaissance Officer and Field Commander, Jazz." Translation: Goof-off so I send him away from the base to cause trouble. "And our resident scientist and Aerial Commander, Starscream who represents our independent squad of fliers." Oh so I was the resident scientist now? I saw several curious gazes draw immediately to me and my spark sank. Primus… He'd set me up to talk with the HUMAN scientists? Oh I was going to strangle him!

_At least he was thoughtful not to include us as Autobots…_

I fought the urge to sigh. _Thank you peanut gallery._

_Anytime!_

"I am certain you have many questions at the moment, so allow me to in brief tell you something about ourselves." Optimus then proceeded to give the delegates a break-down of Cybertronian origin and history, and how we'd come to arrive at their annoyingly organic planet. It didn't take long, as he was conscious it was quite warm outside, thus uncomfortable for the fleshies. Perspiration was growing on their exteriors, which made me all the more eager to retreat back into the shadows. Ugh… biological excrement…

The group was fairly calm and showed great interest as their shock wore off and after the brief introduction Optimus invited them to follow him down into the base for introductions with the remainder of his forces. The humans followed in some bewilderment as we three sub-commanders stood aside waiting for them to enter before bringing up the rear. I noticed more than one human glancing nervously over their shoulders. As we walked, several of them engaged us in questions. I was one of the unlucky ones to have the first addressed to me. "Mister…Starscream was it?" It was one of the world leaders who spoke with an accent that immediately drew images of a certain Triplechanger to mind. "I must ask why it is you display such obvious weaponry where your comrades do not?"

I glanced down at the man with a scathing glare. "I am a warrior." I stated coolly. "My weapons are a part of me and I will not be separated from them, even for such an… insignificant threat." I said silkily, telling him just what I thought of him. The man colored red and quickly sped up to join the other diplomats. I smirked.

"That was quite rude you know."

My optics shifted down to find the human femme staring up at me, arms crossed disapprovingly. I scoffed a bit and smirked at her. "Was it? I didn't notice."

She lifted an eyebrow. "You're not a people person, are you?"

"If you refer to small human organics, no." I said dryly. "I honestly can say I have never MET one before."

"So you big robots don't have manners?"

I frowned and stared critically down at her. Unlike the others, she didn't seem one bit distracted by the strangeness of the aliens around her. Of course for all I knew she was one of those who'd known about us previously like the General or the President, which would explain it. "I'm sorry." I said dryly, sarcasm dripping from my voice. "I'll TRY to be more polite."

She just lifted an eyebrow up at me. "Somehow I doubt that."

"I would retort with an appropriate human phrase, but I am rather lacking in that department." I said dryly. "My closest approximation would be 'so slag me'."

"I get the picture." She said dryly, though I noticed her lips were pulled up with a small smile.

The party continued down into the main hanger bay where the rest of the Autobots were gathered. From there the formal introductions took up some of their time, and then at last the stiffness of ceremony was broken as the diplomats began to break up to speak with various individuals that they found worthy of conversing with. Optimus offered to give tours, and the military personnel split off with the likes of Ironhide and Prowl. Soon the room was mostly empty and I relaxed a bit from the stiffness of formality to rub my shoulder. I was getting stiff joints from holding at attention for so long.

A soft voice clearing it's throat drew my attention. Instantly my optics slid down to stare incredulously at my feet where the human woman was standing. "You." I said rather warily.

"Me." She stated calmly, folding her arms over her chest with a mild smile. "I don't think we were properly introduced. I'm Alexis Forrester, Environmental Science Advisor to the President."

"How charming." I said dryly, eyeing her. "You keep the little pointless plants safe, then?"

To my surprise, she laughed. "Something like that. Environmental means I'm responsible for anything that impacts the environment, from plants to Plants." At my frown of confusion she clarified. "Nuclear plants, biological plants, jet engines…" She eyed mine with a lift of her eyebrows. "I investigate the impact that any of that will have on our ecosystem."

"How…interesting." I said trying my hardest not to stomp right out of there. WHY had this pesky human lingered to speak to me?

I soon found out.

"So you're the science geek then?"

My optic ridge twitched. I HATED that term. It was one of those human nuances Skywarp loved. "I prefer Academic Professional."

"Nice one. I should remember that." She murmured. "Well then, could you show me anything of interest you're working on? I'd love to know what kind of projects an alien scientists studies."

Really? How interesting.

_Awwww… Starscream's found a…_

_Skywarp, if you even DARE to finish that sentence, I will rip your wings from your chassis and mount them on my wall._

_Shutting up!_

I stifled the sigh that threatened to expunge from my exhaust vents and instead squinted down at the small human femme. She was very sure of herself, confidant in a way that reminded me quite a bit of myself. Perhaps she wasn't as annoying as I thought at first. "Would you be able to comprehend space bridge technology?" I queried warily.

"Explain the principles to me."

Very well. She did ask for it.

Imagine my surprise when she DID understand it.

"So by crossing the gateway between dimensions you are able to transport matter nearly instantaneously across great distances. That is an absolutely fascinating concept. Does it work?"

"Yes." I said, comfortably seated on one of my stools within the lab, the human sitting on the shelf housing all my neatly stacked data pads and paperwork, watching me intently with her bright green eyes. She was incredibly attentive, and far more intelligent than I had given her credit for. "However we don't have the energy output needed to power a full gate, I've only built a short-term prototype."

"May I see it?"

"Here." I gestured to the side and stood as she walked the length of the table to get a closer look at the contraption on the display nearby. "As you can see, it's a short-distance version and only a tenth of the size we would need." I eyed her curiously. "It might work for a human."

"Thank you, but I'm not ready to become your guinea pig just yet." Alexis said wryly, smiling up at me with a dry smile that again reminded me of myself. "I'll settle for a demonstration though."

I smirked. I had been dying to show off that this miniature space bridge worked for weeks now. Perceptor and Wheeljack had been ecstatic at the success, and so we'd worked on building the gate on the base. However, due to our lack of ability to construct another gate on Cybertron the thing would sit unused until we could get back there. Nonetheless, something I had built WORKED, and hadn't been blown up by the crazy inventor yet. I flipped it on as the small bridge hummed loudly with power routed directly from the Ark's generator as the small circle crackled to life with blue light. I glanced around for something to demonstrate with and found one of my less important data pads and held it up to show her, then tossed it through the glowing warp field. Almost instantly it popped out across the room in the adjacent ring. I flipped the small warp gate off and walked over to retrieve the data pad, showing it to her as it was fully functional and undamaged.

"I'm impressed." Alexis said, genuinely sounding so. "This could be a huge boon for all of mankind, actually. Goodbye traffic jams, hello Star Trek."

"Star Trek?" I queried, then did a quick check online to find out the reference. What I found baffled me until I uncovered the reference. "You refer to … transportation."

"Yeah, sorry. Forgot you're not from around here." She smirked. "Anyway, what kind of energy input powers the small version?"

"Too much to make it efficient for your mental deductions." I warned, sitting back down on the stool. "The equivalent of Five of your nuclear power facility's output for an entire month."

"Yikes." She muttered. "Ok, some improvements must be made to go forward with that. Got it." She peered up at me curiously. "What kind of fuel powers all of you, anyway?"

"Energon." I stated simply. "It's not a method you humans have come close to replicating yet. And to answer your question, yes it's a clean energy source." I smirked at her eyebrow lift. "We have perfected such techniques to be as pollutant free as possible. Having pollutants in our systems is just as toxic as yours, I imagine. All Energon burning sources burn clean."

"Again, impressive. We could learn a thing or two from you guys." Her eyes studied me critically. "So that includes your own fuel expenditure? You're an F-15 Eagle, am I right?"

I blinked. As far as I knew, none of the diplomats had been given a chance to see our transformations yet. "That is correct." I said slowly, wondering how she could detect something so precise in my bipedal form.

"I've worked at a lot of military bases." She said in way of explanation. "You learn to spot the differences in aircraft. I've been wondering what kind you favor, but the fins give you away."

My optics roamed down to the twin fins on my legs. Since I had taken my new build, I had decided to keep my Earth alt-form as I was familiar with it, and I knew no other earth aircraft of my mass that was comparable in performance. I'd heard there were some new models available, but had not ventured close enough to a human air base to scan one. Nonetheless, this human seemed to be unusually attentive for her kind. I would not have expected her to know the make and model of my alternate form. "The design is different from my fellows, but still acceptable to my needs."

"Well I would be interested in seeing how exactly you change." Alexis said with a lift of her slim eyebrows. "I must say, there's more than enough just on your people to keep me busy for my entire career."

"Funny… I knew someone who said nearly the same thing about organic species." I murmured with a small smirk. Yes… Skyfire would have loved this girl. She wasn't half bad, for a human.

Our discussion of space bridge mechanics did not last as long as we'd both wished, as soon we were summoned back outside for the demonstrations we were scheduled to do for the guests. It was nothing special, considering we had been practicing well up to this point in order to show our best sides, our prowess. I still believed my own trine performed the best out of them all, and when it was finally done I felt a sense of pride swelling within me at the applause given.

Overall, it hadn't been that bad of a day as I'd feared.

And I did hope to pick Alexis Forrester's brain again sometime in the future.


	13. Chapter 13: Friends

**My Madness, My Saving Sanity**

_**Chapter Thirteen: Friends  
**_

_By: Nightelfcrawler_

_Author's note: While this is G1 based, I've made Starscream a blend of his G1 and Armada personalities just because I find the dichotomy of it fascinating. It takes place in no particular timeline, following no particular events. Also, please review politely. If you haven't something nice to say, keep it to yourself please._

* * *

"Tell me again, WHY are we out here?" Skywarp's complaint rang in my audio receptors despite the chilly wind that threatened to tear his voice away. "This is the most dismal exploration mission we've ever been on… and you volunteered for it."

I said nothing, trying my best not to rise to his antagonizing words. I needn't explain my methods to them, as irritating as they could be. We were currently cruising at a high altitude over the wide empty expanse of the southern polar region. Optimus had said there were substantial deposits of energy and fuel here, and we had been asked to scout it and find out if this was true or not. I had volunteered our team because we were the most logical choice, being fliers.

I had another reason for doing it.

The past few weeks had been rather… uncomfortable. Skywarp and Thundercracker seemed to get the worst of it, mostly because I found time to spend with Perceptor and Wheeljack in their respective labs, leaving them to fend for themselves. They were understandably restless and bitter, which is why I had thought this excursion would do them, and myself, a bit of good. But scanning ice covered land was not their idea of fun. Had they known the true reason I wanted to come here, they might have laughed at me.

There were few places in the universe that could sustain life, even fewer than had ice on them… I had run scans, comparisons until I had finally come up with only one that could possibly have met my memories. I was not overly hopeful that I would find what I wanted here, but the idea still tugged at me. I had to CHECK at least. If nothing else, I could think of a plan should I ever encounter another ice planet where HE might have been hidden.

As we soared over the frigid Antarctic, I had to send a burst of heat to keep my thrusters from stalling. Primus… cold weather was horribly inconvenient for machines. Even humans avoided this area. There hadn't been a life sign of anything for miles now, only rugged mountains and endless, endless ice.

I sighed. "You're right. There's nothing out here. I'm not sure what Prime was thinking believing there to be energon stored out here."

"Well he never SAID it was energon, just energy, fuel sources. I did notice a bunch of oil depositories near those mountains." Thundercracker brought up, tilting his wings a bit to aim in that direction.

We both followed his lead, soaring closer towards the mountains, glad of anything to break up the doldrums of white surrounding us. "I don't see anything…" I muttered, scanning the mountains ahead of our arrival to find them bare.

"I'm sure I saw something… maybe at the southern end." Thundercracker dipped lower, soaring over the peaks of the jagged earth beneath us. We scattered to get a better layout and I soared over an open crevasse that snaked through the ice shelf like a chasm.

It was then that I got something on my scanner.

I paused, slowing my engines to scan the blip again. Not oil or energon, but something irregular that was definitely not ice or rock. I studied the blip, soaring in lower to catch a closer look.

Metal. It was definitely metal.

My spark surged with an undefined feeling. Impossible. Not here… not this whole time. It couldn't be!

I soared down to the icy cliff face and transformed, landing perched like a raptor on the side of the wall, staring down into the depths of the crevasse. The only reason I had detected it was because of this crack in the ground. Thick ice that hid signals normally was shallow by the slice in the shelf. I could read it stronger now that I was nearer. Somewhere halfway down, the reading was coming clearly from the middle of the ice.

Impossible, right?

My spark fluttered wildly again in it's chamber, this time drawing attention from my wing mates who were still off scouting around the mountain range.

_Screamer? What's up? You seem nervous._

_Yeah… find something interesting?_

I remained silent, not answering their calls at first. I had to find out… Before I did anything else, I had to find out. If I told them my suspicions then they would get overly excited. I reined my emotions tightly in. _Perhaps. I'm going to check something out. Keep looking._

_Kay. Be careful._

_I always am._

_Not._

_Shut up._

I ignited my thrusters and carefully began to descend into the massive crevasse. It was dark the further down I descended, but my optics were calibrated for dim light well enough that I could see where I was going. Slowly I approached the signal, scanning the wall with intense optics. Nothing… I could see nothing…. My spark stuttered a bit again, seeming to unclench. I was being foolish. Of course it was nothing.

Suddenly I froze hovering in place as my optics locked on something definitely not the same blue color as the ice around it.

Red. A flash of red.

My spark seized up.

No… Not here.

_Screamer?_ I didn't pay the least big of attention at Thundercracker's concerned voice breaking through the silence of my thoughts. Instead, I began to scan the flash of red, holding my vents as anxiety coursed through me, and subsequently through the link.

A shape took form through my scans… a familiar shape. My vents hissed loudly sending cold air spinning around me as my head spun. I double-checked the scan, then triple checked it. My thrusters sputtered and I was forced to slam my fist into the side of the ice to keep from falling. This enabled me to peer through the transparent surface, staring directly into the milky depths of blue…

Primus… I had to be dreaming.

"Screamer?" A voice broke my reverie from above as two loud thumps in the ice jarred a little free to fall down and pelt me in the head. "You ok? You're acting really weird."

I lifted my head skywards, my blue optics dull and empty for a moment as I tried to comprehend what they were saying. My mind was spinning, wildly dancing around me free of it's restraints. I could barely think straight. My whole world seemed to be collapsing. The only thing keeping me stable was my fist embedded into the ice wall. Above me, Thundercracker and Skywarp were both leaning over the crevasse on opposite sides, staring down at me with concerned crimson optics.

Something within me snapped.

"Get down here now, you idiots." I spat out sharply, my voice sounding slightly higher than it normally was. "Help me."

They exchanged glances before igniting their thrusters and sliding down the ice wall to hover on either side of me. "What, you find some fuel?"

"Not exactly." I said quietly, turning my head to stare at the shadowed figure.

Both of them shifted their optics to stare at the object of my attention, both frowning and obviously not seeing what I was seeing. "I don't get it." Skywarp said slowly. "What's so great about some rocks?"

"You idiot!" I snapped sharply, my fist connecting with his head in a reverberating clank. "SCAN it!"

I only had to wait a moment before both their optics widened. "Holy slag on a stick, Starscream!"

"Is that what I think it is?"

"Yes. Now, weapons on wide beams. If we blast enough ice out of the way we can use our thrusters to melt the rest."

"You sure that's a good idea?"

"SHUT UP AND DO IT!"

I didn't even pay attention how much time passed by as we worked. I knew it was a significant amount of time, as the sun lowered in the horizon but did not vanish in this summer period. All I knew was when finally we had carved out a hole in the side of the cliff and crawled within the small cave, I knew without a doubt what exactly we had found.

There was no doubt. It was HIM.

It was Skyfire.

Staring down at the wide white wings that I knew so well, I felt a stab of anger and pain. I had long since thought he was dead… granted to find he was not was an incredible weight on my spark suddenly lifted. I felt weightless, giddy, excited staring down at the blank dormant face still and silent at my knees. Our thrusters were smoking still, as we had pushed them to the brink of overheating. Skywarp and Thundercracker sat near the entrance letting their feet cool with moisture steaming off the still molten thrusters. I ignored mine, which had cooled faster as I had been keeping them flat against the ice where I stood staring down at my offline friend.

He looked exactly the same as when he had crashed.

Of COURSE he did… I ran a hand against my facial plates feeling a sudden dismal oppression set down on my shoulders. I began to pace. He would not have changed… but I had obviously changed greatly, in more ways than one. What would he think of me when he woke? What would he do? I continued to pace furiously waiting as his frigid body slowly began to lift it's temperature to a more reasonable rate. As of yet I'd detected no cerebral activity from his core processor. He was still in terminal stasis lock.

Would he snap out of it?

Panic began to rise within me as I stopped my frantic pacing to stare down at the frozen mech. Instantly I knelt down next to him and began to pry the catches of his helmet up. I would NOT let this happen. Not after finding him, not after having come this far… I felt some odd sense of disquiet within me at the realization that if I could not prove myself to him, if I could not show him where I've come, then everything was worthless. I steeled myself and carefully slid his plating aside to stare at the processor. There was some ice crystallization inside. No wonder his CPU was shut down, any bit of condensation would prevent it from initializing until it was dry. I immediately set to work.

I wasn't sure how long I worked. All I knew was that when I was finally finished, I felt satisfied that I had done everything I could. Unable to keep functioning any longer, I slid back against the ice wall and allowed myself to offline. But my processor did not shut down fully until I was deep in recharge.

I wasn't sure how long it was until I awoke… but when I finally on-lined my optics I realized I was no longer alone. He hadn't moved, but as my optics adjusted to the dim cave, I saw twin blue lights dimly glowing from the silent mech's face.

My spark surged as I scrambled to my feet and knelt over him, staring down into his face.

Skyfire's expression was blank, but his optics flickered as my face came into his field of vision.

He was awake.

A sudden feeling of uncertainty flashed over my processor, but I pushed it aside to place my hand lightly on his cold shoulder vents, peering down worriedly. "Skyfire?" I asked slowly, my voice unusually quiet.

His pale blue optics flickered and then focused up on me with a blank expression. There was no recognition there. For a moment I felt panic slid through me. He didn't know who I was…!

Oh.. right… I had re-designed myself. I didn't even look like me anymore.

This might be good… I could test out to see how he felt about my betrayal… my abandonment.

"…where…" Came the faint reply from a disused vocal processor that had been silent for a million years. It was rusty and crackling with static, but it's familiarity clutched at me like a lifeline. "….where am I…?"

"You're safe." I said quietly, tightening my grip on his shoulder. "Do you remember what happened?"

His optics flickered again as he accessed memories that to him had only happened a short time ago, yet the reaction time was ages for me as I warily watched his face for a reaction. "…I crashed." He said softly. "…shut down… sealed in ice…"

"Yes." I said, feeling my spark flutter wildly. "We found you… we melted the ice and freed you."

He on-lined his optics again and shifted them to look up at me, a faint smile flickering over his face. "I suppose I should thank you then."

I smirked in return, feeling a flash of hope slide through me. He sounded just like his old self. "How are you feeling?"

"Cold." He said with a small sigh. "Everything is stiff."

"Being frozen for a million years will do that." I muttered, reaching down to help him sit up and lean against the wall. He moved slowly but the ice that had locked his joints in place began to crack and fall out, melting as his body heated up with his own energy. "How low are you?" was my sudden thought.

"35 percent." He said automatically. "Enough to recharge a bit. Once things get cycling it'll be better for me."

"There doesn't seem to be any massive damage to your structure." I said leaning back to appraise his armor. "Your right wing is a bit bashed in, but nothing that would render you grounded. You should be able to fly with it."

"You seem to know a lot about my physiology." He muttered squinting up at me. "I don't recognize your model… You look like a Seeker variety, but there are some alterations I'm not familiar with."

"I am a Seeker." I said, feeling an uncharacteristic flutter of nervousness. "I've had some damage to my original structure that prompted a re-design. Also…" I hesitated unsure how much I should unload on him all at once. "…you are not on Cybertron, far from it. There is an armada of troops here that have taken the local disguises enabling us to blend in with the natives."

"Ah, that makes sense." Skyfire mused before blinking. "Wait.. natives? There were no indigenous life forms when my partner and I scanned this surface…" He trailed off, a frown on his brow as I realized that he'd suddenly remembered the incident leading up to his icy imprisonment. "…How… long exactly has it been you said?"

"Over a million years." I said quietly. "And there is much that has changed in the time since you went into stasis lock."

Skyfire lifted his optics, studying me warily. "Why do I get the feeling I am not about to enjoy what you are telling me, friend?"

I sighed. "It is not the best circumstances, I will admit." I frowned deeply, crossing my arms as I glanced sharply to the side hearing twin thrusters from outside. "Unfortunately that may have to wait. My wing mates have returned."

His head turned as mine did in time to see Thundercracker and Skywarp land one after another, chatting with each other as they did. "I don't care what you saw, there's nothing alive down here other than us, 'Warp."

"I swore I saw SOMETHING moving! I wasn't imagining things. I'm tellin' you.. oh…" He paused as they both turned their heads to see the two of us watching them. "Oh, look he's awake!" Skywarp grinned widely and pushed his way past Thundercracker.

Skyfire blinked at the two of them, a slight expression of confusion passing over his face. I instinctively knew what he was thinking. He saw twin models to his partner. Thundercracker glanced at me with a lift of his optic ridge. _You guys need some time still? Want me to drag Mr. Enthusiastic's aft back out?_

_If you please._

_No problem._ Thundercracker turned and grabbed his brother's arm. "C'mon Warp. Let's let them reunite a bit, shall we."

"What?! But after all this time he's blabbed all about him, now we're supposed to just bug out!?"

"I said, come ON." Thundercracker said sharply, shoving his wing mate out the entrance and giving me a long-suffering look of his optics before igniting his thrusters and vanishing from sight.

This left an awkward silence in his wake._ I hate you… _I sent bitterly to the departing blue seeker.

_Hey, someone had to break the ice to him, pun intended. Now you don't have to._

I turned my optics back to Skyfire who was staring at me with a puzzled expression. Frozen processors or not, he was intelligent enough to pick up on the 'slip' Thundercraker had let loose. I sighed and slid down into a sitting position across from him, picking ice idly from my right thruster.

"Re-united…" Skyfire said quietly. "That would lead me to believe we had met before." I lifted my optics to stare back at him evenly. "I did not catch your name…"

"You know my name, Skyfire." I said sighing and flicking a shard of ice right into his face. "You soft-hearted slaggin' moron."

His optics promptly widened in shock. "…Starscream?"

"None other." I smirked back at him, leaning back comfortably against the wall. "I did promise I'd save your aft, if you recall."

"I barely recognize you." He murmured, unable to tear his optics away from my new build. "But… I can see you still there beneath the armor."

"I told you, much has changed."

"You have obviously."

"More than you know." I slid my optics away, feeling a stab of guilt flood my processor.

There was silence for a long moment, before he spoke up again. "It's still good to see you, my friend."

I didn't reply, staring absently down at my right thruster, as if it might distract my attention. However, my cowardice had been destroyed with my old body, and my wing-mates were tuning me out so I could drop my barriers. "…you don't blame me for what happened then?" I asked quietly.

"Blame you?" Skyfire blinked at me, a puzzled expression crossing his facial plates. "Well you were being an idiot. But I'm awake now aren't I?"

I frowned at him sharply, anger flashing to my optics. "That's it? You don't have anything else to say?!"

"What more can I say, Star?" He asked slowly, eying me warily. "To me, this all happened shortly ago. For you however… I can understand why it would mean a great deal more."

"Damn right it did!" I hissed, my optics flaring as I leaned forward to stare intently at him. "Do you even KNOW how much losing you affected me!? What HAPPENED after I lost you?!"

"No, Starscream." He said patiently. "But I would like to know, if you can calm down enough." He eyed me calmly, with that ever-patient attitude that I often was so infuriated by. Unlike me, he seemed to be able to remain calm under any situation. I was easily sparked into emotion. I leaned back feeling some of my anger die down. He wouldn't understand… the rage, the guilt, the anger at myself… it was something that would shock him. He never had understood my tantrums, and would think my reaction was just due to being foolish again. But that wasn't it. I let me face fall into my hand, hot air venting from my intakes with frustration. I couldn't possibly voice my words without sounding pathetic. To my surprise, he moved forward and placed a hand on my shoulder. I lifted my optics to stare at him. "Starscream… whatever happened I am sure you can relate to me in time. For the moment, I am simply relieved to have found you safe… and to be awake once more. Why don't we leave it at that?"

I winced. "I can't." I said darkly. "You don't understand how difficult it is seeing you here again. I have lived my entire life thinking it was my fault you died. Your life was my responsibility, and I abandoned that and left you here to rot."

"I'm sure there was a reason for it."

I winced. Of course there was. I hadn't been able to convince the rescue party to return after they had dug me out half-frozen from the ice myself. That didn't help ease the pain any less. "You're too damn forgiving, you realize."

He smiled quietly. "And you are too stubborn, my friend."

I sighed and finally permitted myself a smile up at him, grasping his shoulder tightly in my fist as he returned the gesture. "I am glad to have you back…"

"So… I am very curious to find out just why you required such a unique re-design."

I snorted, leaning back. "Would you believe that I got my aft handed to me due to my own stupidity?"

"Yes."

"Frag you."

Skyfire chuckled, and studied my new form. "It fits you nonetheless. It's a bit more aerodynamic, not practical for distance space travel, however."

"My primary function isn't long-distance space travel anymore." I pointed out, gesturing a hand outside to the ice. "We have bases here on this planet, most of us are Earth-bound now."

"So this planet had usable resources? You mentioned natives…"

"Yes… usable in a fashion, not the most efficient but it will have to do considering our lack of reliable energon supplies."

"Why?" Skyfire asked puzzled. "Is Cybertron unable to ship any this distance?"

I winced. I had forgotten just how little he knew about what had happened during his long absence. Primus, he'd gone in even before the war. I glanced down at him with a heavy weight on my shoulders, and then sighed. "Skyfire… we have a long night of storytelling to share."

"I do believe I won't be flying anywhere anytime soon. Please, enlighten me."

I wasn't sure where to begin. How did one explain a million-year war to someone who'd missed it entirely? I rubbed my facial plates with a hand and sighed, squinting over at him. "Well…" I finally said slowly. "Many things changed after you were gone. Do you remember there were some rebellions starting around the Academy that we'd heard about?"

"I recall some vandals spray painting over the Academy emblem…"

"Yes… that was part of it. However those were merely hooligan wannabees with delusions of grandeur." I muttered with a snort. "They were not the true threat…" I trailed off and fell silent, only the distant sound of ice cracking somewhere in the canyon splitting the silence. I lifted my optics at last and fixed him with a stare. "I was expelled from the Academy."

"What?!" Skyfire stiffened in understandable shock. "For what?!"

I sighed and smirked wryly. "My… conduct was not exactly professional… I couldn't focus on my work without you." I admitted quietly. "I don't remember much of it, to be honest, I was usually slagged out of my mind… I don't think I missed it when they finally got fed up and kicked me out."

"Primus, Starscream…" Skyfire said, clearly shocked. "I didn't realize…." He trailed off. "I'm sorry for that… I suppose I should be flattered you thought of me so highly to mourn that much."

I glared sharply at him. "Don't be." I said coolly. "I'm quite ashamed of my behavior during that period." I sighed and my wings slumped a little. "I'm not saying that it would have been different if I'd thought clearly… but it's not my proudest moment." Skyfire said nothing, and I knew he was clearly disquieted at the thought of his close friend drinking himself into a stupor believing he was responsible for his death. "Anyway…" I said quietly. "Someone pulled me out of the gutter and gave me a purpose in life. He saved me from probably off-lining myself."

"That's a relief. I must remember to thank him for that." Skyfire murmered. "Who was it?"

My lips pulled back into a dark sneer. "Megatron."

Understandably, Skyfire didn't react. "Who?"

I sighed, slapping my fist into my forehead. "I keep forgetting how little you know."

"Sorry." He smiled apologetically in that most irritating way I knew.

"Megatron was that which changed Cybertron." I said quietly, focusing my optics on the icy ground. "He took the ancient ideals from the Great Wars before our time and brought them back to life. He challenged the Council's methods and leadership." I paused. "He started a revolution."

Skyfire's attention was fully focused on me now. "And you believed in his cause? Cybertron has been peaceful for eons!"

"I know." I said bitterly, smirking dryly and lifting my optics to stare at him. "But at the time, his ideas of rebelling against authority, changing the world, rising to rule the world with a new regime… let's say it gave me purpose." I leaned back against the ice, shuttering my optics. "I joined him gladly, and forgot you. It worked." Skyfire winced a bit but said nothing. "We became the Decepticons." I said slowly. "We recruited the best warriors… and that's when the War began."

"The War…. Why does that sound so… final."

"Because it's not yet over." I said quietly, opening my optics once more to stare back at him. "It's been going on since shortly after you landed here… and I don't see it ending soon."

"Primus." He whispered. "What has it done to our home?"

"It's torn Cybertron apart." I said bitterly. "Our world is in ruins, there's few civilians left on Cybertron at all which is in Decepticon control."

"Is that good then?" He asked slowly, though I could hear the wariness in his voice. I had just told him that I had joined that faction, and he didn't want to offend me.

I snorted. "Actually, I've left that group now…" I said dryly. "Ironic as it is to think I'd NEVER have thought of telling you that a few years ago… but it's true." I sighed and glanced up at him. "Same with my wing mates. We've joined up with Optimus Prime's little motley bunch of Autobots."

"A Prime?!" Skyfire blinked, obviously impressed.

"Yes." I said wryly. "The most boring Prime I've ever met."

"You've met another?"

"No." I smirked. "It's a long and complicated story… one that has parts I'm…" I hesitated, gulping a bit as the indecision crept into my processor. "…that I'm not ultimately proud of. Nonetheless, I feel I've made the right decision now…" I lifted my optics to stare back at him. "I used to wonder what you'd think of me if you knew what kind of monster I'd become." He opened his mouth to interrupt me, but I shook my head postponing his comment. "…but now I'm rather glad to say at least I'm not ashamed of myself right at this moment. My past, certainly… But… I am trying to atone for it."

Skyfire blinked at me dazedly, understandably confused. However as I'd spoken those words, I felt them ring true in my spark. I WAS proud of what I'd chosen lately. I WAS trying to atone for that which I felt guilty over. I leaned forward, grasping his wrist firmly, my optics eager. "Skyfire… I would like nothing more than to have you fly at my side again. While we fight for a temporary unified cause with the Autobots, I know you're not much of a warrior." He nodded a bit dazed at this revelation of my experiences. "Nonetheless, I want you to join our team… You're not a Seeker, but I hardly think that's any reason to deny you entry to our trine." I smirked.

"As confusing as you can be Starscream, you are first and foremost my friend. You know I'll stick with you."

Suddenly… my life seemed a whole lot brighter.

It was rather amusing when we finally returned home with one more mech than had left.

Out of tradition and perhaps some alarm knowing my traitorous past, more than one Autobot was waiting fully armed at the entrance to the base as the four of us descended and transformed on cue. My wry smirk was quick to greet the wary eyes of Bluestreak, Ironhide and Red Alert. "What a greeting. My my, still don't trust me?"

"Never, Deceptiscum." Ironhide deadpanned. "Not while there's a spark left in my chassis."

I just snorted. "What a surprise."

"So who's your friend?" Red Alert asked slowly, optics roaming upwards to take in the mech who was easily twice our size. "Another Decepticon defector?"

At that, I let a small chuckle escape my vocalizor, and turned to grin up at Skyfire. "They don't seem to think much of you."

The white mech blinked down with some confusion, lightly brushing some dust off his shoulder as if it might distract him long enough to avoid answering. "Do they always treat you with such disrespect, Star? It's rather rude."

That got their attention.

Both Skywarp and Thundercracker burst out laughing behind us as I crossed my arms and smirked widely over at the puzzled Red Alert and Bluestreak, who exchanged wary gazes. Ironhide didn't budge. "Allow me…" I said spreading my arms wide to encompass my companion with a gesture. "…to introduce you to someone you met through proxy a while back… This is Skyfire."

Three pairs of optics blinked. "The REAL one?"

"Yes."

"Damn. He's big."

The peanut gallery laughed harder.


	14. Chapter 14: Fallen

**My Madness, My Saving Sanity**

_**Chapter Fourteen: Fallen **_

_By: Nightelfcrawler_

_Author's note: While this is G1 based, I've made Starscream a blend of his G1 and Armada personalities just because I find the dichotomy of it fascinating. It takes place in no particular timeline, following no particular events. Also, please review politely. If you haven't something nice to say, keep it to yourself please._

* * *

Irony, it seemed knew no boundaries.

Only months ago I remembered wondering why my 'death' didn't feel real, why I hadn't seen it coming, and regretting it hadn't been the death I had envisioned. As it had turned out, obviously I had not died.

Perhaps I was slightly omniscient… Only Primus knew.

It was odd… I felt no pain when it happened. I had suffered insurmountable pain in my life, and one assumed that when your spark was being extinguished, that would be the worst pain of all. It had been very painful at the outset, but oddly now I felt a sense of calm…

Of course that could be due to the fact my spark was no longer connected to my body.

This really was an undignified way to go…

The last thing I recalled hearing was Megatron's cruel laughter, just before his fist crushed my spark chamber into shards of crushed metal, the energy within pulsing and exploding into a million fragments of light, as I knew no more.

* * *

The days following Skyfire's arrival proved to be interesting for all of us. Not only had the Autobots discovered Skyfire was completely the opposite of what they had envisioned, but they found it puzzling that such a gentle kind-hearted softie would be such fast friends with ME.

Amusing, indeed.

Skyfire for one found the Autobots a pleasant group, as they were closer in mind with his own past lifestyle. He had little in common with Ironhide or Prowl, but found discussions with Ratchet comfortable as well as laughing with Jazz. Predictably he hit it off best with us science types. I heard through various grapevine that the Autobots found it extremely peculiar every time they saw me meshing ideas with Wheeljack and Perceptor, Skyfire throwing in his own views eagerly.

It just didn't fit 'me', they said.

Irony indeed.

For the most part we meshed well with the Autobots. Skywarp and Thundercracker went on training excursions more often than I, as there were times I blocked out their persistent badgering in favor of an all-night brainstorming session. However, I couldn't ignore them all the time, nor did I wish to. Therefore, Skyfire joined us on our rounds as we flew in a familiar V formation, myself at the point, my wing mates on either side and Skyfire in the center. We made for an impressive sight to any military enthusiast, I supposed.

It was fascinating in a way how comfortable we had become in this situation. Granted, verbose arguments were very frequent in the halls or refueling rooms, usually at the Twin's expense. But unlike the Decepticon ranks, fire was not exchanged when tempers flared, merely words.

Nonetheless, this disgusting peaceful atmosphere was bound to be shattered.

It started as just a routine reconnaissance mission. Check out reports of strange aircraft hanging around the military base, make sure there was no threat. I had thought it sounded suspicious.

I should have listened to my gut instinct.

The moment we entered the airspace, the military jets in patrol fell into formation with us. Though the pilots had not been 'enlightened' as to our true natures, they did know to respect the 'strange group of renegade fighters with freakish paint jobs' as allies of an unknown agency. We had high priority top-secret government clearance, after all. Of course, we did make a colorful crew, what with red, white, black, purple and blue being the primary color scheme of our squad, not to mention that three F-15's and one SR-71 were not common-placed to fly together. We'd been given little trouble, however. I had to hand it to the human military, they were professional with their pilots. Our escort was polite and to the point, informing us they had seen nothing since the initial spotting. My query as to what they had seen to tip the alarm however was not promising.

They hadn't been sure WHAT they'd seen.

I knew it right then.

There was only one flying critter too small to be a plane and to arouse suspicion with the human military. And that meant only one thing: Laserbeak. And where that little pest went, Soundwave followed. And if Soundwave were around, then the Decepticons were up to something.

_What do you think, Starscream?_

_I think it smells like slag._

_Too right._

I didn't like it. What reason could Soundwave have sneaking around a low-priority military base? There was no energy source here, no significant military point of interest. It seemed out of character. And anything out of character meant they were UP to something.

It didn't take us long to find out just WHAT it was.

As the four of us circled back to head home, I caught the flash of something silver down below. I knew instinctively there was only one thing that could have been._ Scatter!_ I ordered without hesitation, moments before a violet streak of energy slammed through the center of where our formation had been, missing us by inches. I swore loudly, not bothering to hide it from the other members of the trine.

_Frag, that was Mega-ego!_

_Ya think?!_

_What's he want with us?_

_Target practice._

_I don't care what he wants. I snarled. I'm going to tear him to SHREDS!_

_No, wait Star! He doesn't know you're with us yet and won't recognize you, don't blow your cover! We can't take him all on our own, let's call for backup!_

I completely ignored Skyfire as a red haze filtered in over my optics enraptured in my rage, and I plunged straight for the glinting silver light, snarling internally as I saw his ugly face leering at me from behind the cliff where he'd fired his fusion cannon from. Rational thought had just vacated my CPU. I was completely focused on the one thing that always happened whenever I felt that urge to take out Megatron: pure unfiltered hatred and rage. Nothing else mattered when I was like this… It was my one severe failing that I allowed my emotions to overcome me to this extent that I couldn't even think straight. Still, as I plunged downwards, a shred of thought penetrated my mind. Odd… he was alone. Where were the others?

As his optics lifted skywards, I saw the expression etched on his face. Confusion gave way to suspicion and finally recognition as my sleek white, red and black form was clearly recognizable in my alt mode, even if my mech form was different there were few differences here and now. "Starscream!" he bellowed. "I thought I recognized your foul stench!"

I didn't even think about what I was doing, and transformed in mid-air, my momentum still carrying me towards him as I lowered my null-rays to take aim at his face. "MEGATRON!" I snarled. "I'll take you out now, coward!"

_Aw frag… he's lost it._

_Does he do this often?!_

_Yes, actually. We'd better back him up or Megatron's going to frag him up again. Ratchet'll be pissed if he has to put him back together all over._

_Oh dear…_

My mind was in a red haze nonetheless, not hearing a word of the chatter between my wing mates. Megatron was here, right in front of me for the first time since I'd been whole again… and my rage that I'd been holding back, suppressing and pushing aside was now exploding out around me as often as my null-rays fired down upon him. I heard nothing of my wing mate's conversation, nothing of their warnings.

I wanted his head on a pike.

Boiled in oil.

And painted pink.

Oh yes. Revenge WAS a dish best served HOT. Burning hot with fury!

I wasn't sure when the others showed up. I was too busy. I was faster, smarter and more experienced this time, and I had Megatron working to defend himself. Without me and my wing mates to back him up, he seemed pathetically weak. Each blow I delivered sent him reeling backwards, each blast from my Null-ray missed him by only inches instead of feet. And yet I was constantly determined, focused and intent on one thing…

His death.

I suppose that's why I failed.

If I'd had time to reflect on it, I'd have wondered WHY they'd waited this long to take me out. They could have done it when they'd attacked the base, they could have done it ANY time, to be frank. They knew I was there, yet they hadn't acted.

But no… Megatron wanted to see the look on my face when Soundwave used his hacked knowledge he'd ripped from my brain during his previous psychic attack.

The EMP disablers' frequency trigger.

I'd completely forgotten about it until that point, when the strange sensation of everything going numb hit me. I'd tried tinkering with it when it had been installed and uncovered the frequency trigger but not the disabling code, and obviously Ratchet had not removed it during my upgrade like I'd thought. Prime had TRUSTED me… he'd TRUSTED me enough to give me command of troops.

But he hadn't trusted me enough to remove his back-up safety net.

I felt the world swimming around me as my arms fell limp and my legs buckled right in front of Megatron like a sparkling who had abruptly been cut off from it's energon supply. I fell slowly, watching the smirk spread slowly across Megatron's face before my face hit the sand. I heard his footsteps reverberate forebodingly as they neared, then stop as he knelt directly in front of my frozen unblinking optics… and smiled in that familiar cruel way.

"I am going to enjoy this." He purred softly.

One last thought flittered across my mind. _Oh frag… I am SO screwed._

* * *

"Starscream!"

The cry startled most of the combatants across the battlefield into silence, as many pairs of optics shifted to search for the red and silver Seeker. The sight before them sent cold chills down their spine.

Megatron stood tall and formidable, one fist firmly clenched tightly around the Air Commander's throat, the other hand holding a bent and twisted metal piece that had once been the Seeker's wing sword. Starscream was completely and utterly limp against the hold, his other fist still gripping his second sword tightly, but a blast of Megatron's cannon sent it flying across the battlefield, disarming him in an instant. "Starscream, you cowardly fool…" Megatron hissed darkly, a cruel smirk on his lips. "You are far more tenacious than I thought." His cold gaze lowered to the dark slash across his chest, energon freely leaking down his chassis front where the Seeker had scored a direct and almost fatal blast. Unfortunately, it hadn't been enough. Starscream's foolish need for vengeance had made him short-sighted when it came to his opponent, and now he was clearly stuck in a dangerous position. He tried to growl something, but Megatron's grasp on his throat tightened, choking off any sounds, ignoring the rest of the watching combatants. "But this is the last time you will defy me, traitor…"

"Starscream!" The alarmed cry came from above as both Skywarp and Thundercracker became aware of what was going on, and had abandoned their fights to plunge to the rescue of their wing mate. Skywarp dove straight down at breakneck speed, a tell-tale shimmer around him as he prepared to warp, Thundercracker tight on his back. From high above, Skyfire turned in time to see the scene play out… but none of them were fast enough.

With a cruel smirk of satisfaction, Megatron slammed his fist into the vulnerable Seeker's cockpit, shattering the glass in a spray of gold shards, and wrapped his fingers around the fragile spark chamber buried beneath his plating. Starscream's head arched back as a choked scream of agony ripped from his compressed throat, at the same time Skywarp and Thundercracker burst out of the dimensional jump they had dove into, screaming bloody murder as they closed in for the kill. They couldn't fire until they were right on top of him for fear of hitting their wing leader.

But precious seconds were costly.

There was a small pulse of blue light as Megatron's fist wrapped around the spark chamber, and Starscreams' frame seized up in agony, before with one violent jerk, Megatron ripped it from his chest violently, sparks flying from energon lines as they were severed.

There were two bloodcurdling screams, as Skywarp and Thundercracker both wobbled unsteadily in the sky, curling off to the side and losing altitude quickly before both slammed into the earth with an explosion of dirt and fire, every limb twitching as they transformed upon impact, their screams echoing the one still lingering from Starscream's twitching body.

It fell still and silent abruptly.

The silence was deafening as shocked optics stared in disbelief at the scene. As Megatron's fist closed around the spark chamber, Thundercracker and Skywarp also fell silent, their twitching stopping as they fell silent to the ground.

No one could believe what they had just witnessed.

Megatron smirked, opening his palm to stare in satisfaction at the metal shards laying shattered in his hand, no sign of life dancing within, as he carelessly dumped them onto the ground before he took one hard look at the dark optics of his former second in command, and threw the body carelessly aside. Before anyone could act, his fusion cannon powered up and with an enormous crack that echoed across the cannon walls, the blast left his canon and slammed into the falling body. "Now, finally I am rid of you for good. I dare you to come back from THAT, Starscream." There was a faint glitter in the air as the light vanished, but that was all that was left of the former Air Commander, as the metal disintegrated into particles. With a final smirk at the stunned Autobots, he turned and gestured to his troops. "Decepticons! Withdraw!"

No one tried to stop them as they left.

"Primus…" Ratchet whispered harshly, kneeling down to the rocks and slowly picking up the only remaining pieces of their fallen Air Commander. The wing-sword stood jammed between rocks, the only thing unmarred, looking forlorn and alone, the single existing piece that had survived Megatron's wrath. "He didn't deserve this… This was our fault…"

"The others?" Optimus asked quietly in a somber voice, glancing to the two unconscious Seekers.

Skyfire stood from where he had been inspecting both his friends. "Minor injuries physically… I cannot be sure of their mental status… feeling his spark…" Skyfire's vocalizor trailed off, choked up, his optics staring distantly down at the two Seekers. He was not a member of their link… but he was still their friend… and more than that, he had been the closest friend Starscream had ever had… it was a heavy loss to him more than anyone else, aside from Thundercracker and Skywarp.

"Bring them back to the base… we'll regroup there." Optimus said quietly.

"Yes sir."

No one said a word the entire trip back.


	15. Chapter 15: Loss

**My Madness, My Saving Sanity**

**_Chapter Fifteen: Loss _**

_By: Nightelfcrawler_

_Author's note: While this is G1 based, I've made Starscream a blend of his G1 and Armada personalities just because I find the dichotomy of it fascinating. It takes place in no particular timeline, following no particular events. Also, please review politely. If you haven't something nice to say, keep it to yourself please._

* * *

Thundercracker was the first to regain consciousness.

The first thing he felt was a sudden empty pain in his very being, through his spark like a hole, a missing link. At first he didn't know what it meant, and his optics on-lined with a flicker, a groan escaping his vocalizer as he blinked blearily at the ceiling trying to figure out what had happened.

"Thundercracker?" Ratchet's face came into his field of vision, staring down at him with sharp but worried optics. "How are you?"

"…I feel weird." He muttered distantly, optics unfocused as he tried to pinpoint just WHY he felt like slag. "What happened…?"

There was a long and distinctly uncomfortable pause as Ratchet stared down at him, optics softening. "You don't remember?"

Thundercracker knew something was wrong then. The way the medic asked that question sent chills through his spark. _Warp? _He sent, but received no reply. He checked his com status, and saw no signal for either of his wing mates. They were both off-line still then…

Off-line…?

Oh FRAG!

The memory hit him as if he'd flown into a solid rock wall at mach 3.

Starscream...

Megatron had… had…

A howl of rage and agony ripped from his throat like a maddened roar, and he paid no heed to Ratchet's attempts to quiet him as he sat up violently, grasping at his chest as he felt a lancing fire grip him by the spark. It felt like he was on fire, his energon boiling! His CPU started to overload as the information began to bombard his systems, his spark pulsing wildly until Ratchet slammed something into his fuel lines, which immediately took effect and calmed the enraged Seeker. Thundercracker slumped back onto the table, his cry of rage dying into a small whimper in his throat, his optics off-lining as he tried to process the overwhelming grief threatening to put him back into stasis.

Starscream… was dead.

How long he turned over this information, processed it and rejected the idea, he had no clue. But the sedative worked it's magic and when it finally wore off and he came back into a more aware state of mind, Ratchet was gone and Skyfire was sitting there at his bedside, staring blankly at the wall, unaware he'd come back on-line. "…'fire…" Thundercracker whispered.

The mech turned his head like a whip, standing to come to the seeker's bedside. "You're awake…" He said quietly. "…calmer now I see." He sounded calm himself, but his electric blue optics betrayed the truth. He was barely holding his emotions in check.

He didn't want to say it, ask it… but it was the only thing on his mind. The emptiness in his spark wouldn't go away, the vacant feeling something was MISSING kept nagging at him. "…he's gone…" He whispered dully, staring at Skyfire without any of his guard up, unhidden anguish and pain reflecting in his crimson optics.

"Yes…" Was the quiet answer.

"I need to see him."

"No, TC… you're in no condition…"

"I want to see him NOW." It was not a request.

Skyfire studied the blue seeker, then nodded once and offered an arm. Thundercracker took it, pulling himself up to a standing position. He wasn't injured hardly at all, however he felt weak in the knees, as if he'd been under-fueling. He said nothing as the larger flier helped him up and into the adjacent room. Ratchet glanced up from a table, staring intently at the two of them as they came in, but said nothing. Skyfire led Thundercracker to a table in the middle of the room.

The wing-sword looked innocuous laying on the table. It had been polished, dents removed, and was given a place of respect by the medic, as way of remembering the sacrifice that had been made, even if he had chosen up to the end not to wear their colors in the end. Thundercracker stopped at the table, and stared down at the last memory of his wing leader with a strange expression in his crimson optics. It was as if he couldn't believe it were true, that he wouldn't hear his commander's annoyed voice snapping at him again, nor see his jets spinning into the air laughing at them for not being able to keep up. He tentatively reached out, but then thought better of it, and lay his hand flat on the table instead, shuttering his optics.

"…I'm sorry TC." Skyfire said gently, his strong re-assuring presence a calming center point. "Would you like time alone?"

"No…" Thundercracker said quietly, opening his optics again to stare at Starscream's weapon. "…I don't think I could handle that, with 'Warp still offline."

"He'll be fine… as much as you are anyway."

"Yeah…"

They were silent for a long time, still absorbing the fact their friend was gone for good this time. "….of all the times that he managed to escape him… every time he got away, he escaped… We helped him the last time, or else he might have gone off-line then… but to think Megatron still won in the end…"

"Megatron is one difficult mech to disperse, for anyone." Skyfire said quietly. "No matter how much determination you show against him, the fact still remains he is smart, powerful, and dangerous. Starscream knew that, and still recklessly attacked."

"It wasn't reckless. He thought he could do it." Thundercracker said firmly with conviction. "He felt strong, powerful… he thought he could do it, take him down. And he almost did. If it weren't for that fragging EMP thing that the Autoscum CONVENIENTLY forgot to remove…!"

"Can you blame them for being cautious?" Skyfire asked gently. "Even I have difficulty picking out the friend I knew from the Starscream you two know now… I cannot say I blame Optimus for his decision… though I don't think any of them thought it would be used against him in such a way. I know they feel horrible about it, responsible…" His optics lowered as Thundercracker refused to reply. "But nonetheless… almost isn't good enough when it comes to murder." Skyfire said softly. "I know it may sound horrible, but I'm almost glad he didn't succeed… I would hate to see a death on his hands."

"He's killed hundreds, thousands before." Thundercracker said tersely. "Megatron would have been no loss for anyone."

"True, but… I'd like to think his hands were washed cleaned when he left the Decepticons… you all are the same… I would hope you wouldn't resort to having to extinguish sparks again…that maybe you had accepted our philosophies… that you had changed. I'm somewhat glad that Megatron's death wasn't on his conscience…."

"You'd rather he'd have died with a clean soul than lived with another death?" Thundercracker shot him a sharp look. "This is war. Both sides have killed, neither are blameless."

"I know… it's a fleeting fantasy I suppose… I never was very good with practicality."

"Yeah…" Thundercracker sighed, and smiled faintly. "That's one thing you two shared… You were both alike, yet so different. Starscream had this lust for power, control, getting things done… and doing it himself. He always tried to think things out thoroughly, come up with plans that might work… You're always thinking through every option but never putting anything into play, preferring to play with scenarios rather than take action... but you both loved to think."

Skyfire shot him a keen glance. "I didn't realize Starscream shared so much about his friendship with me to you both."

"Eh… he shared enough." Thundercracker said quietly. "Though after a while I guess he felt it wasn't productive, and tried to forget everything…"

"That sounds like him. Always pushing aside his problems rather than facing them head on."

"Megatron always called him a coward for thinking like that…" Thundercracker frowned. "But he wasn't really a coward… he just thought smart. He knew sometimes the best strategy was to retreat or stop to try something else, especially when it was obvious what he was doing wouldn't work."

Skyfire nodded in agreement. "The Starscream I knew never liked to take chances… It's so strange seeing him in battle now, unrelenting without hesitation… yet I still see something of the old mech I knew survived."

"Yeah… deep down I think he was a different person entirely… he just couldn't let that part show because we were Decepticons… weakness, individual thoughts and rebellious attitude were not permitted…"

"So why did you three join up with them in the first place?" Skyfire asked softly. "I always wanted to ask… I just… wasn't sure it was appropriate yet."

Thundercracker sighed again, his vents whirling in frustration. "We each have our stories. I'll let you ask Warp about his… though I don't think it's a very long story, given his greed for fighting…"

"True."

"For me… it really was the only option I had at the time. It was either join them or go down with the rest of Vos. I didn't relish becoming scrap metal, so I joined up."

"But you didn't enjoy it."

"Don't get me wrong, the cause was justified at first." Thundercracker frowned slightly. "If felt like we were doing the right thing, revenge for the destruction of our home, stopping those responsible… I didn't realize the truth of what had happened until much later, and by then it was far too late to second guess my decision to join." He shook his head. "Once a Decepticon, you're in it for life… they don't tolerate defectors. They usually end up dead." He stared down at the table thoughtfully. "But for Screamer… we knew he was different the moment we lay optics on him. He was real quiet at first…kept to himself. A few other 'cons tried to bully him, he'd stare them down as if he didn't even see them standing there. Got himself fragged up a few times because of that. But they soon learned to respect him once he started fighting. I remember the first time we saw him, we thought he wouldn't last. Even though he was a Seeker like us, he just didn't seem anything special. He hadn't brawled with anyone, he hadn't done anything to stand out. But the moment he took to the battle test, we knew that he was going to go far… he was fast, very fast…. And agile like you wouldn't believe. He didn't even get hit once, and took down all his opponents in record time. When he was done, he just walked off, as if he'd done nothing special, and ignored everyone trying to compliment him…" He smiled slightly. "I don't know what was going through his mind, maybe he thought it was due to him, or maybe he just didn't care… either way, Megatron noticed his dedication and his determination to do better than everyone. He rose to Air Commander really quickly after that…"

"I see." Skyfire said quietly. "I wonder if he was feeling guilty for what happened to me…"

"I think so." Thundercracker said slowly. "We tried to ask him his reasons for joining, but he never talked at first. It was only after we'd been working together for a while and started kind of being friendly with each other that he even opened up, and we learned about you… though he never told us he was a scientist before the war, he did say that he lost a close friend and that's why he'd joined up…"

"Because of me?" Skyfire seemed shocked. "Why would he join the Decepticons because of me?"

"He thought you died because of him." Thundercracker said quietly, glancing up at the large white mech. "He felt guilty… as if he'd killed you himself… I suppose he figured that there was nothing left for him in the science field with the war going on… and he probably thought he was as good as a murderer, so why not join up with others like him."

"That's…horribly twisted."

"Well, he never really was known for thinking rationally." Thundercracker winced. "His ideas might have been smart, but they were usually very unorthodox and involved great risk, which is why they often failed… the others never wanted to risk their lives and thus the plans fell through. Otherwise, he might have overthrown Megatron a millennia ago."

"It seems strange hearing you talk about this person I never knew…"

"Your death affected him heavily… more than perhaps even he knew."

"His death will affect us just the same."

Thundercracker fell silent, staring at his wing leader's weapon, as if thinking taking his optics off it might make it vanish like smoke, vanish like the rest of him. It was still unreal to know that Starscream was gone. He felt an emptiness, but his spark still refused to accept it. It was difficult ignoring the contradictions his processor reminded him versus what he felt. They had been together for a millennia, more than that, they had become friends in some strange twisted way.

_…TC….?_

Thundercracker's head snapped up. With his thoughts distracting him, he'd hardly noticed that Skywarp had come back online. _Warp? How you doing?_

_Groggy… What happened?_

Thundercracker winced, not wanting to say it aloud, still not wanting to admit it. _Screamer's gone, Warp. _

There was a long empty pause in which he knew his partner was absorbing that information with the same amount of shock he himself had. After several heart wrenching moments, the pleading response came. _No… He's SCREAMER he can't …be…_

_It's over, Warp. He's gone. We can't change that._

_Frag you!_ Came the angry reply, choked with emotion. Thundercracker off lined his optics and pulled out of the conversation, not wanting to make things worse. They weren't used to sharing emotions, sharing grief. They were Decepticons, used to privacy to deal with their issues. Warp needed that as much as he did himself.

"You ok?" Skyfire asked gently at his side, a supportive hand on his shoulder.

"I need to be alone now." He muttered.

"Ratchet mentioned that Optimus wants to…"

"I don't give a flyin' frag!" Thundercracker snapped, his crimson optics blazing in fury, directed at the mech. "You don't know the Screamer we knew! You knew someone else. So go remember him your way, let us remember him our way!"

Skyfire's jaw tightened, but his blue optics remained soft. He understood the Seeker's need, and with a single nod, he turned and exited the med-bay without another word, leaving Thundercracker to his thoughts.

But what thoughts could possibly occupy your mind after losing a team-mate, a leader, a friend?


	16. Chapter 16: Something Fishy

**My Madness, My Saving Sanity**

_**Chapter Sixteen: Something Fishy...  
**_

_By: Nightelfcrawler_

_Author's note: While this is G1 based, I've made Starscream a blend of his G1 and Armada personalities just because I find the dichotomy of it fascinating. It takes place in no particular timeline, following no particular events. Also, please review politely. If you haven't something nice to say, keep it to yourself please. Also, I despise nitpicking, please don't make comments about grammar or single spelling mistakes. Enjoy the story, don't be picky._

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Though Thundercracker and Skyfire were not injured physically, Ratchet had not seen fit to release them from the med-bay until they had requested to leave. Even then, he felt guilt as he watched the two slip out the doors. Mental well-being was not his specialty, and he had no idea how to treat post-traumatic stress. He had seen it more than once with the war, families torn apart, partners lost, and he'd felt just as useless then. Optimus tended to be the best person to help in those situations, however for the Seekers who harbored a fiery rage towards both himself and Optimus, he wasn't sure who would be able to help them. Skyfire had promised he'd work on it, but he too was of the science genre and not mental health.

Nonetheless, it seemed everyone was on their best behavior.

Some had tried speaking to the two, and been met with hostility. Jazz had made the attempt, as had Sunstreaker and Sideswipe. Skywarp, who had been rather friendly and joined in the conspiracy of the twins, was not moved by their attempts, and let loose some rather raw insults. It was very clear after the Seeker told them what they could do with themselves that the two of them held a very strong grudge against all the Autobots for their commander's death. The only reason they hadn't left had been at Skyfire's urging. He had pointed out that there was no place for them to go on their own, and with the Decepticons on the hunt for them they would be safer here, despite how they felt. Though he was fairly sure he hadn't convinced them, it became obvious the reason they didn't want to leave was because they felt they would leave something of their fallen comrade behind if they did. So for the time being they remained, though were less sociable then they had been before, not that they had been the cheery types.

Despite constant apologies and assurances that what had happened was not the intent, it didn't seem to do much good.

Not that anyone could blame them. It wasn't as if most of the Autobots were fond of Starscream, and behind closed doors some of them were secretly glad he was gone, but all of them realized the circumstances had not been what they should have been. It hadn't been Megatron who had truly killed him…. It had been their inactions, or paranoia that had led to the Seeker's death.

Therefore no one gave them grief. Nonetheless, they couldn't simply sit around the base moping. They were asked to return to duty, and accepted grudgingly.

It didn't mean the transition was smooth, however.

"I appreciate your willingness to remain here and co-operate with us." Optimus murmured, regarding the two fliers as they stood in identical poses across from his desk. Both of them wore blank expression, stood at attention and seemed the perfect soldiers… however from what he'd been hearing from his men, these facades extended only so far as his door. "I want you both to know how deeply I regret what happened. I felt Starscream was becoming a valued member of our team, and his expertise and advise invaluable. You have my assurances he will be remembered with honor, having worked to better this universe while here with us." Neither of them replied, but the sharp glares in their optics told him that he was trying their patience. They didn't want what they felt to be empty apologies. He knew their anger would be smoldering for a very long time, and unfortunately there was little that could be done to quench that fire. The Autobots had made a serious mistake. On the other hand, Optimus couldn't say he would have done anything differently if given a second chance. After all, the threat of Starscream betraying them had been far more real than having him join their side. Until he'd proved his loyalty, Optimus hadn't been ready to risk his men's lives on the former Decepticon Air Commander's treacherous past.

Still, the guilt of a death weighed heavily on his conscience. He did what he could therefore to make the remaining two Seekers feel more at ease.

When asked if they wanted a memorial of some kind, a remembrance, both of them had balked at the idea. Growing up in Decepticon ranks where such nostalgia and sentimentalism was frowned upon, Optimus hadn't been able to blame them. It was likely that the two Seekers were the only of the Air Commander's old faction who would miss him, and while Starscream had actually managed to make a few friends while with the Autobots, most weren't sentimental enough to want to remember him as a hero of any sorts.

Therefore, Starscream's wing sword had remained in Ratchet's med bay until further time when they decided what to do for him. Until then, it was apparently business as usual.

"All right, listen up. We're doing some restructuring." Ironhide said pacing before the gathered Autobots. "I know you're not happy about it, but we gotta keep moving. Skyfire, you're taking charge of the aerial troops." Skyfire sighed a bit but nodded. Everyone had expected this, as the Seekers couldn't be trusted with their emotions just yet. Skyfire was the reliable one, and the most appropriate replacement. "From our reports, Megatron is laying low for a while after the last attack, rumors are he's more damaged than he let on." There was some smirks from the gathered mechs, satisfaction that Starscream had at least left quite an impression. "So let's try and get a heads up on any activity that might give us an idea of what they're planning next. We know space bridges are of an interest to them, so let's see if they're building any."

"It wouldn't work." All optics shifted to stare at Thundercracker, surprised at the sudden declaration from the normally quiet Seeker.

"What?" Ironhide blinked in puzzlement. "What wouldn't work?"

"Any space bridge they try making."

"Why not?" Perceptor asked, curious. "They have competent scientists among them. From what Starscream told me, they might already have started constructing one."

"It won't work, because they don't have any reliable source of energy to power it. Their methods are not up to standards, mostly because they lack a source of refined energy. It requires approximately ten megatons of refined energy to power even one jump." He snorted irritably, folding his arms in front of his chassis smugly.

"Uh…" Skywarp said uncertainly, as silence hung in the room. "…TC?"

"What?" Crimson optics glared irritably at him.

"That's not funny." The black mech was not smiling, and looked almost wounded.

"What isn't?" Thundercracker lifted an optic ridge in question.

Skywarp glanced at Skyfire, who looked mildly puzzled, and shrugged to the Seeker. "I didn't realize you had an interest in space bridge technology, TC."

Thundercracker blinked suddenly, his hands dropping. "What? I don't know a thing about space bridge technology, what are you talking about."

"Ok… now I KNOW something's wrong with him." Skywarp insisted, stalking up to his wing mate and rapping him sharply on the head. "Did you just FORGET what you just told us?"

"What?"

"About the energy required to power a space bridge."

"I thought that was common knowledge."

"Yeah right… sure you did." Skywarp sulked darkly, optics averting. "Stop trying to replace him… it's not funny." And with that, he stalked off darkly down the hallway, leaving Thundercracker to stare at his retreating wingman with baffled annoyance.

"What did I say?"

"I'm not sure, exactly." Skyfire said quietly, staring curiously at his friend. "However… for a moment there, you did sound awfully like Starscream."

"I've just been around him too long." Thundercracker muttered, rubbing his head with a sigh. "And I've had this insufferable headache since I woke out of recharge."

"Well, maybe you should see Ratchet about it."

"No, I'm fine. Let's just go patrol. Skywarp can sulk his turbines for a while."

The two leapt into the air, engines blasting their way into the sky.

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The next day, Skywarp began to suspect there was something wrong with Thundercracker.

It started small, insignificant, as things often did. Mostly everyone was trying to remain positive after the devastating blow of Starscream's death. Several mechs were studiously avoiding the Seekers, and avoiding Skyfire as well, not willing to try and talk cheerfully when they were all clearly grieving. In a way, each of them dealt with it their grief differently. Skywarp was uncharacteristically quiet and mellow, but fought twice as hard during practice runs as if taking out his anger as a way to vent. Skyfire had remained detached and quiet rarely smiling at anyone, a drastic contrast from the normally friendly mech.

And then there was Thundercracker.

Skywarp had not been kidding when he'd said the interest in science didn't become the blue seeker. Everyone else was starting to notice it too. It started with small things. He'd made a comment in passing Perceptor as he'd overheard him discussing the space bridge power crisis with Wheeljack. It'd been one of those offhand comments that just didn't sound right coming out of his mouth. He'd completely ignored the stares and walked off not thinking a thing about it.

That afternoon, he'd YELLED at Skywarp for pulling a stupid stunt in combat training.

Thundercracker almost NEVER yelled at Skywarp.

That night, he'd REFUSED high-grade, and buried himself reading a data pad manual.

Thundercracker NEVER refused high-grade.

The next morning, the entire base KNEW something was wrong with Thundercracker.

"Ratchet…?" Skywarp's voice startled the entire group gathered in the rec room. Not because it was unusual for the ex-con to come looking for the medic, but because his voice sounded small, uncertain, and scared. All optics turned to see the black and violet Seeker hovering near the entrance, his crimson optics dull, wringing his hands uncomfortably as he did when he was uncertain about something.

"What is it, Skywarp?" Ratchet asked as he set his energon cube down. "Repairs bothering you again?"

"No... it's not me…" He said quietly. "…it's Thundercracker." It was then that Ratchet noticed the obvious dent in one of Skywarp's wings, something that hadn't been there before. Skywarp glanced back to the medic, shuffling his feet. "He's acting weird…"

"He do that?"

"He didn't mean to. He didn't know it was me… he was throwing things… trashing his room. He wouldn't even acknowledge me… even through our link."

"Now that definitely is odd." Ratchet said frowning. "Ironhide, mind giving me a hand? Might need you if he's unstable."

"Right."

When they reached Thundercracker's quarters, it was quite clear that Skywarp had, for once, been understating the damage. The entire room was trashed. Low-grade was splattered on the walls, high-grade on the floor, and the furniture was uprooted everywhere, dented and twisted. It looked as if Thundercracker had actually tried to tear a hole in the wall as well. Currently, he was laying sprawled on the floor face down, unmoving. He didn't appear damaged, but he was filthy with the junk he'd tossed about. "Primus, TC…" Skywarp sighed, kneeling down at his wing mate's side and rolling him over. His optics were off-line. "What the frag's going on…"

Ratchet flinched at the concern in the Seeker's voice. It wasn't just concern, it was fear… fear that he might lose his other companion, left alone…possibly the last of his kind. It was the fear of losing family, a brother… and after they had just lost Starscream, Ratchet wasn't sure that Skywarp could mentally handle loosing another so soon. He might completely lose whatever sanity existed inside his small brain. After all, it seemed Thundercracker was taking their leader's death worse than the medic had originally thought, the last thing he wanted was a neurotic teleporter freaking out too. "It's all right. Help me take him to the med bay and we'll pinpoint the problem. It might just be a loose connection." Skywarp didn't put up a fuss as he grabbed his wing mate's shoulders with Ironhide taking his feet. Together they moved Thundercracker carefully down the hallway. About halfway, Thundercracker's optics flickered back on, and he let out a low groan. "Easy there… don't move. We're getting you to the med bay." Ratchet said quietly, though readied a sedative just in case.

"What…the slag…?" Thundercracker muttered, appearing disoriented. "Warp? What happened?"

"You attacked me, frag-head." Skywarp said sharply, though to those who'd gotten to know him they knew he was incredibly relieved the way his wings slumped at his shoulders. "What were you doing? Were you on high-grade?"

"…ugh…" Thundercracker groaned again. "Fraggin' head is killin' me."

"You probably jolted a circuit loose." Skywarp shot a glance at the medic as if asking if he was close.

"Could be." Ratchet agreed, though he was a bit concerned. He had done repairs on the two, and he'd not thought their processors had been affected in the least. But then, it could have been something jarred loose that he hadn't spotted.

But then again…

Ratchet studied the prone mech with a frown, as Skywarp watched worriedly from the side. "All right, lay still then, let me see if there's anything wrong."

"There better be." Skywarp muttered. "He just doesn't fly off the hinge like this… that was Starscream's forte."

Ratchet made a decision not to respond… when it came to their fallen commander, it was best not to barge into their conversations. Instead, he powered up his scanners and started to do a thorough analysis of Thundercracker's processor. "Initial scans show no damage…" He murmured aloud, as to try and ease Skywarps' fears. "No connections loose, everything seems to be functioning… there IS a small buildup of energy in the CPU, but it's nothing that I would normally worry about…"

"What could have caused it?"

"Imbalances like these can be caused due to a number of reasons, stress being one." Ratchet said with a sigh. "And Primus knows you two have been through enough of that lately."

"No kidding."

"Just to be safe, I'm going to run a full-systems check. It could be coming from somewhere else and the headache might just be a symptom." He pushed a few buttons on his computer and then turned back to the Seeker and began to run his scan. He studied the read-outs with the usual interest… but then something caught his attention. "Hello…what have we here?"

"What?!" Skywarp jumped in a clear panic. "What is it? Is he damaged? Is he going to offline!?"

"Calm down." Ratchet said with a sigh to the overly worried Seeker. "He's not in danger of going into stasis-lock anytime soon." He leaned in closer to stare at the scan results carefully. "However… I do have a question."

"What?"

Ratchet glanced over to the nervous Skywarp. "When I was repairing Starscream the first time he came in here…" Skywarp winced, but the medic continued. "…I noticed an anomaly with his spark. It did not seem to be bothering him, and for all I know he'd been created with it. I didn't have time to analyze the findings, though now I must admit I'm curious to know more. However…." He turned to face Skywarp. "I would like to see yours for comparison."

"What?! Why?" Skywarp skittishly backed up, hands immediately going to his cockpit to protectively cover it.

"Oh Primus, kid…" Ratchet sighed. "I'm not going to do anything to you. I just want to have a look with my own optics to compare it to what I have here."

"You're not going to do anything to it?"

"No. You can stand right there. I won't touch you."

Grudgingly, though still with a paranoid expression Skywarp approached the side of the table, where Thundercracker just gave him a muted stare. "If he'd wanted to do anything to us, he'd have done it already. We've been in here more than half the base."

"Yeah well… it's still my spark."

"Schizo."

"Hey!"

"Will you two stop bickering. Now open your chassis for me to take a look. It won't take more than a second, I just wish to verify something." Skywarp hesitantly glanced down at his cockpit, then muttered something too low for Ratchet to grasp, though he figured he probably could understand the meaning just the same. The golden glass cockpit moved to the side, making way for the medic to stare directly at the spark chamber protected beneath the metal armor. Skywarp glared to the side, refusing to look at the medic directly, clearly feeling highly embarrassed at baring his spark. Ratchet however was no-nonsense. He leaned forward and studied the spark chamber. His optics slid into scan mode so he could see through the protective shielding and directly into the spark itself. After a moment, he pulled back nodding. "I'm finished."

"Good…" Skywarp said with a clear sigh, quickly replacing the plates covering his spark and slamming his cockpit back into place quicker than a flash. "What did you find out?" He asked, a bit of worry mingling with curiosity. "Do I have a weird spark?"

"No." Ratchet said with an amused smirk. "Your spark is completely normal."

"Gee… that's weird in and of itself." Thundercracker muttered. "Imagine that, Skywarp's the 'normal' one."

"Hah, hah… so what's this mean?" Skywarp asked dryly, not fully into the joke fest, more concerned for his wing mate.

"Well…" Ratchet said slowly, turning back to Thundercracker and gesturing for him to retract his cockpit. "Let's take a look.. if my scans are right… we might have our answer as to why you're having headaches, and it could explain the mood shifts."

Thundercracker grudgingly did the same Skywarp had, retracting his armor plating. This time, Ratchet reached forward and carefully entered a code into the base of the spark chamber that connected it's protective shell to the energon pumps. The small plates scraped and moved aside, causing the blue seeker to flinch in pain for a second before his spark was revealed to the air, pulsing rapidly in bright blue flickers of light.

Right beside it, was a second spark… bright white, with a double helix ring surrounding it.


	17. Chapter 17: Too Stubborn to Die

**My Madness, My Saving Sanity**

_**Chapter Seventeen: Too Stubborn to Die **_

_By: Nightelfcrawler_

_Author's note: While this is G1 based, I've made Starscream a blend of his G1 and Armada personalities just because I find the dichotomy of it fascinating. It takes place in no particular timeline, following no particular events. Also, please review politely. If you haven't something nice to say, keep it to yourself please. Also, I despise nitpicking, please don't make comments about grammar or single spelling mistakes. Enjoy the story, don't be picky._

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Skywarp's jaw fell open. "Is that… no… it can't be."

"What?" Thundercracker asked irritably.

"It's something unusual, that is for certain." Ratchet mused. "And no, Skywarp… it's not what I believe you think it might be." He smiled wryly. "… it's not a sparkling."

"WHAT!?" Thundercracker sputtered startled. "What are you saying?!"

"It appears, Thundercracker, you are sharing your spark chamber with another spark."

The blue seeker stared incomprehensibly at the medic. "That's impossible."

"So I believed…" Ratchet murmured. "The reason sparklings are transferred after they grow too large is for this very reason. Their energy patterns interfere with the mech's normal operations. The symptoms are… headaches, short temper, lack of recharge, uncharacteristic behavior, and abrupt system crashes… the spark will try to take control, but it's typically incompatible with the hosts' systems unless given full access willingly. As you had no idea that this spark was here, naturally you did not give it permissions to take over your systems."

"But…how did another spark get into my chamber?" Thundercracker asked slowly, a frown on his face.

"TC… who you been fraggin' behind my back?" That earned Skywarp a dirty look.

"Nothing like that." Ratchet mused. "This spark is fully matured… and I've seen it before, as a matter of fact."

"You have?"

"Yes." Ratchet said with a small smirk down at the two confused Seekers. "You see… most mech's sparks are blue, like both yours are… I've only once before seen a white spark with rings around it…" He lifted his optics to the computer read-out, and punched a button. Starscream's schematics leapt onto screen. "In your commander."

Both of their jaws went slack.

"It's… Starscream?" Skywarp whispered, optics wide with sudden hope.

"Your wing commander is probably the most stubborn soul I know…" Ratchet muttered. "I have absolutely no clue how he managed to stay alive without being in his own body, but somehow it seems he managed." He frowned a bit. "I suppose it might have something to do with the anomaly of his spark itself, but I haven't had time to study it to find out WHY it is the way it is yet." Ratchet shook his head. "At least I will still have the opportunity to find out, it seems."

"So…he's ok?" Thundercracker said softly, one hand hesitantly hovering near his open chassis where the two sparks pulsed with different beats. His own spark was slow and steady, flickering blue in the med-bay's florescent lighting. The other spark flickered faster, almost flighty, as if it were anticipating something to happen.

"From what I can tell, his spark seems to be in perfect condition... just sharing space with yours."

"So…what do we do?"

Ratchet gave a small sigh. "That's the tricky part… Megatron destroyed his body down to the molecular level… I'm going to have to build an entirely new one from scratch." He gave the spark a dirty look, with a disgusted expression. "…again." A sigh emphasized his frustration. "Honestly, I should just start up an assembly line for his make and model… would save a lot of time."

"How long will that take?"

"Longer than it's safe to leave him inside Thundercracker." Warned the medic with a frown. "We're going to have to think of an alternative… otherwise it will come to the point where there will be a struggle between sparks… and someone's going to have to give…"

"I don't like the sound of that." Thundercracker growled darkly. "What can you do?"

"I'll have to think of some options… until then, I'm ordering you off duty. No rough-housing. Any amount of stress you put on your body and spark could trigger a catastrophe. I'm surprised you've not run into problems before this." Ratchet shook his head. "If you start to feel dizzy, headaches or violent tendencies, you are to come see me at once. Until then…" He presented a syringe and stuck it into an exposed energon line. "This should help with the headaches. If you start to feel strange, you might try giving in and seeing if Starscream's spark manages to take control or not… this is a unique situation, and I would be most curious to see how two sparks co-exist within one body… but don't do anything you don't feel comfortable with."

Thundercracker made a face. "I don't like the idea of letting him take over MY body… alive or not… it's still mine… and he's got more than enough ego for two bodies…"

"Fair enough." Ratchet chuckled. "I suppose were I in your shoes I'd feel the same, and you two are far closer to him than I ever want to be. Nonetheless, you're to take it easy… and not a word to anyone else…."

"Oops…" Skywarp said belatedly, drawing the glare from them both. "I erm… kinda already told Skyfire."

Ratchet sighed. "Well he's a level-headed bot… I'm sure he won't mention it to anyone else."

Famous last words.

It just so happened, the very moment Skyfire received Skywarp's communication, he'd had a mouthful of high-grade. It promptly ended up splattered all over Sunstreaker's face.

"WHAT?!" He bellowed, coughing and choking out the liquid, as Sunstreaker sat frozen, completely in shock as the liquid dripped off his face. "S…say that again, Skywarp?!" Everyone was staring at the large mech in surprise.

"Skyfire?" Optimus asked with concern. "What is it?"

The scientist blinked up at his commander, optics still wide with shock. "Sir… you're never going to believe this…"

Needless to say, the news traveled like fire through dry brush. By the time Skywarp was helping Thundercracker walk woozily out of the medical bay, the entire base knew, and were waiting for them just outside.

It was a very long day.

The questions Thundercracker had to field were nothing compared to the odd looks he got. Some didn't believe this was a coincidence, some found sick ways to twist it. Overall though, everyone took the news rather well. Optimus seemed quite pleased, and offered his support and assistance with anything that they might need. A few of the others weren't ultimately pleased, but they couldn't very well SAY they weren't glad Starscreams' spark had survived without sounding like cold sparked Decepticons. Thus, Thundercracker abruptly had several new allies watching out for his well-being like a femme carrying a sparkling. Ironically, it wasn't far from the truth, except THIS spark was not a passive child along for the ride, but like a parasite trying to wrest control.

Typical. Starscream never had been the type to just sit back and twiddle his thumbs.

The headaches continued, but now that he knew why they were happening, he made a point to start recharging in Ratchet's medical bay just in case an 'alternate' persona showed up. Since his initial outburst in his quarters, things seemed to have calmed down. Now, when he felt those violent tendencies start to surge to the surface, he knew they weren't his own, and did his best to try and relax, to let his own emotions try to calm the other spark fluttering wildly in his chassis. Now that he knew it was there, he could FEEL it within him… like a caged beast fighting to break free. Yet, Ratchet told him the spark probably had the ability to leave if it chose to, but it had to find another host, another energy source… and likely it didn't feel drawn to anyone else as closely as his wing mate, and he was the more stable of the two Seekers left alive.

Somehow, that didn't reassure him.

"The thing with sparks is that normally they cannot exist without a significant source of energon to keep feeding them. So when we do spark transplants we have to hook them up to a short-term stasis field, but it's never been done for an extended period. It's not meant for that… I suppose I could try to find a way to rig one up, but I'm concerned that it could do more damage than simply leaving him with you…" The medic was musing as sat talking to Thundercracker and Optimus about the situation. It had been a week, and the toll was already taking effect on the tired Seeker. He had to consume twice the usual amount of fuel, rest twice as long, and he still appeared exhausted and drained the whole time. The headaches had grown worse, as had his short temper… he was beginning to resemble his commander more and more as bursts of his personality shone through.

Skywarp's personality had completely turned around. He'd volunteered to re-paint Thundercracker to white and red.

That had earned him a dent in his helmet.

"So what are our current options, Ratchet?" Optimus asked solemnly, glancing at the Seeker who appeared about to nod off into recharge again.

"Well… as I said, I can try to construct a long-term housing chamber. But it'll be tricky as I'm sure the spark will not like being in it one bit. We're still not sure how aware sparks are during those procedures, but from the way it's been acting inside of Thundercracker, there's some amount of awareness, and it's driving him nuts. Now, I need some time to construct a new body from scratch… it's going to take a lot of parts I don't have… this isn't just field repairs. I have his schematics still on file thankfully, so I will be able to completely rebuild his most recent form." He paused. "There's just one catch."

"What's that?" Thundercracker asked tired, opening his optics blearily to stare at the medic.

"Well… sparks are souls, the essence and being of the mechs we are. But they don't store the entire life-experiences of a mech. A few memories here and there, the basic essence of the spark's personality, but the CPU is what we use when referencing experiences and memories."

Thundercracker's optics widened as he snapped to alert status. "You're saying even if you rebuild him, he won't remember who he is? His whole life? Anything?"

"We can download any information we need to into the new processors once I've built them." Ratchet said slowly. "But they'll be your memories, not his… he will essentially be a blank slate… We can give him the knowledge Skyfire has, the memories you and Skywarp have of being with him… anything you'd like to share. But they'll be from your perspective, and his own experiences are lost forever… His spark may be the same, but he won't be the same mech… essentially, he'll be a reborn spark. A completely new mech. A few choice memories may have ingrained themselves onto his spark, but most of his life will be gone."

Thundercracker's wings slumped a bit at the news and he stared blankly at the ground. "I… didn't expect that."

"I'm sorry." Ratchet offered with a sigh. "Unless he made a back-up copy of his data files somewhere, everything he is, every quirk, memory and personality flaw will be built again from the ground up. This might not be a bad thing for him… a fresh start, free of any bias…"

"He won't be Screamer, though." Thundercracker muttered. Suddenly he paused. "Wait a second…"

"What?"

"You said if he'd made a backup of his processor… we might be able to use that?"

"It's possible… why? Did he?" Ratchet stared at the Seeker in surprise. "Oddly enough, I wouldn't be surprised knowing how paranoid he was."

"He might have." Thundercracker said slowly. "There's just one catch…" Funny how that was becoming the catch phrase of the day.

"Let me guess." Optimus said solemnly, reading the answer immediately on the ex-con's face. "It's in Decepticon headquarters."

"If it still exists at all. For all I know, Megatron could have destroyed or deleted any data Starscream had kept… knowing him, he trashed his room and destroyed all data pads to start with, now whether or not this information was hidden somewhere protected… well, only Screamer knows."

"Why the frag would someone be THAT paranoid as to save their entire memory files…" Ratchet muttered. "The data storage would be phenomenal. You'd need a whole computer for it."

Thundercracker shrugged slightly. "Well…you don't know Megatron like we do. It's entirely possible Screamer was doing it just in case his processor got damaged by him… I think he's had some close calls before, short-term memory loss, then abruptly it came back to him… I never thought much about it, but if he'd made a back-up, it might make sense how he was able to regain those memories."

"You said this happened more than once?"

"Yes."

"Interesting…" Ratchet murmured. "This could be valuable data… if he made regular backups before he left the Decepticons, there would be information there he might have even dismissed after joining us, or even forgotten. I know he mentioned having fuzzy bits of memory about recent events…"

"It happened regularly, actually." Thundercracker said suddenly, looking thoughtful. "He'd get these foggy periods when he couldn't think straight, go for a recharge, then come back his old self. I just thought it was recharge deprivation, but now… I'm not so sure. Maybe Megatron knocked a few chips loose and he had to fix them."

"The question is, how will we get into his quarters, and if they're still intact, where would we find the data." Optimus murmured.

"Getting in isn't a problem, unless Megatron's put up scrambling telemetry to keep 'Warp out… he never did before, since you guys didn't have any kind of warp technology, and Skywarp put up a stink about not being able to teleport into the base… He might not have installed anything, then again he could have… But getting in isn't the problem, it's finding the data and getting out again. Soundwave'll know the minute we're there, unless he's recharging at the time."

"We'll come up with something… this sounds like it could be very important… but we don't have to rush into it, right Ratchet?"

"Hm, certainly not. I'll work on a containment chamber for Starscream's spark first and foremost… The critical move will be getting him out of Thundercracker safely, then stabilized long enough so I can build him a new body. That will DEFINITELY keep me busy for the next orns." He growled darkly with a sigh, rubbing his head. "I swear the idiot is just taunting me… This will be the THIRD time I've repaired him!" He shook his head in frustration. "At least I still have his schematics on file… but building a protoform from scratch is going to be difficult." His optics lifted to the gathered mechs. "You should focus on figuring out how to gather that information we think is stored, and how to get it safely back here. You're not going to be able to simply download all that information into something portable. I'll have to get some kind of massive storage device for you to carry in there and transfer the information. Primus knows how much there is to begin with if we know much about Starscream."

"More than I care to know." Muttered Skywarp. "We're not going to have to… you know… watch the stuff while it downloads will we?"

"I doubt it. The transfer will be rapid and fast, unless you can speed read."

"'Warp?" Thundercracker snorted. "I think not."

"Hey!"


	18. Chapter 18: Immortal Irritating

**My Madness, My Saving Sanity**

_**Chapter Eighteen: Immortal / Immortally Irritating **_

_By: Nightelfcrawler_

_Author's note: While this is G1 based, I've made Starscream a blend of his G1 and Armada personalities just because I find the dichotomy of it fascinating. It takes place in no particular timeline, following no particular events. Also, please review politely. If you haven't something nice to say, keep it to yourself please. Also, I despise nitpicking, please don't make comments about grammar or single spelling mistakes. Enjoy the story, don't be picky._

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The day of the transfer, everyone wanted to watch. No more did idea of Starscream being a pain in the aft seem to drive their opinions, but rather the knowledge his spark was different, and had housed itself in Thundercracker provided some freak-show style entertainment for certain mechs, and scientific exploration for others.

The rest just wanted to be there for the show.

Ratchet of course had kindly ushered them all out with solid thunks to the head, courtesy his trusty wrench.

Therefore, the only invited attendees were the ones that Ratchet felt could behave themselves, namely himself and Thundercracker, who incidentally was out cold. He had firmly told Skyfire and Skywarp that their presence wasn't necessary in such a delicate procedure, and even gone so far as to pointing out he wasn't even permitting Optimus to be there. When he was finished, they were welcome to come 'talk' to the spark to their hearts content, but until then he needed peace and quiet to concentrate on his job.

Thundercracker had pretty much taken up living in the med bay by now. He'd been in stasis for almost a week straight now, more out of necessity than anything. The headaches had been near constant, and it came to a point where any fuel he consumed was being drained directly into the hungry spark, and therefore little was leftover to run his own body. Ratchet had him hooked up to a feed, and was quickly going through supplies far quicker than he'd expected. Fortunately, he'd figured out a way to lower the supply without damaging the Seeker's systems. Starscream's spark hadn't been happy, but bypassing the fuel directly into the critical systems at least kept it from stealing everything.

Now came the hard part.

The spark stasis chamber was unique in itself. The problem with keeping sparks in temporary housing devices was they tended to become agitated the longer they were kept in one place, without a body to stretch out in. This further boosted Ratchet's belief that there was SOME kind of consciousness there in spark form, even if the mech didn't remember it upon waking. Talking to the sparks usually calmed them, and keeping them prisoner for long-term often led to them trying to overload the containment chamber in order to escape, which ultimately would lead to their death without a fuel source.

So that's why he was so proud of his little invention.

It was ingenious really. Starscream probably would have been impressed; Perceptor, Wheeljack and Skyfire certainly had been. Ratchet smiled as he studied the containment chamber with satisfaction. On Cybertron they had to synthesize everything. On this planet, there were natural elements he could tap into that worked better than any synthetic element. It turned out that certain crystals had the properties to hold stored energy. As long as he negatively charged the surrounding area, the spark would stay inside the crystal and couldn't reach the energy charging the holding device. He could feed it energy indefinitely, and it wouldn't go anywhere.

Getting it INTO the chamber was another matter entirely.

He studied Thundercracker as the Seeker lay dormant on his operating table. He'd already bared the flier's spark to the air, both his and Starscreams' pulsed in similar cadence, showing that the time spent together had a distinct impact on the sparks. They had developed a symbiotic relationship in a way, and it was this that concerned Ratchet the most. Spending too much time this close to another spark might mean separating them could have severe impact on the both of them. He had seen it happen before, sparks that pined for the loss of another that they had been physically in close proximity to for an extended period of time. Typically it was with sparklings who then usually gave up and extinguished when deprived of it's caretaker's energy. With an adult spark, he hoped there wouldn't be such a dependency. A parasitic relationship was still dangerous, even so. Therefore, he was going to take his time doing this.

He slid his stool next to the sleeping Seeker and studied the sparks. Thundercracker's was pulsing slow and steady, a sure sign of being deep in recharge. Starscream's spark was fluttering in a rapid flickering pattern, as if angry at being depraved of energy. Ratchet HAD been hoping that he'd calm down a little with less energy fueling him, but it seemed stubbornness outlived fuel. He couldn't afford to wait too long. "Right then… time to give you a new home." He muttered, glancing over to the spark chamber he'd constructed, waiting for it's new host. Ratchet reached for the cables he needed. "Now… don't make this difficult." He warned the spark. He didn't care if his words were understood, being a medic gave him the authority to demand the spark to behave. He lowered the first cable down, hooking it to the bottom of Thundercracker's spark chamber and slowly giving it a temporary weld. It was essential he didn't remove the wrong spark, and calibrating the charge to the Seeker's natural energy balance was the best way to separate the two energies. Once he'd finished welding the tiny wire on, he did the same to the opposite side. Once he'd finished there, he took a pair of tiny tweezers and pulled out a piece of lead filed into a paper thin sheet and carefully lowered it down into the center of the spark chamber, gently maneuvering it between the two separate sparks. The lead effectively separated the energies from each other, and locked them both on opposing sides of the chamber. So far, so good. Things were going as planned, a textbook case. He was ready to try removing the spark. Ratchet turned and flipped the generator on, it's small whirring motor grinding a bit before starting a low hum as it spun faster. He grabbed the cables, and connected the negative end to the top of the crystal, then took the positive end and held it gently over the spark chamber. "Ok now.. let's see what you do…" Grasping the rubber wrapped handle, he slowly lowered the metal tip into the center of the spark's glowing focus. Some sparks resisted this process… but for the most part, energy was energy and was going to go the direction it naturally was drawn to.

Of course, Starscream HAD to be different.

Ratchet let a very un-medic like curse escape his vocalizer as the prod had the opposite effect it should have. Instead of being drawn through the charged stream, the spark pulled away, pressing against the far end of the spark chamber up against the lead wall. "Primus…" Ratchet growled. "You just HAVE to be difficult don't you. Fine, we'll do this the old fashioned way." He flipped the generator off with another low curse and carefully removed the welded wires, leaving the lead plate in place. Then, he grabbed another tool that resembled a mesh between an eyelash curler humans used, and an ice cream scooper. "Here little spark…." He grinned in almost a gleeful voice, slowly reaching down opening the device wide. "In we go." The spark pulsed again in protest, but there was nowhere for it to run. Ratchet scooped it up inside the holding tool, clamping the spark tightly contained inside the portable extractor, and carefully lifted it out of the chamber. Despite his firm grip, the little tool quivered in his hand as the spark struggled inside the metal holding chamber. "Uh huh." Ratchet said, staring at the brightly glowing light spilling out through the narrow cracks. "Not happy." He quickly moved to the new housing chamber, not wanting to keep the spark exposed without energy too long, the tool was already turning an unhealthy shade of burnt ember as it held the high energy of the spark. Sticking a prod into the narrow crack, he flipped the generator back on. This time, Starscream had nowhere to go, and was pulled directly into the crystal despite his best resistance. The moment the energy was inside the crystal, Ratchet ignited the shield. The containment field crackled up into place just in time to trap the spark within, as it desperately tried to escape. Ratchet smirked. "No, you're not going anywhere anytime soon. Which is just as good, since you were causing far too much trouble for your wing mate." Ratchet did a quick diagnostic on the new containment device, and once he was satisfied everything was correctly calibrated he turned his back on it to attend his other patient. Thundercracker was stable, in the same condition he had been before. This was promising. Ratchet worked to close up his spark chamber, removing the lead slab, and replacing the shielding. He then undid the work he'd done to re-route his energy supply and let his normal processes resume, monitoring the Seeker closely. There was no immediate change, so he relaxed and resigned himself to study Starscream's spark in more detail now that he had the chance.

It was interesting, but far too complex for him to make much sense of it. Spark physiology was not his specialty. It really wasn't much of a field to study, to be honest. Most sparks were alike in properties, all conductive and anti-conductive depending on the property of the metal used around them. This is why perhaps Starscream's spark had survived, though Ratchet admitted it was a far stretch of thought. To think that the spark had conducted itself at the right moment through Megatron's fist as he had crushed Starscream's spark chamber, then jumped into his wing-sword's circuits until he'd somehow managed to leap from mech to mech's touch to finally house in Thundercracker… well it was quite a reach. None of them had seen anything transfer, but then it didn't have to be showy. There were a few cases in Teletran 1 to indicate that it was possible in the right situation, but most of these cases was direct mech to mech transfer, not jumping around until it found a home. Thundercracker hadn't touched the wing-sword, nor been near Starscream when he'd died, therefore the spark had to have jumped around before lodging in the Seeker's own chamber. Ratchet shook his head. It was definitely a new field of development, given what Starscream had managed to do.

No, this spark was different in an entirely different manner. Ratchet leaned back, staring at the glowing spark as it flittered about the chamber holding it in place. Not only had it survived when other sparks would have been extinguished, but he recalled how Starscream had jump-started Skywarp's dying spark, how the three Seekers were strangely linked in a telepathic and empathic manner. Somehow, Ratchet thought, it all related to this one spark. Starscream tied them all irrevocably together. Their wing commander's spark was unique, it's property was enough of an identifying factor to somehow affect the other two. Somehow, he linked everything together. The fact he could support them, bind them and unify them… it all had to do with HIS spark…

A low groan behind him drew Ratchet out of his thoughts. He turned his head in time to see Thundercracker's optics flicker on. The fact the Seeker was up so quickly was promising. "Ah, good you're awake." He rolled his stool over to the patient's bedside, and peered down at the waking Seeker. "How are you feeling?"

"….like… slag." Thundercracker groaned, optics appearing to have issues focusing on the medic's face. "…like I haven't recharged in weeks…."

"Well… strictly speaking I suppose you haven't." Ratchet mused. "You've been in stasis, but not truly recharging thanks to your friend."

"How is he…? Is he out…?" Thundercracker's hand twitched, obviously trying to reach for his spark chamber as if touching it might reassure him.

"Don't worry, he's safely in his own home now." Ratchet assured him, rolling aside on his chair to allow Thundercracker a view of the glowing spark hovering in the crystal chamber on his desk. "He's not going anywhere."

Thundercracker sighed, his optics off-lining as a small smile played over his facial plates. "Thank Primus. It's about time he got his own room."

Ratchet chuckled. "Skywarp's jokes are rubbing off on you I see."

"Living with someone for a millennia does that to you." He muttered with a long-suffering sigh. "But in truth, it's a relief to have him out of my spark chamber. I feel better already."

"Your energy levels are rising nicely." Ratchet confirmed. "Without a power-hungry spark to feed, you've got it all. Soon with some fluids in you you'll be back on your feet and ready for duty."

"And him?"

Ratchet glanced at the spark lazily drifting within his containment chamber. "He'll be fine for now. If it gets to be a problem, I can build a temporary body for him. I don't think I'll have to do that though, this seems to be working well enough."

"Temporary body… I don't want to know what that means."

Ratchet smirked. "Let's just say, he'd never live it down. It's meant to be functional, not fashionable."

"Uh huh."

"For now, lay there and get some rest and fuel. When I'm satisfied you've no side effects then we'll see about letting you leave. For now, enjoy some peace and quiet. I'd like to say that I'm not allowing visitors, but somehow I don't think any jamming signals I put in here would stop your wing mate from bothering you…"

"Yup."

"…so I'll just wish you good luck, and threaten to send him on arctic patrol again if he bothers you too much."

Thundercracker snorted. "You know something doc?"

"Hm?"

"You're not half bad… for an Autobot."

"Thank you… I think."

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Peace and quiet was something that Thundercracker was thoroughly enjoying. Skyfire checked in once to make sure he was recovering, and promised to give him space if he wished it.

Skywarp was another matter entirely.

First off, there wasn't an easy way to IGNORE the constant pinging inquiries and shared thoughts. He could block them if he tried, but not while trying to rest. Secondly, the Autobots didn't have the technology to KEEP him out of the med bay when he wanted in. Sure, they'd figure out how to send a scrambling signal in the brig, but they didn't have the actual baffle set up so that he couldn't teleport. Therefore, it wasn't long before he got his first visitation.

"TC!" Skywarp materialized in a swirl of violet light, stepping right out of nothing to end up standing next to the table where Thundercracker was currently in recharge. Given this situation, he was quickly roused out of recharge, and not in too good a mood.

Thundercracker onlined his optics to glare grumpily at his wing mate. "What…" He said flatly. "…could possibly be so important that you WAKE me up in the middle of a fraggin' recharge cycle."

"I missed you."

Oddly enough, that fizzled out any anger he had towards the irritating teleporter. There was just something about those wide crimson optics so innocently pleading that made him just give in. "Fine…" He sighed, pushing himself up into a half-sitting position on the bench. He felt sore and stiff, joints sticking and not reacting as he'd like. However, given that he'd been laying in stasis for several weeks, he imagined it was normal. He settled into a half-comfortable position, giving Skywarp enough room to at least sit down on the edge of the berth nearby. "All right, well you've got me up… What's on your mind."

"Nothing. Just wondering how you were doing. Ratchet's been a grump and hasn't let us come in and see you both yet."

"Not much to see, really." Thundercracker muttered, stifling the urge to cycle his vents in a lazy yawn. "I've been sleeping off a massive hangover, and Screamer's a glowing crystal at the moment."

Skywarp leaned closer, jumping off the berth to approach the holding device where their commander was housed. "It looks so… weird…. Seeing him like this, you know?" He said quietly, optics reflecting a little light against the crystal, making it appear slightly pink in color. "He's so… quiet."

"Cherish it while it lasts." Thundercracker snorted.

"How long until Ratchet makes his new body?"

"He said it won't take him as long as last time, given he's got all the schematics on file."

"Still, it'll be a while won't it?"

"Yeah… probably."

Skywarp sat down on Ratchet's rolling stool and poked the crystal's facet, as if trying to provoke a response from the spark within. "You think …." He said slowly in a soft quiet voice. "… you think the reason I'm alive and that we're….you know, connected… is because of him? Because he's different?"

Thundercracker sighed and slowly moved off the berth, wincing as his joints groaned at the pressure of supporting his weight, but didn't give out as he made his way gingerly towards his wing mate. "Maybe. Don't get me wrong, just because I housed his karma for a while doesn't mean any of his smarts rubbed off on me, so I'm not qualified to judge anything…." He hesitated staring down at the spark with a deep thoughtful expression. "But from just what we've seen, he's helped save our lives, kept us alive, and somehow managed to survive without his own body. I think that's pretty significant. I mean… I felt it when he 'died'…. Didn't you?"

"Yeah." Skywarp said quietly, all jovial attitude gone into quiet reflection. "It felt like someone was ripping my spark out. But he didn't DIE…. So… I wonder what would happen if he had? Would we have died too? I mean…" his voice shook a bit. "It FELT like we were dying. I mean, I lost consciousness praying to Primus to help me, cause I thought that was it, it was over… It was like…" his voice began to shake. "…like being torn in two."

"Yeah." Thundercracker said softly, resting a hand on his wing mate's shoulder to support him. "I felt it too… it did feel like the end-all." He sighed. "But we didn't die… and neither did he. Makes you wonder, doesn't it."

"Yeah…" Skywarp said softly, one finger tracing the side of the glass keeping the contraption away from idle fingers such as his. "It sure does. I mean… if he lived through that… what does that mean for us? He saved my life once… does that mean that we can't 'die' as long as we're… you know, connected?"

"Hey, don't ask me. I'm not the scientist here. I'd ask Skyfire to do some theories if you're really interested. As long as I'm not dead, I'm happy. I don't have to know the how's and why's of it."

"Yeah, I guess." Skywarp said frowning. "I can't even begin to figure it out but it does make me wonder what'll happen to us with, or without him. I mean…" He scowled. "Frag it I hate to admit it, but I'm WORRIED about him. It didn't used to be this bad. We were wing mates, but that was it… we looked out for each other's backs but if one bit the dust, we'd shake it off and move on… but now…" he lifted his crimson optics upwards to meet Thundercracker's even gaze. "Slag it, TC… I'm worried sick about him. It's like… like…."

"Like losing a brother."

Skywarp made a face. "That really doesn't explain it quite the way I meant."

Thundercracker lifted an optic ridge.

"Oh HELL no. Don't GO there!" Skywarp sputtered, not having to hesitate long to pick up what his wing mate was thinking. "And I thought Screamer was twisted."

"Hey, I didn't say nothin'."

"You didn't have to!"

Thundercracker grinned, amused at the fact he'd been able to rile up 'Warp. Usually it was the other way around, with the purple seeker getting on his and Starscream's nerves. "Don't worry… he's not so easy to get rid of, as we've discovered. More likely than not he'll be back to rubbing in how he's outsmarted Megatron once more as soon as he's got a body."

"I wonder if he can sense us like this…" Skywarp mused, leaning in closer so that his optics nearly touched the glass. "I mean, it's our sparks that are linked, so you think he can feel or tell we're nearby?"

"Who knows… All I know is that I feel a hell of a lot better with him there and not inside me."

"I'm not touching that sentence with a ten foot pole."

Thundercracker smacked his fist into the side of Skywarp's head. "Sicko."

"Glad to be of service."


	19. Chapter 19: Infiltration

**My Madness, My Saving Sanity**

_**Chapter Nineteen: Infiltration **_

_By: Nightelfcrawler_

_Author's note: While this is G1 based, I've made Starscream a blend of his G1 and Armada personalities just because I find the dichotomy of it fascinating. It takes place in no particular timeline, following no particular events. Also, please review politely. If you haven't something nice to say, keep it to yourself please. Also, I despise nitpicking, please don't make comments about grammar or single spelling mistakes. Enjoy the story, don't be picky._

_Further note: I have officially finished the story, so I'll be posting the chapters quicker now. Once done here, it's on to the How it Will Be story I've been working on. Anyone with ideas they might like to see, feel free to email them to me! I have the plot down, but I would welcome any input for things people might like implemented in the story._

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Thundercracker was worried.

It wasn't often that he felt this feeling as of late, but he had good reason to feel concerned. He was currently crouched low behind some barrels of energon in the hangar of the Decepticon base, watching his own former comrades chat cheerily over some overturned crates, cards spread before them laughing as they over energized on high-grade. Beside him crouched three unlikely allies, his wing mate, Skyfire who was trying his best to hunch over in order to remain hidden, and Mirage who was currently ensuring they weren't spotted. Had he known months ago he'd be sneaking back into his own base with Autobots in order to break into his Commander's private files he would have checked himself in for a tune-up.

Nonetheless, here they were.

"How are we going to get past them?" Whispered Skyfire. "There's no way Mirage can conceal us all."

"No, I can't." The mech confirmed quietly, watching the Constructicons indulging with a few others, laughing raucously. "I could do two runs, if we're careful, and Skywarp can get himself into the hallway on his own, but I only have so much energy. Is there an easier way?"

"Well…" Skywarp said slowly with a smirk. "If we wait long enough they could pass out… or we could walk by them and they wouldn't know it was us since they'd be so fragged up."

"I don't think even they could be that drunk, Warp."

"Sure they could." His wing mate said with a darker grin, pulling out something small from a hidden compartment and holding it up. Everyone stared at it.

"What is that…?"

"Oh, just a little something Wheeljack whipped up for me."

Everyone instinctively took a step back. "Are you NUTS?!" Thundercracker hissed. "And you plan on putting that in their energon?!"

"It won't blow up, he tested it." Skywarp said stiffly. "I watched." The gathered mechs stared at him incredulously. "What? It packs a punch ok? I erm… tried it out."

Thundercraker slapped his face into his hand. "Moron."

"Nothing's done right unless ya do it yourself, isn't that what Screamer'd say?"

"Not when it comes to testing unknown substances created by a mad scientist. Primus, Warp no wonder you're dull on the mental scale if you drink stuff like that without thinking."

"Humph, fine then." Skywarp said moodily. "Don't use it."

"Hey, didn't say we wouldn't."

"Then get over there and put it in their drinks." He shoved the vial at Mirage. "I'll distract them."

"How… exactly?" Mirage asked slowly.

"Easy." Skywarp grinned cheerfully, then vanished.

"Oh Primus… what's he up to now." Thundercracker muttered as everyone watched tensely for some kind of sign as to what Skywarp was about to do. They didn't have to wait long. Out of nowhere, something near the exit exploded, sending cold coolant spraying into the hangar with a hiss of white steam. Instantly the Decepticons were in an uproar as the misty fog began to fill the room.

"Frag it, turn that slaggin' thing off will ya Scrapper?!"

"Why do I gotta do it. You go climb up there and cap it."

"Slag no… I'm not climbin' up some unsteady pile of scrap."

"Fine I'LL do it, slaggers."

While they argued, no one noticed the small distortion of the mist as an invisible figure moved silently through the hangar, slipping the small vial into each of their beverages before slipping back behind the crates to re-join his cohorts. Skywarp was already back and watching with amusement. It didn't take the Decepticons long to stop the small coolant break, and soon they returned to their drinks, downing more mouthfuls as they returned to their conversations. But then, as the gathered mechs watched, one by one the Decepticons began to nod off, going into recharge right at the table, until all of them were silent or snoring, completely unaware that their drinks were still sitting half empty on the table.

"Nice…" Skyfire said, obviously impressed. "What did you say was in that?"

"No idea. But like I said, they'll sleep like sparklings and wake up with a hell of a headache."

"I gotta hand it to you, 'Warp…" Thundercracker said with a smile. "I think some of Screamer's intelligence wore off on you."

"Primus, I hope not!"

The four mechs slowly snuck out of their hiding place and past the snoozing Decepticons with no trouble. As they paused at the hangar's entrance, Thundercracker scanned his radar. It was obvious that it would be too much trouble for Soundwave to reprogram all of the Decepticons's signals, therefore he was still able to detect where everyone was in the base. "Clear." He whispered quietly. "No one's within several meters of our route… we'll just have to watch out for Soundwave or his cassettes."

"Where are they?" Skyfire asked softly.

"The cassettes aren't on our radars, never were…Soundwave made them that way." Skywarp made a face. "Annoying fraggers…"

"Yeah… but they're also never far from their master unless he sends them on a mission… We're fairly safe as long as we keep our optics peeled. Mirage should lead just in case when we go around corners. Once we're in Starscream's quarters though…" He shook his head. "Soundwave might have had it sealed or bugged, so we'd better be ready for anything, whether it's fighting or defending while we finish getting the data."

"Speaking of the fragger…" Skywarp said in a low voice. "I'm expecting he'll know we're here… so be ready to silence him before he sends out a mental warning."

"If he finds we're here, it'll be too late to do anything about it. He's smart. He'll send out a warning before letting us know he knows we're here."

"And if we run into Megatron?"

Everyone fell silent. "Let's hope we don't." Thundercracker said quietly.

"If we do, run like the pit." Skywarp muttered. "Every mech for themselves."

The group slowly moved down the hallway. They hadn't been sure that Perceptors' dampening signal device would hide them from being detected, but as no alarms had gone off yet, they were fairly sure it was working. But a signal dampener didn't stop them from being physically spotted if they weren't careful. Luckily, choosing to come in late at night was a good idea, as most of the 'cons were in recharge in their private quarters, thus the halls were mostly deserted. Mirage checked the corridors before they made the turns, Thundercracker kept an eye on their radar, while Skywarp and Skyfire kept their guns ready. Skyfire looked decidedly uncomfortable carrying the rifle, but his grip was firm. This mission was important to him after all. It was his closest friend's well-being they were after, and he had an invested interest like the other Seekers. Skywarp on the other hand did have a reputation for being too trigger happy, and was itching to fire off a shot or two. Nonetheless, their journey through the base was flawless as they neared the former Decepticon Air Commanders' quarters. It became even more tense as their sharp optics spotted a more foreboding room across the hall. Megatron's door was thick, pitted and unmarked… nonetheless, they knew behind the double iron layers was sleeping a terribly dangerous giant should they wake him. Thundercracker urged silence as they slipped past, his radar indicating that the Decepticon leader was indeed within his quarters, likely recharging…. But it was hard to tell with him. They moved on silent feet until they arrived at Starsream's door.

Sure enough, a blinking light was red on the pass code panel. Thundercracker glanced to Skyfire, who nodded and carefully began to pry off the panel, and studying the wire connectors to try and hotwire it open without triggering any alarm. They sat there in silence, huddled together terrified what might happen if someone found them there in plain view. But after a few long moments, a light 'bleep' sounded and the door slid open on silent tracks. Quickly they piled inside and the door shut again, after Skyfire replaced the panel. He then input a code into the panel on this side of the door, and the indicator turned red again, locking the door. "Ok… we should be safe." He whispered softly. "Let's just check for any bugs…"

Mirage, who was observant in stealth did a quick analysis. "Was some in here a while ago, but nothing's active… seems Megatron liked watching his Second in Command…"

"He didn't trust him as far as he could throw him." Thundercracker agreed. "But to Starscream's credit, he did know how to re-route Megatron's own bugs against him."

"Intriguing." Skyfire said as he studied one of the hidden cameras that had been secured in a crease between panels. "He mounted a re-route to a display device here… playing a feedback signal."

"Figures. The watched knew he was being so, and rigged a way to teach his superior not to pry." Mirage chuckled. "I never respected how smart Starscream was until now."

"Oh you haven't seen anything yet." Thundercracker muttered, glancing around the room.

"Primus." Mirage said as he finally realized what a complete trashed mess the large chamber was. "What happened here?"

"Megatron threw a temper tantrum, looks like." Skywarp said cheerfully, leaning down to turn the recharge berth back upright.

"He trashed anything useful…" Skyfire muttered, taking in the dented walls, the smashed equipment and shattered data pads. "Probably read it all first… I'm not sure we'll find what we've come for…"

"No, if I knew Starscream as a young scientist, he would have taken precautious to protect the more important data somehow…" Skyfire murmured, staring around at the trashed room. He knelt down and began to sort through the broken glass and metal, looking for something. The others tried to look, but came up empty. There wasn't a single piece of equipment that was intact in this place, nothing whole, nothing unmarred. Even the walls had deep gouges and dents….

Gouges and dents… "Hey, Skyfire." Thundercracker suddenly said as a thought came to him. He approached the wall by Starscream's recharge berth and ran his fingers in some of the grooves cut there. They were cut in very specific patterns, he realized… these grooves weren't created by Megatron's wrath, but slender fingers… Seeker's fingers, spread wide. He opened his palm and pressed it into the grooves. It was of course a perfect fit, as he was the same model as his Air commander. There was a distant click of something unhitching, and Skyfire turned in time to see part of the wall panel near his elbow push out. He blinked at the seeker who simply grinned and shrugged. "Work with him long enough, you learn how he thinks too."

Skyfire smiled thinly, then with Skywarp's help pulled the panel off careful not to let it drop and cause a loud ruckus. They placed it aside then stepped back.

Sure enough, hidden behind several pipes and carefully constructed diversions, was a small lab tucked back hidden in the spare wall space between Starscream's room, and what appeared to be one of the fan circulation centers. Air flowed freely in the duct, and the small lab was rather noisy as a result, but the computer consoles that had been constructed there were hidden not only by the vibrations from the fan's movement, but the energy output from the generators nearby. No one would have known if a little extra power were going to the fans. The four moved into the room, replacing the panel to carefully cover their tracks, and crowded inside the small room. "Primus… he built this himself?" Mirage asked obviously even more impressed.

"He always was brilliant." Skyfire murmured. "I was confused when I found out he'd gone towards war rather than science… you can't just suppress a mind like his… it seemed he found a way to still have an output for his interests at least."

"Help me hook this up." Mirage said, pulling the small portable hard-drive from Skyfire's compartment as the large mech knelt next to the console, powering it up. The screens lit as Mirage connected the cables, but stopped at a prompt.

"Slag… what kind of password would he use?"

They sat there for what seemed like cycles trying different combinations. The screen blinked blithely at them at every wrong entry, making no sound as they expected from a hidden device. But it did irritate them to no end. "Ok… I'm run dry." Thundercracker said with a sigh, leaning back as his latest attempt failed. "I have no idea…"

"Come on, you shared his consciousness for a while you must have SOME idea…"

"Nope… tried 'em all."

"Let me try a few…" Skyfire said, giving it his best try. Unfortunately, his entries were no more accepted than Thundercracker's. "Iacon… no… Science… no… Gamma-142… no…"

"Have you tried Skyfire?"

"What the frag does it look like I'm doing?" The scientist sighed, giving Skywarp a long look that said he was trying to keep his patience.

"No…" The purple seeker said calmly, crossing his arms. "Try 'Skyfire' as a password."

The scientist blinked. "What?" he said blankly.

"Yeah, 'Warp might be on to something…" Thundercraker said, immediately intrigued. "This would be before he knew you were alive… you were important to him, reminded him of the scientist he wanted to be… Try it."

Skyfire shook his head bemused, but turned back to the console and carefully typed in his own name. They waited with baited breath, and then the console lit up with text. "Primus…. Starscream you sentimental sparkling…" He smiled lightly. "All right… let's see if we find what we're looking for." He began to go through the files. There were all kinds of logs, diagnostics, and files and files of musings and data. Rants, that were slightly amusing as they read the first few words mostly about Starscream's commander. However after many piles of data, Skyfire paused at a particular file and whistled low. "Well I'll be…"

"What?" Skywarp leaned in, optics wide. "Did you find it?"

"No… but I think we might want to download this." He pulled up the file and stared at what was displayed. "I do believe these are the schematics for his infamous null-rays."

"Primus… Ratchet would LOVE those…" Mirage murmured.

"He'll need them if he's going to rebuild them for him." Skyfire murmured, and marked the file for transfer before continuing. They didn't find anything else of immediate interest, until finally he paused and stared intently at the screen. "I think I found it." He pulled up the file, which was encrypted and seemed to take up most of the database. "It's big…. But I think it'll fit. This has to be it." He studied it carefully. "It's marked only as 'backup'. It could just be data he's backed up from his research, but considering that there doesn't seem to be much else here, I'm guessing this is what we're looking for."

"Let's do it then."

They gathered the data and carefully slipped back out of Starscream's hidden lab, closing it tightly back up in order to preserve anything they could from Megatron's clutches. Likely if he'd known they were in here, Starscream would have ordered them to trash the computer to keep it safe, but somehow doing that seemed like sacrilege to the 3 wing mates of their fallen commander, and Mirage wasn't about to do it himself. So far, it had been a smooth operation.

Unfortunately, their sparks nearly leapt out of their chambers when the four of them opened the door preparing to leave, only to find Soundwave standing right in the doorway, waiting for them.

"Oh frag." Skywarp whimpered.

Thundercracker tensed, knowing that right now they were in deep slag. There was NOTHING they could do to stop Soundwave from knowing exactly why they were here, with two Autobots nonetheless, and nothing stopping him from sounding the alarm.

Yet… it was eerily quiet.

No one moved for a time, until finally Thundercracker spoke up warily. "What are you doing here, Soundwave?"

"Question: illogical. Correct query: What are YOU doing here?" Was the monotone response, flat and expressionless as always.

"Um… reminiscing about old times?" Skywarp asked with nervous cheeriness. Soundwave didn't appear to acknowledge his attempt at humor.

"You haven't triggered the alarm." Thundercracker pointed out, glancing nervously over to Skyfire and Mirage, both who had death grips on their guns, pointed right at the Communications Officer. "Why?"

There was a long pause as the glowing red visor seemed to regard him more intently than the others, though it was nearly impossible to distinguish Soundwave's optics behind the glass. When he spoke, it might have been the Seeker's imagination, but it sounded as if he was being wary about his words. "Megatron's psyche: questionable. Leadership Ability: disqualified."

That floored them all. "Dude… you're telling us!" Skywarp said with an expunge from his vents, slapping a hand to his head. "He's sacked nearly half his troops! I'm surprised YOU'RE still around."

"Probably the only mech he trusts…" Thundercracker muttered. "He should trust you least, now that I think of it."

"Assumption: correct."

Everyone turned to stare at Soundwave again. "You're… ok now I'm confused." Skywarp muttered. "Are you HELPING us? Last I knew you're the one that fragged up our wing mate in the first place!"

Soundwave actually shifted on his feet in a rather uncomfortable pose. "Megatron's Leadership: unsuitable. Starscream's leadership: preferable. Initial assumption: incorrect."

"What about YOU leading?" Mirage asked suspiciously. "We always speculated you might be next in line. You or Shockwave."

"Shockwave: cut off from Decepticon forces. Soundwave: illogical."

"Interesting." Skyfire commented with an amused tone. "So you would rather follow than lead. I suppose I can understand that. Whatever your underlying goals, we appreciate your assistance in this matter."

"Dude, Skyfire… thanking Soundwave is a waste of air." Skywarp whispered. "He couldn't give a frag."

"Gratitude: unnecessary."

"See what I mean?"

"So what do YOU get out of this, Soundwave?" Mirage asked slowly. "Why help Starscream best Megatron? I thought you were loyal to him."

"Megatron: unstable. Decepticons: disorganized. Starscream: superior option."

"Now that's something I NEVER thought I'd hear from anyone, claiming Screamer was superior to anyone other than himself…"

"There's a first for everything."

"So what do you want from us then, if you're not going to turn us in?"

Soundwave regarded them stoically. "Suggestion: repair Starscream, replace Megatron."

"And you're going to help us with this?"

"Correct."

The four glanced at each other. Well… never look a gift horse in the mouth, as the humans put it. It was strange how you found unlikely allies in the most unusual places. With Soundwave's help they went completely undetected in and out of the Decepticon base without firing a single shot.


	20. Chapter 20: Revelations

**My Madness, My Saving Sanity**

_**Chapter Twenty: Revelations **_

_By: Nightelfcrawler_

_Author's note: While this is G1 based, I've made Starscream a blend of his G1 and Armada personalities just because I find the dichotomy of it fascinating. It takes place in no particular timeline, following no particular events. Also, please review politely. If you haven't something nice to say, keep it to yourself please. Also, I despise nitpicking, please don't make comments about grammar or single spelling mistakes. Enjoy the story, don't be picky._

_Further note: I have officially finished the story, so I'll be posting the chapters quicker now. Once done here, it's on to the How it Will Be story I've been working on. Anyone with ideas they might like to see, feel free to email them to me! I have the plot down, but I would welcome any input for things people might like implemented in the story._

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_

Ratchet mused as the screen lit up before him. There certainly WAS a lot of data here… now that it was un-encrypted, he could see just how MUCH of it there was, which did startle him a bit. "All right my slippery friend… let's see just what you've got in here that's so important to back up your whole life, shall we…" He connected the cables to the silent figure of the mech laying half-constructed on the table. He'd managed to create the skeletal frame and all the vital components, and was in the middle of installing the armor once more. This time, it was going faster, given he'd had to repair Starscream at least twice now. However, now that the data was ready, his curiosity was getting the best of him. Ratchet leaned back and watched the data flash over the screen as it transferred from the data file into the silent mech's CPU.

But as the data downloaded, Ratchet began to frown more and more at what he read. Unlike Skywarp, he could keep up with the flow of data and read it more in depth, and after a few moments he punched a button freezing the screen at one entry. "Now this isn't right…" He murmured quietly. "What are you playing at…?" He scrolled through the next several pages, frowning, then made his decision. "Prime? Better get down here. You'll want to take a look at this."

It wasn't long before the Autobot commander was at his side, studying the data with interest. "Are you certain this was all from the single data file?"

"Yes. This is some of the earlier entries…" Ratchet agreed frowning. "But it's not right… these aren't the memories of Starscream, but someone called Sunstar. It's also ancient… and I do mean ancient. This dates back… well… before our records do, Optimus."

The two were quiet as they read through a few entries, then Optimus spoke up quietly. "How many different mechs contributed to this?"

"Let's see…" Ratchet began to scan for names, and a list popped up. "Sunstar was the first… then there was Stormblast, Stealthstorm, Starfire…" He scanned the list. "It goes on and on, Optimus… at least twenty different mechs contributed to this file. Do you think this is a legacy from his creators?"

"…it could be." Optimus said slowly, though his voice sounded strange as he scanned the list. "Ratchet… I recall some of these names… The later few are listed in some of Cybertron's own history… I recall reading about some scientific accomplishments by these mechs… but they died ages before I was sparked, and likely before you were as well… with the exception of this one." His finger hovered over the last name before Starscream's was listed. "Nightstar. She was a femme… a very old femme. She taught at the Science Academy, if I recall. I seem to remember no one liked her very much, but all agreed she was brilliant. She had made many accomplishments."

"Yes… I recall meeting her once. Unpleasant femme, but she knew her stuff… went offline shortly after I started medical training, an accident in her lab I was told."

Optimus was silent for a long time, staring at the name with narrow optics. "Can you pull up the date of her death?"

"Certainly." Ratchet typed in the name to Teletran, and studied the date as it displayed. "Only a few mega-cycles before the start of the wars… why?"

"Can you pull up Starscream's creation date from the data?"

"Probably…" Ratchet ran a scan into the data, and studied the information, records and log files, journals of a young mech growing up, stored there with everything else. Starscream was nothing if thorough… "Judging from his first few entries here, he would have been sparked around the same date."

"I thought so…" Optimus said softly. "Ratchet, you mentioned his spark was unique."

"Yes…?" Ratchet frowned. "Why?"

Optimus pinched his nose plates slightly and sighed. "I do believe I am about to regret saying this… as ironic as it seems…" His optics opened as he studied the dates displayed before them. "There is an old tale passed down among Primes… something that I never took seriously… but I begin to wonder if there might be some truth to it." His optics shifted back to Ratchet. "The legend of the immortal spark."

"Immortal spark?" Ratchet blinked. "I've heard sparkling tales of that… a mech whose spark cannot be extinguished under any circumstance… cursed or blessed to pass their energy from one body to the next for eternity…" He snorted. "You're saying STARSCREAM has such a spark?"

"It's possible. I've never seen any images of what it could look like, however it was always said to look physically different… it was said that the spark came directly from Primus, an offshoot from his very life-force, a part of him…unique and unable to be doused or stopped from it's course…."

"This could just be records from his creators passed on to him. I've seen this many times…"

"This thorough?" Optimus asked quietly, staring at the medic with a critical gaze. "These kinds of records this detailed could only have been imprinted upon the spark and then carefully recorded each lifetime. Data gathered, stored and passed on. I've heard the Immortal Spark remembers everything."

"Then why does he lose his memory after severe injuries?"

"It could be a defect with his physical build, not his spark."

"Then theoretically this data would come back without uploading it?"

"I don't profess to know the mechanics, but theoretically as this is a new fresh body… yes."

Ratchet shook his head. "I still can't believe that… He could have just meticulously recorded information and uploaded it for his own reference… it's Starscream. He's obsessive."

"True… but that doesn't explain why his spark is different."

"It could be just a mutation…"

"Possible… however I would like to test it."

"What?" Ratchet stared at his commander with a look of shock. "Just HOW do you wish to test it?"

"You can stabilize a spark if it loses power for a short time, correct? It is not an instant process?"

"Well, yes…. A spark can exist for a few minutes without energy on it's own, but after that… Optimus, it's putting his life at risk!"

"I realize that." Optimus said seriously. "But I have faith in your abilities. If you tell me you cannot safely restore him once we notice his spark losing stability, I will not pursue this."

Ratchet frowned, staring at the spark floating in the transparent casing he'd built for it, force-field glimmering with light as it pulsed lazily. Starscream looked content, as if he were simply taking a vacation within the small crystalline prism. "I can do it." He finally admitted with a sigh. He hated to lie in order to protect a life from risk, and he had to admit he was curious about the situation. On the other hand, he was concerned nonetheless that something might go horribly wrong and they'd be responsible for a life. "You'd better be right, though…"

"I hope I am…" Optimus murmured.

Ratchet approached the containment chamber and began to prepare to shut it down, powering the back-up system for a quick cable change as needed. After moments of silence he turned to his commander, and nodded. Optimus watched as Ratchet cut the power. The force-field shut down, and the hum of power died off into silence.

For the longest moment, nothing happened.

Then, the spark began to flicker brighter, as if panicked by what was going on. Immediately, it shot forward, and ran into the crystalline surface that still kept it contained and was forced back as it couldn't pass through the thick crystal walls. Normally crystal was conductive to energy, even spark energy, but this rare ironically charged variety instead repulsed energy, keeping it within it's hollow surfaced once charged. The charge didn't wear off for some time, thus the spark was trapped within. It flickered faster, but did not dim… instead, it seemed to brighten, as if waking.

The power had been off for five minutes now.

"Primus…" Ratchet whispered quietly. "I don't believe it…"

Optimus smiled faintly and shook his head. "It is quite impressive. I nearly didn't believe it was possible myself, but it seems our stubborn friend has just disproved our doubts…."

"What does this mean then… his spark chamber was crushed, he still survived… he truly cannot die?"

"I'm not certain… But the legends say it is true immortality, the spark cannot disperse it's energy, nor decay. I'm not about to test the various ways a spark can be extinguished just to see if he can live through it. But this does answer some questions… if he truly did actually LIVE these lives… it would make sense he would record all the information he could, it explains why he's so intelligent… he has knowledge passed down from previous lives."

"I wonder if he knew all this, though." Ratchet mused. "For all we know, he's got the data but never actually knew where it came from, just kept up the record like his predecessors. He didn't seem to be aware of his spark's unique properties."

"It's possible he found out or had suspicions and chose to wipe that data to keep from dwelling on it, or perhaps that he was never aware of the unique properties of his spark at all, as you say." Optimus studied the pulsing spark in the crystal with a thoughtful look. "Nonetheless, if this is true… it means that he has a very important legacy."

"You think this is significant?"

"I'm not certain. I suppose the only thing we can do is ask Starscream himself. Who knows what secrets he's been hiding, knowing this…"

"I've asked Skywarp and Thundercracker to create files of their memories from the past several months so that when he wakes he won't revert to the Starscream we all were familiar with before his downfall. Nothing worse than to have the Decepticon part of him rearing it's ugly head all over again."

"Take precautions just in case." Optimus warned. "I will want to speak with him the moment he awakes."

"I can arrange for you to have some solo time with him when I revive him. I think it's important we find out more about this before allowing him back on his feet and to speak with his comrades. There's no telling what his mental state could be like when he wakes. After all, despite the memories Thundercracker, Skywarp and Skyfire gave me from their own data files, he's going to revert to the old Decepticon we both well know."

"Good point. Make sure his weapons are disabled before you re-activate him."

"Already done."


	21. Chapter 21: Awakening

**My Madness, My Saving Sanity**

_**Chapter Twenty One: Awakening **_

_By: Nightelfcrawler_

_Author's note: While this is G1 based, I've made Starscream a blend of his G1 and Armada personalities just because I find the dichotomy of it fascinating. It takes place in no particular timeline, following no particular events. Also, please review politely. If you haven't something nice to say, keep it to yourself please. Also, I despise nitpicking, please don't make comments about grammar or single spelling mistakes. Enjoy the story, don't be picky._

_Further note: I have officially finished the story, so I'll be posting the chapters quicker now. Once done here, it's on to the How it Will Be story I've been working on. Anyone with ideas they might like to see, feel free to email them to me! I have the plot down, but I would welcome any input for things people might like implemented in the story._

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_

It was silent in the medical ward when Starscream's optics finally flickered from dim to light. White light lit up behind blue optics before they faded to a calm azure. To the side, Optimus watched the mech in silence, as his optics flickered rapidly while he processed the data files waiting for him to access. After several long moments, his optics blazed back to full power again and snapped about the room with sharp deliberate movements. Then with swift accuracy, his optics snapped to focus on Optimus, and narrowed. "You…" He hissed in a dark tone, his voice smooth and without the scratchy damage they were used to hearing from him. Even his own voice seemed to briefly startle the awoken Air Commander as he paused blinking with some surprise as the information didn't compute with his standard memory files.

"Before you let loose a stream of curses in my direction…" Optimus said calmly, a smile tugging his faceplate behind the ever-present battle mask. "…you might want to access the files from your wing mates. You will find they're encrypted with protocols Autobots are not familiar with."

Starscream's gaze sharpened even more, warily watching him with distaste. "Why should I trust you, Prime? Why am I even HERE!?"

"The files will explain, I assure you." Optimus said patiently.

Starscream glared fiercely at him, but his optics dimmed as he checked his data files for the referenced packets left by his wing mates. After a moment, a small frown crossed his features, and his optics dimmed further as he began to access the data that he clearly had confirmed had not been tampered with by the Autobots. Optimus watched as Starscream's carefully composed face twitched a bit as he assessed the data, read through it, absorbed it. It took some time, assumedly for him to think over the information before re-addressing his 'captor', but eventually Starscream's optics brightened again, to stare at Optimus with a deeply thoughtful, and slightly less challenging expression. The suspicion was still there, however. "How do I know this isn't a trick of some sorts. Bah, befriending Autobots, working WITH you… it's all very fictional."

"You would doubt the testimony given by your wing mates?" Optimus lifted an optic ridge.

"They are ignorant fools who…" Starscream stopped mid-sentence and abruptly winced, optics flickering with obvious surprise as they roamed wildly around the room. "What…?" He whispered in a sudden complete change of behavior, optics widening as communications were clearly being passed in silence from those 'ignorant fools'.

"I think it best I let them catch you up first." Optimus murmured, turning as the door slid open, revealing two cross looking mechs, and one smiling large 'dead' mech. He quickly slipped out only after catching the rather amusing expression of shock and confusion on Starscream's facial plates as Thundercrakcer, Skywarp and Skyfire walked in. This was going to be one interesting 'catch-up', but it was not his place to be there for it. He waited patiently in his office while the trine reconnected, and went over all the events of the past several months with their memory deprived commander.

A few hours later, he got a com summons from Thundercracker. _"We've finished with him. Better come in now while he's docile."_

Optimus found 'docile' was probably the best way to describe Starscream. He was laying on the table, frowning with a vacant expression in his optics. Granted, it was a LOT to take in, especially with no physical memories to back it up, but given the obvious fact Skyfire was there to prove their words, it seemed he had at least accepted most of their story to a point. However, as the Autobot commander entered the med bay, Starscream's gaze focused on him with some sharp suspicion, but remained silent. "I take it your wing mates caught you up-to-date?" Optimus said mildly, studying the defiant expression as it returned.

"Their tale is quite… unique." Starscream muttered, reluctantly.

"Can I at least continue on the assumption you believe it to be true?"

Starscream let out a frustrated sigh through his vents, his expression turning irritated. "I have little choice."

Optimus smiled quietly, taking a seat on Ratchet's rolling chair. "Very well then. Let us continue our conversation then."

"Wonderful." Was the dry response.

"I must first congratulate you on your miraculous recovery." Optimus smiled a little behind his mask seeing Starscream's optic ridges twitch. "That in itself is an amazing feat."

"I am STILL a bit confused over how I managed that." Starscream muttered. "My wing mates were NOT of much help in that regard. They kept mentioning 'talking' to my spark…" He rolled his optics in frustration. "Would you MIND telling me in more depth just how they were able to do that?"

Optimus frowned. "You don't remember anything I take it?"

"Aside from the memories provided from my wing mates points of view, which were not exactly very enlightening, the rest of it reads like a bad story. I mean, getting my aft handed to me by Megatron is not an extraordinary occurrence, however the rest of it…" he made a face. "…buddy-buddy with the science geeks, chatting it up with a human, surviving in spark-form after being disintegrated…" His cheeky attitude died down a little as he frowned. Optimus wondered just how much Starscream remembered of being a non-corporeal being of energy disembodied from any physical form. It seemed he might remember more than he let on, but was holding it back. "It's all a bit out there, if you ask me."

"Nonetheless…" Optimus said softly. "It is the truth of the matter. Surely Skyfire's presence proves even that."

Starscream's face twisted into a confused mesh of expressions not usually found on his face. "…so it does." He finally admitted grudgingly. "There's little I can do to discount what they show me when the proof is standing right there."

"So we shall operate on the assumption you accept it as the truth." Starscream just made a disgusted face, but didn't deny his suggestion. "Then I have several things I would like to go over with you, namely related to your miraculous survival."

Starscream's face sobered. "Yes… about that." He murmured. "I must admit my faculties are run dry attempting to figure THAT little tidbit out."

"Thundercracker and Skywarp informed me that you've suffered serious injuries in the past that required you to update your CPU with the data you'd stored…"

Starscream made a face, his optics lifted, suddenly flat and unemotional. "Indeed. Megatron has always been renowned for his temper. I learned quickly that he took it out on those closest to him in order to keep them in line. After the first few attempts, I decided it was wise to start backing up data just in case. It was fortunate I did so. Not more than a few cycles later it came in very handy." He smirked a bit. "The hardest part was actually remembering where I'd backed up the data."

"I can imagine." Optimus mused. "However I do have one question." His optics studied the restrained mech intently. "Were you not aware of your spark's unusual properties?"

"Unusual properties?" Starscream mocked. "Come on Prime. Just spit it out. I'm a freak."

"That wouldn't be my choice of words." Optimus chided slightly. "Unique would be better."

"Humph." Starscream just looked away with a disgusted look. "Say what you will. It explains much of the unsolved mysteries of my life."

"What would you think is the cause?"

Optimus could see the scientist half of him start to grab hold of the situation, analyzing it as Starscream thought it over. "A mutation perhaps. I've heard of such things happening. Usually it's NOT a good thing. In my case however…" He frowned. "It seems to have been a boon more than once. There have been times in the past I suspected something but never acted upon it. And there was that deal with Skywarp…" His optics snapped up to stare intently at Optimus. "You have your own idea about such a thing, don't you?"

"I believe I may have the answer for you… however, you might not like the results."

Starscream scowled. "I would rather know the truth than constantly wonder about why I am a freak of nature." The ferocity in his gaze was bordered with something akin to anguish.

Optimus sighed. "You are not a freak of nature, Starscream… rather, you are a very rare and unique individual." The Seeker snorted in mirth at that. "I am being truthful." Optimus said firmly, staring directly into the flier's optics. "Through history there have been rumors of one spark that has unique properties… I did not realize it was truth until meeting you, but now I believe you are this individual that every Prime learns of, and learns to watch for…" Starscream's optics were now staring at him with unhidden curiosity, as well as slight hostility at not being sure what he was talking about. Prime however was not about to keep him in suspense for any cruel length of time. "It is my belief that you hold the an indestructible spark within you… that this spark passes down through generations remembering the lives of it's previous incarnations, and cannot be destroyed by any means."

Starscream's mouth fell open as his optics widened at the news, obviously not having been expecting that information. He sat there in silence for a moment, mouth opening and closing until he finally shut it once more, his jaw setting. "You are speaking about immortality."

"Indeed." Optimus said softly. "And if we consider this, I believe it might explain a few things. Let us consider what we know… you stated yourself that you have survived serious injuries and been unable to explain it. This time, as you know, the result was disintegration of your body, yet your spark found another vessel to survive within."

Starscream's lips smirked slightly. "Thundercracker omitted that from his report… Skywarp did not. Apparently he found it more than adequate entertainment."

"I admit, it was eerily disconcerting to see your wing mate behaving like you." Optimus admitted with a small chuckle. "Thundercracker wasn't amused."

"I'm certain he was not."

"Nonetheless, we now know your spark can survive on it's own without an energy source… Ratchet performed a few tests. You can self-sustain without any outside interaction. This is a significant discovery. It might also explain why you were able to link with your wing mates, and why the three of you can sustain one another's' lives. Ratchet surmised that the reason you were able to save Skywarp's life was this bond you share, linking their sparks to yours… and if your spark truly is special in this way, it might explain your ability to perform this miraculous healing."

Starscream's brow was furrowed, thinking over the explanation presented to him. "It makes sense." He said solemnly, optics narrowed in thought. "Any bond linking to a spark possessing unique abilities would transfer some of those abilities through the shared link… it's simple physics." His optics hesitantly lifted to stare at Optimus warily. "But to accept that theory, I must then assume you're telling me that my spark is immortal."

"From what Ratchet and I can surmise, that is the truth." Optimus said quietly. "Megatron crushed your spark chamber… you survived. That in itself is strong proof, but the ability to survive without power sustaining your spark cinches it for me. What I know of the legends holds true to what we've seen here…"

Starscream snorted, leaning back against the berth with a wry expression on his face. "I find this both ironic and amusing… ME, of all people…" His optics narrowed abruptly. "Does this mean I cannot die?"

Optimus sighed slightly. "No, I do believe you can 'die', in the fact that your body can be destroyed and some memories as well. But your spark itself might find another place to rest… the memories of your past lives imprinted themselves on your spark, thus this is how your 'data' was carried over through time from your various incarnations, it makes sense something of your own present self could possibly do the same thing."

"Well, that's one option I never considered." Starscream admitted wryly, optics shuttering.

Optimus studied the flier with some thought. Overall he was taking it quite well, but then it appeared he had suspected bits and pieces most of his life, and was merely content to have finally found the answer he'd been unconsciously seeking. They were called Seekers for a reason… each for their own unique varieties. "Starscream…" The flier glanced at him, still seeming worn down. "I realize how much of a burden this can be, but I must point out that you obviously are not alone to bear it. It's incredibly fascinating that you are able to persevere through this, even Megatron will not expect you to return now."

"Oh won't he be surprised." Was the wry answer, the air commander's lips curling into a smirk. "I'm almost tempted to dare him to do it again."

"Please don't." Came a cross voice from the doorway, both of them turning their heads to see Ratchet glaring his way. "I spent cycles of hard work to get you back up on your feet, you ungrateful lout. The least you can do is show a little gratitude." He leaned forward and released the bindings holding the seeker to the bench, allowing Starscream to sit up at last.

"Thank you." Starscream drawled out sarcastically, leaning back on the berth lazily, flexing his fingers. "Though I must say, I feel like a whole new mech."

"You ARE a whole new mech…again." Ratchet growled. "Now, you're perfectly functional, get out. And by Primus' sake, if you destroy ANOTHER body, I'll kill you myself… or at least keep your spark in a jar on my workbench."

"My, my, short temper much?" Starscream muttered, but slid off the bunk smoothly rising to his feet and turning to face Optimus who stood to the side. "We should talk." He said firmly, blue optics hard and unmoving from the Autobot Commanders'.

"Very well. My office then." Optimus turned and led the way down the corridor.

They didn't get far.

The moment the doors slid open, no less than twenty mechs scrambled back from the hallway, guilty looks on their faces. Skywarp and Thundercracker were half grasping onto Skyfire's arms for support as everyone scrambled backwards. Optimus sighed slightly and fixed them all with a stare. "What is going on here?"

No one answered. Dozens of guilty optics slid anywhere but their commander's face.

"My, my…" Starscream said in a bold sarcastic voice. "How sentimental. Don't tell me all the Autoscum are WORRIED about me?"

"Hell no. We were just taking bets on whether you'd start shooting at us." Sunstreaker spat out with a smirk, crossing his arms over his chest.

Starscream's arm twitched. "I could indulge you, if you'd prefer."

"Er, no. I'm good."

Starscream's optics slid off the vain autobot to fix his three friends with a pointed look. "And what's your excuse?"

"Erm…" Skywarp looked as if he'd been caught with his hand in the high-grade. "I got nothin'…"

"I'm touched."

"He's just saying he missed you." Skyfire said gently, smiling down at the red and white mech. "You should have seen these two…. Pacing like sparklings lost without you."

"It's just good to have you back in your own body." Thundercracker said, rolling his optics. "I'd heard of getting close to your team, but you crossed the line. If I'm ever that close to you again, it'll be too soon."

"I'm sure had I been conscious, I would have been just as disgusted." Starscream reassured him with a snort. "Nonetheless, I seem to be in one piece… again."

"Yeah about that…"

"Later." Starscream said with a wave of his hand pushing past his wing mates with a rough shoulder-push. "I have business to attend to first."

"Business?" Skywarp looked floored, staring at him suspiciously. "You just woke up from being dead… again. And you've got BUSINESS?"

"Indeed he does." Optimus rumbled, a smirk tickling his optics, a bit disappointed at having to interrupt their close reunion.

"With him?!" Skywarp said huffily looking insulted. "You're going to hang out with Autobots before you hang out with your own brothers?!"

"Since when have you professed to being my sibling?"

"Er…"

"Don't answer that, 'Warp. It's a trick."

"Primus…" Starscream sighed and then turned to glare at the rest of the gathered mechs. "And what's THEIR excuse?"

"We just couldn't believe that YOU of all mechs, just won't die." Ironhide drawled lazily, smirking right back at the air commander. "Of course, it does explain a few things."

"Uh huh." Starscream said dryly, eyeing him like he expected to be required to dodge an attack. "How touching. Now move it, I have business to discuss with Optimus." He barged past the crowd, leaving stunned mechs in his wake as Optimus followed him.

"Dude… TC….?"

"Yeah 'Warp?"

"He just called him Optimus… not Autoscum, not Prime, not something derogatory…"

"Yeah. I know."

"That is so wrong."


	22. Chapter 22: The Plot

**My Madness, My Saving Sanity**

_**Chapter Twenty Two: The Plot **_

_By: Nightelfcrawler_

_Author's note: While this is G1 based, I've made Starscream a blend of his G1 and Armada personalities just because I find the dichotomy of it fascinating. It takes place in no particular timeline, following no particular events. Also, please review politely. If you haven't something nice to say, keep it to yourself please. Also, I despise nitpicking, please don't make comments about grammar or single spelling mistakes. Enjoy the story, don't be picky._

_Further note: I have officially finished the story, so I'll be posting the chapters quicker now. Once done here, it's on to the How it Will Be story I've been working on. Anyone with ideas they might like to see, feel free to email them to me! I have the plot down, but I would welcome any input for things people might like implemented in the story._

_- - - - - - -  
_

"What's on your mind, Starscream?" Optimus said as they finally reached the privacy of his office.

The air commander simply strode straight over towards the windows adorning the Autobot Commanders' sanctuary. He stopped to stare outside admiring the bright daylight illuminating the desert scenery. When he spoke, it was in a lower more reserved tone. "This whole… experience… has given me some perspective on my goals in life."

"Has it now." Optimus said quietly, choosing to sit down in his chair, regarding Starscream quietly. "In what way exactly?"

Starscream was silent for a while, his brow furrowed as he stared up at the sky with an unreadable expression. Then abruptly he turned, optics boring into Optimus' own. "We spoke before of my goals, as my wing mates relate to me. Those have not changed. However, they have strengthened. More than ever now, I wish to put a stop to Megatron once and for all. In order to do that, I realize now that I have to put aside any differences we've had in the past, so we can work together." His optics burned more intensely with a sharp azure flame. "I've waffled on doing this for some time now, but I'm ready. Will you accept my squad in your forces as an independent faction working with you?"

If Optimus showed any disappointment, he hid it well. "You still do not wish to join our fation?"

Starscream snorted. "Optimus, as much as I respect you as a leader, I know you also respect me as a warrior." He folded his arms over his chest, null-rays standing out even more with that motion. "There is no way I can ever work under someone ever again, not after my experience with Megatron. I was his second-in-command, and I cannot go back to being some underling with others overseeing me, nor can I allow myself to be ordered around. I will lead my wing mates under your umbrella as long as our goals co-incide, because to be frank we need each other. I know things that you cannot possibly know about the Decepticons, my bretheren and I are the top elite warriors that Megatron had at his command, no longer. Our services will extend to the Autobots so long as our goals meld. After that however…" He trailed off thoughtfully. "…I cannot say, however I can at least tell you I have no desire to fight against any of you again." He shook his head darkly, optics cool. "I can never be an Autobot. Our ideals just don't mesh. But we can work together, so long as you recognize me as an equal leader of an allied faction."

"That I believe I can do." Optimus said weaving his fingers together over his desk. "I have seen you lead your team into battles both before you joined our side and after. I can understand your desire to lead your own group, and given how both my team and yours co-operate, I think it's a better idea for you to lead them and not be forced to issue or obey orders from our own ranks. However…" He leaned forward, optics intense. "I also know of your impulsiveness. I warn you, if you do anything to endanger the lives of any of my men, then our allied forces might be in danger of being dissolved."

Starsream smirked at that. "That I believe I can do."

- - - - - - -

"So… we're not gonna have to become Autobots?"

"Not in the slightest."

"Sweet." Skywarp leaned back, kicking his chair off it's front legs to lean against the wall, lifting his high-grade above his head. "I'll drink to that."

"One thing I don't get though." Thundercracker said, slowly sipping his own drink. "If you've got this immortal spark thing, what the pit does that mean for us?"

"Worried?" Starscream asked dryly, swirling his cube as he stared into it distantly, a small smirk on his lips.

"Well… worry isn't really the best word. Concerned more like it. I think this explains how we saved 'Warp's life… but if you can't die, and our sparks are linked to you, does that mean WE'RE immortal too?"

Starscream's optics snapped upwards. "Primus help us all if I'm stuck with you two frag-heads for eternity."

Thundercracker sighed and shook his head. "So… all these past lives were carried with the spark? I don't get that, sparks can't store memories right?"

"It can, but it's difficult. Spark imprinting is very specific." Skyfire offered. "It makes sense that only certain critical data would carry over, not individual day to day memories. Some mechs can carry over strong memories with their spark, remembering things that were recalled after being transplanted into a new body, even with a destroyed CPU."

"Dude… that makes you REALLY old…!"

Starscream shot Skywarp a scathing look. "Yes 'Warp. I'm as ancient as Primus."

"Well you always had dillusions of grandure, I suppose now we know it wasn't really dillusions. After all this time thinking you were God, now we find out YOU WERE RIGHT!" He slapped a fist to his head.

"No, they were still dillusions…" Thundercracker grinned. "…just cause he's too stubborn to die doesn't make him a god."

Starscream merely snorted and rolled his optics. "No, it just means you can never be rid of me."

"Primus help us all!"

The group chuckled amongst themselves, enjoying their beverages. "So…" Skywarp said after a long moment of silence. "What are we going to do now that we're um.. partnering with the Autosc—er… bots."

"Simple." Starscream said, and in one smooth gulp downed the rest of his drink. "…we take Megatron down once and for all."

The three glanced uncertainly at each other. "Yeah. Like we haven't heard that before."

Starscream just glared darkly at Skywarp who buried his optics in his drink before he could be chewed out further. Thundercracker just shook his head, letting Skyfire be the voice of reason. "You have a horrible track record on trying to do away with him, as I hear. How do you plan to do this?"

Starscream studied his empty cube for a moment before he spoke slowly and deliberately. "You're telling me that SOUNDWAVE out of all mechs… helped you retrieve my backup data simply due to the fact he doesn't want Megatron in control anymore?"

"Yup."

"Seems that way."

Starscream frowned. "I don't understand that. Soundwave has never been anything BUT loyal to Megatron, then suddenly he's kissing MY ass?"

"Seems like it." Skywarp downed a shot of high-grade with a wide grin. "You wanted to be LORD of the Decepticons, don't turn it down."

"I want it on my own terms." Starscream muttered, running a thumb along the top of his drink. "I have never and will never trust Soundwave. He's so straight that he's crooked. You can't trust him. He always has his own adgenda. He's been loyal to Megatron simply because he was the strongest leader to follow, the most powerful to respect. Soundwave's never been a leader, he's always a follower. But he always has his own reasons… he craves power behind the scenes."

"Who cares what his adgenda is. If he's willing to help us take down Meggy, let's use him."

"There's no USING Soundwave. He uses us." Starscream pointed out, grimacing. "The moment we finish the job, IF we finish the job, he'll turn on us and take us out."

"Somehow I don't think so." Thundercracker mused, thoughtfully staring into his own drink. "Soundwave may have an adgenda, but he's always been honest to a fault. He said specifically he thought you were a better leader than Megatron. He also said he'd help us take him out. Let's not worry about what he plans afterwards, let's just take advantage of the fact that he's willing to help us."

"You frankly can't trust any of 'em anyway. But what other chance are we going to get? We wanna take him down anyway, right?"

"Most definitely." Starscream's fist tightened around his glass as his gaze narrowed.

"So… let's use this to our advantage. How often are you going to get a telepath with a whole army of cassettes and Megatron's complete trust to just offer his help to you?" Thundercracker leaned forward, optics bright. "Besides… he already said that Megatron's not operating on all six cylinders anymore, if you know what I mean…"

Starscream smiled slowly. "So we use that to our advantage… and Soundwave covers our tracks."

"Exactly."

Starscream stood up. "Then let's get started."

- - - - - -

Two pair of resentful optics were glaring at him. One pair was watching him with amusement. "You've GOT to be joking." Thundercracker said dryly, glaring darkly at his wing commander. "You've lost it, you know that? There's no WAY this will work."

"I actually think the plan is quite brilliant." Skyfire murmered. "And I think it's crazy enough that it might just work."

"Says the mech who doesn't have to put his life on the line." Skywarp muttered. "You do realize if I'm found out, I'm toast, right?"

Starscream merely smirked smugly and shoved a bucket of white paint at him. "Stop bitching and get painting."

Skywarp muttered something that no doubt was not for his commanders ears, dunked the brush into the paint and slapped it right across Starscream's face, optics and all.

"HEY!"

The coughing sputter of protest sprayed white paint across his dark chassis, but Skywarp just smirked. "Serves you right, glitch."

"Turn around so he won't be tempted." Thundercracker advised, lifting his bucket of white paint and getting to work on the backside of Starscream's wings. "You do realize that this is going to be much more tedious to re-do all the pinstriping later?"

"I'll worry about that when the time comes."

"At least it doesn't completely cover it up." Skyfire mused, watching from the side as the two seekers worked hard to paint their commander all white. "It should be there enough to still see, giving it the effect you're looking for."

"That's the plan. And it'll wash off in a few weeks." Starscream grunted, as he fought to stay still against the tickling bristles brushing at his wings. "I'm not idiodic enough to permanently give myself an angelic look."

"Primus only knows you're a wolf in sheeps' clothing."

"Up your exhaust."

"But honestly… you really think this plan will work out?" Thundercracker paused in his work to meet optics with his commander as Starscream wiped white paint off his crystal facits with his thumb. "I mean… you've had some good plans in the past and they've never come through, what makes you think this one will work?"

Starscream rolled his optics. "Really… you have to ask? The reason my plans failed in the past is because I had ignorant idiots following my instructions, who then decided they didn't agree with the plan and jumped ship before it could be finished!" An annoyed glare crossed Starscream's face. "Now… and I know I will regret saying this, I have mindlessly loyal drones who will do ANYTHING for their commander, even if they don't agree with his plans…. And they're at my full disposal." An almost feral grin passed over Starscream's facial plates as his lips grimaced into a smirk. "These Autobots follow orders. They will not deviate from the plan, unlike the Decepticon fools. This will work, for that reason alone."

"As much as I hate to agree with him…" Skywarp snickered. "I have to say he's right there. The others ARE idiots."

"Says the pot…"

"Huh?"

"Point made."

"Starscream?" Wheeljack's familiar face poked around the corner of the hallway into the storage room where the four fliers were situated.

"Bit busy right now, 'Jack. What is it?" Starscream called over his shoulder as the two seekers paused, paintbrushes in hand to stare at the intruding inventor.

"Oh, just letting you know that the initial prototype is finished. I've tested it out, and it appears sound. We'll give it a full test, and if it works we'll get to work cloning it."

"Excellent." Starscream grinned even more widely, blue optics glinting with sinister glee. "Megatron will have NO clue what hit him until it's too late."


	23. Chapter 23: Revenge is a Dish Best

**My Madness, My Saving Sanity**

_**Chapter Twenty Three: Insanity is a Dish Best Served... **_

_By: Nightelfcrawler_

_Author's note: While this is G1 based, I've made Starscream a blend of his G1 and Armada personalities just because I find the dichotomy of it fascinating. It takes place in no particular timeline, following no particular events. Also, please review politely. If you haven't something nice to say, keep it to yourself please. Also, I despise nitpicking, please don't make comments about grammar or single spelling mistakes. Enjoy the story, don't be picky._

_Further note: I have officially finished the story, so I'll be posting the chapters quicker now. Once done here, it's on to the How it Will Be story I've been working on. Anyone with ideas they might like to see, feel free to email them to me! I have the plot down, but I would welcome any input for things people might like implemented in the story._

_

* * *

  
_

The door buzzed loudly.

Normally anyone who dared interrupt Megatron's recharge cycle often ended up in the medical bay with a hole in their chassis.

Fortunate for the unwitting interrupter, Megatron was actually in a fairly GOOD mood today. He swung himself off of his recharge berth and smirked at the sight of a little trinket mounted on his wall. Sure, it wasn't the original working model, but the discarded null-ray he'd found in Starscream's quarters was more than enough to constantly remind him of his success.

FINALLY the little glitch was gone. Dead. Deactivated. Dust.

This put him in a VERY good mood.

He reached the door and pressed his palm to the release, the door sliding open on nearly silent hydraulics to reveal the face of his new Second in Command staring at him. "What brings you hear at this hour, Soundwave?" Megatron mused, studying the placid face of the Communications Officer. It was impossible as always to read him. Honestly, he wasn't sure why he tried anymore. Either way, knowing that Soundwave was here didn't dampen his mood. He was the ONE mech he could trust implicitly. He had always been his loyal soldier.

"Megatron's presence requested in control."

He sighed. Wonderful. The one down side to having a completely loyal minion was that he would wake him for the smallest thing. "Can't it wait?"

"Negative."

"Fine. Let's make it quick then." His good mood was beginning to wear off knowing he was being deprived of much needed recharge. As of late, previous to Starscreams' untimely demise, he had not been resting well. The troublesome seeker could be blamed for that, naturally. He was out of the picture now, but somehow it hadn't assisted him in gaining more recharge, though it had eased his restless mind a bit. The men had noticed. He couldn't say he was pleased with the fact they had noticed he was in a better mood, but as long as it helped keep them in line knowing their leader was satisfied, he supposed it couldn't read as being a weakness. Nonetheless, he couldn't give a flying slag what the others thought as long as they knew their place.

He didn't need to make an example out of another rebellious fraghead. That was the last thing he needed.

Soundwave led the way in silence, as usual. He never had been one for conversation, odd considering his unique gift for poking his thoughts into other mech's minds. Megatron smirked as Soundwave's head tilted slightly so his visored optics likely could regard him. Oh yes, always listening, always observant. It just meant HE didn't have to be as vigilant.

This is perhaps why he never felt the slight tap at the base of his neck right where the blind spot in mirrors would be; right where he'd never notice the small camouflaged silver disk that blended in perfectly with his natural paint color.

The two Decepticons rounded the corner heading to the control room, and as they did so, Soundwave's optics shifted behind his visor to regard the very slight distortion against the wall where Mirage and Skywarp crouched hidden from view.

_Jumper to Loudmouth. Plan set in motion. Flip the switch._

- - - - -

Typical of Soundwave, the importance of his presence in the control room had been less than critical. He'd nearly told the Communications Officer what he could do with himself before stalking back to his quarters, sufficiently irritated. Sometimes he regretted his decision to make that mech his second. He was entirely TOO thorough where Starscream had been the opposite, only informing him of important things when he felt it was needed. He supposed given the choice, he'd rather know more than less. Still, it irritated him to no end to have to micromanage the mech.

The door slid shut behind him as he entered his quarters and only half-heartedly glanced at the sensor to ensure no one had entered his room. If Starscream had taught him anything, and he was very grudging to admit this at all even to himself, he had taught him to constantly watch his back. Never trust anyone, and make sure your room was your sanctuary. Thankfully no one had entered his room, as the security perimeter remained inert. He smirked and sank back onto his recharge berth and lay down, shuttering his optics and cycling his vents with a satisfied sigh.

Finally, some peace and quiet.

Oh, but it wasn't to last.

Not nearly five minutes into his rest cycle, something clattered.

Megatron's optics on-lined within a nano-second, and scanned the room intently without moving from his bunk. There appeared to be no one there. So then what had clattered? He saw nothing out of the ordinary, nothing had fallen to the floor as he kept his room very sparse and clean. There was nothing TO fall. Perhaps it had just been a creaking wall-board, but then Megatron had not gotten where he was by ignoring simple noises that might have been nothing.

"Where are you?" He said out loud, sitting up to stare intently around the room. Someone was here, he had that uncanny feeling of being WATCHED. He also knew that not all mechs were created equal. Some had abilities that made it very irritating to keep track of them, after all. "Show yourself glitch, and I might spare you unnecessary agony."

"Oh, I'm shaking in my thrusters." Came a very familiar hiss in his ear.

Megatron visibly jumped. This was something rare in itself as NO one took the Decepticon leader by surprise. Nonetheless, the hauntingly familiar voice of his former and supposedly DEAD second in command took him by surprise. He whirled about so fast that his gun slammed into the wall as he attempted to figure out just WHERE the seeker was hiding.

But there was no one there.

Megatron swore loudly, stumbling to the center of the room and slamming his fist into the security scan console. Immediately the room plunged into darkness before violet light flooded the small chamber to identify any hidden devices he hadn't personally sprayed with a compound that would not glow under this light.

Nothing.

Not entirely true, the Null Ray on his wall hadn't been sprayed. He'd not thought it necessary to do so, given the demise of his former second in command. Now, he began to idly wonder if it had been a wise decision. Slowly, he made his way over to the device and plucked it from it's mount, turning it over to critically inspect it. No energy signatures at all emanated from it. He glanced around the room, scanning for energy signatures.

Nothing.

So where had the voice come from?

Megatron frowned. Perhaps it had been overactive circuits. It was possible. Unlikely, but possible.

"Something the matter, oh mighty one?" Came a low hiss in his ear again.

Megatron whirled violently around, cannon charging instantly. "I know you're here, Starscream. I'm not going to even ASK how you managed to squirm your way out of this one. I SAW you disintegrate! But I know you're here. Show yourself."

"Oh, but I'm not here, mighty Megatron." Starscream's voice sounded amused, borderline laughing at him. "Look for yourself."

"Enough of your tricks." He scowled, slowly surveying the room in search of wherever the Seeker was hiding, or transmitting. He would not fall for another of his schemes again. "Come out, Starscream… so I can send you back to the Pit!"

"Oh I don't think you'd like that, mighty Megatron." Came the sarcastic reply, seemingly vocalizing from all around him. It was impossible to spot where the Seeker might be hiding, the voice came from behind him every time, yet nothing was there. Something was definitely fishy here.

"I don't care what I'd like or not." Megatron snarled, his patience quickly wearing thin. Starscream was the ONLY one who could have ruined the good mood that, ironically, he himself had created in the first place. "Show yourself, coward."

"As you wish, mighty Megatron." Came the sneering reply. Something shimmered at the corner of his vision. The seeker seemed to materialize right out of nothing. "Go ahead." He urged with the same sarcastic drawl to his voice as Megatron swiftly lifted his cannon to aim at his chassis. "You'll only blow a hole through your door." Megatron only replied with a fully charged blast of his fusion cannon. The blast tore straight through the seeker and slammed into the entry way, blowing the door straight off it's track and melting metal around the now gaping hole.

Starscream stood unscathed, smirking knowingly at him.

Megatron slowly lowered his cannon, optics wide with fury. "How…." He hissed in an infuriated voice.

"Tsk tsk. Losing your temper does not become you, mighty Megatron." Starscream sneered. "Especially when you have no one to receive the blows of your tantrums."

Megatron glared intently at the seeker. It was a trick. That was all. Now that he was able to stop and regard Starscream more calmly he could see there were subtle differences about him. He appeared paler, washed out, as if faded by the sun. There was also a slight transparent quality to the mech. He could faintly see through his body to the still smoldering wall behind him. "I don't know how you managed this, but you continue to grate on my nerves, Starscream." Megatron hissed. "I will not be tricked by another one of your ploys. You have played this card before, you think I would be fooled by it again?"

"Forgive me for underestimating your intelligence." Came the sarcastic sneer. "You have obviously… seen right through me."

Primus… he was making jokes. That was never a good sign. It showed Starscream wasn't afraid of him. And when Starscream wasn't afraid of him, he was the most irritating glitch in the world. Megatron scowled and stomped past the seeker, slamming his fist into the communications panel. "Soundwave. I have an intruder in my quarters. Run a scan for any unauthorized signals."

"You won't find any."

Megatron made a point of keeping his back to the seeker, ignoring him. There was little that Starscream could do with whatever hologram he had managed to project. All he had to do was find the object projecting it, and he would be free of this irritation.

_"Megatron."_

"Yes. Where is it?" The tyrant demanded.

"_No foreign signals detected."_

Megatron paused, feeling rage simmering deep within him. "What?! Check again."

_"Scans run twice. Result confirmed: no foreign signals detected."_

"Told you." Came the soft sneer from behind him. Megatron snarled and whirled about, glaring at the smug seeker who regarded him with folded arms. "You see… haven't you figured it out yet?"

"Figured WHAT out, glitch!?"

Starscream leaned forward, blue optics glittering. "You DID kill me. And I've chosen to HAUNT you."

The expression on the tyrant's face was one that would be ingrained permanently in the seeker's memory files for eternity.

- - - - -

"Are you certain?!" He asked for what had to be the tenth time in the last few minutes.

"Affirmative." Soundwave ingrained calmly, turning to face the tyrant with his usual blank expression. "No foreign objects. No foreign signal. No traceable energy signature."

"Then WHAT caused that little glitch to suddenly show his ugly face here again!?" Megatron snarled, pacing up and down his room furiously.

"Inconclusive. Not enough data." Soundwave replied, watching his leader stalk to and fro. "Suggestion, self-diagnostic."

"What?!" Megatron whirled on the new second in command, crimson optics alight with fury. "Did you just SUGGEST this could be a manifestation of my own processor?"

"Affirmative." Came the reply, only after a very small hesitation. "Self-diagnostic: best way to eliminate option."

Megatron frowned. Soundwave had a point. If his processor was glitching it was best to find out now rather than suffer with that… abomination. Haunting him indeed! "Could this be sabotage of some sort?"

"Probability: likely."

"Then I will see to a full self-diagnostic. However…" Megatron scowled. "You are to mention this to NO one, do you understand?"

"Affirmative."

"Do not interrupt me. I will inform you when I am finished."

"Understood."

"Good. Now leave."

Soundwave turned and exited his chambers, stepping through the gaping hole in the wall without a second glance back at the tyrant. The Constructicons would have quite a job cut out for them repairing the damage, but for now Megatron had just ordered everyone to stay well away from his chambers. No one dared disobey him when he gave an ultimatum. He turned to his recharge berth and lay down again, sighing in frustration as he began to pull up the self-diagnostic protocols.

"You realize that won't work either, don't you?" Came a smug statement off to his right. His jaw tightened as he pointedly ignored the presence of the Unwelcomed One. "There's nothing wrong with you, other than the obvious of course."

Megatron promptly shut off his audio receivers and off lined his optics, plunging himself into blissful silence.

Orns later….

_Diagnostic complete. No anomalies._

Well slag.

"Told you."


	24. Chapter 24: One Shall Stand

**My Madness, My Saving Sanity**

_**Chapter Twenty Four: One Shall Stand, One Shall Fall**_

_By: Nightelfcrawler_

_Author's note: While this is G1 based, I've made Starscream a blend of his G1 and Armada personalities just because I find the dichotomy of it fascinating. It takes place in no particular timeline, following no particular events. Also, please review politely. If you haven't something nice to say, keep it to yourself please. Also, I despise nitpicking, please don't make comments about grammar or single spelling mistakes. Enjoy the story, don't be picky._

_Here it is, the long awaited ending. Less the epilogue. Enjoy!_

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For the longest time, no one noticed anything different about Megatron. After all, his moods were as well-known as his swift punishments. If he was irritated and violent, one typically knew to stay away. It was therefore very unfortunate that when that irritated and violent mood didn't ease up after a few days following his explosive outburst in his room. No matter where he went in their base, Megatron was a storm cloud of violent fury.

It was even more concerning that by now nearly everyone had caught him TALKING to himself.

Hook glanced worriedly at Scrapper as both watched the tyrant stalk out of the rec room with his daily allotment of energon, having snarled venomously at empty space off to the left of his elbow, telling it what to do with itself. "Is it just me or…."

"It's not just you."

"Good." The Constructicon chugged a deep gulp of high-grade, worriedly watching the retreating back of their leader as he vanished around the corner. "If I didn't know better, and I probably don't, I'd say he got one too many bangs to the noggin."

"Yeah… but you know how often he comes to the med bay. He won't let you near him with a five foot pole so long as he's not leaking fluids."

"Yeah… I wonder if I could spike his energon and do some diagnostics at least… that ain't healthy, talkin' to the air like that."

"Don't let him hear you sayin nothin' about that, Hook."

"We're all thinkin' it though. Haven't you thought it's odd. Heard him curse at Screamer the other day. Ain't that glitch dead? Why's he talkin' to him then?"

"Haven't a clue."

"Aw crap, can the chat."

Both of them quickly shut up when Soundwave stood up and approached their table, his visor gleaming with a muted glow of his optics studying them both. The Constructicons all avoided his gaze with clear guilt. Though it was impossible to hide from Soundwave's infuriating mind-reading, often he left everyone alone and didn't usually approach anyone about what he overheard. However, ever since he'd taken Starscream's old position of second in command, no one had been very willing to treat him with quite the same indifference as before. Therefore, when he spoke to them more like a comrade than a superior officer, it took them all by surprise. "Megatron: mentally unstable."

Six pairs of optics lifted to regard the visored one. "You're kiddin'." Hook muttered. "Not something I can fix then, if it's something wrong inside his head. I ain't no CPU surgeon."

"Affirmative."

"You um… think he's finally lost it then?"

Soundwave turned his head to thoughtfully regard the departed tyrant. "Hypothesis…. Likely." Of course… no one saw the hidden smile behind the mech's faceplate, and no one would have expected it. After all… Soundwave NEVER lied. At least… not that they knew of.

- - - - -

"You know, I really am ENJOYING this quality time with you."

By now one would have thought Megatron would be practiced at ignoring the manifestation of his former lieutenant. However, that twitching optic ridge seemed to have developed into a chronic condition. While he pointedly ignored the lounging seeker, the tell-tale fact that Starscream's presence was wearing on him seemed to only egg the Seeker on. His smile widened as the tyrant only attempted to ignore him further.

"You really are quite a remarkable conversationalist. Who would have known, after all while I worked with you it was all action, no talk. Now… well, look at you studiously doing paperwork, catching up on record-keeping. Not a single raid on the Autobots, tsk tsk. You're slipping."

"I am not slipping." Megatron snarled, refusing to look at the apparition, but unable to hold his fury in any longer. "I merely am relishing some PEACE and QUIET without annoying glitches like YOU bothering me."

"Pity you haven't even managed to get THAT right."

That twitch pulsed faster over his left optic.

"You know… there's an easy way to get RID of me." The ghostly seeker drawled.

"Pray DO tell."

"Well you seem resigned to the fact that I'm not a ghost."

"I don't believe in ghosts."

"And you have ruled out some irrelevant glitch in your system."

"I'm in perfect health."

"And you seem to be convinced that I'm some kind of trick, left to torment you by Yours Truly."

"Clearly."

"So where does that leave you?" Starscream smirked at the scowl carving itself further into Megatron's face.

"Obviously some kind of clever trick of yours that you left behind. How you installed it or activated it just to irritate me at this particular point in time I have no clue." Megatron's crimson optics burned brightly as they bore into Starscream's apparition. "But I want you GONE."

"Well…" The seeker drawled with a coy grin. "Think about it. You've had full diagnostics run, even had Soundwave look you over. You won't submit yourself to a medical exam… poor paranoid soul… afraid the men won't respect you if they think you're hallucinating?"

Megatron grit his fist tightly around the data pad he was holding, rendering it to shards in a heartbeat. "If YOU suggest it, I certainly have no reason to go into the med bay. For all I know the Constructicons were waiting to take me apart the moment they seek weakness. I will suffer putting up with your insufferable presence, as there is NOTHING you can do other than pester me to death."

"Hmmm perhaps." Starscream mused. "But you haven't considered one thing yet."

"What's that?"

"Obviously I would have had to plant this so-called device on you before you cast me out… and I had many reasons to overthrow you before then, but no knowledge of what would happen afterwards. Yet here I am with a perfect memory of everything you've done to me." Megatron frowned. He had a point. His mind turned over that as the seeker continued. "Therefore, whatever it is you suspect is infiltrating your paranoid defenses clearly had to have been planted AFTER you cast me out."

"Yes…." Megatron frowned darkly, not looking at the seeker as he began to sense where this was going.

"And where is the only place I've been since you booted me off my aft and left me to rust?"

"The Autobots." He hissed darkly, optics narrowing to slits of blood red light. They slid over to stare at the smirking seeker. "But how do I know this isn't a ploy?"

"Oh really…" Starscream rolled his optics. "An Autobot ploy to plant me into your subconscious in order to coax you to an ambush? Really innovative, mighty Megatron. Honestly nothing would please me more than continuing to keep you company." The grin widened as Megatron's scowl deepened. "Please, ignore any of my attempts to bait you into attacking the Autobots. I SO love them after all. Goodness knows I wouldn't want to have you attack them!"

The data pad turned into small crystalline powder as Megatron's fist tightened and smashed into his already shattered communications panel. "Soundwave. Gather everyone NOW! We're going to have a little fun."

Behind him, Starscream's smirk turned into a smug grin.

- - - - -

"So…tell me… do we actually plan on storming the Autobot base….? Without a plan?"

"Seems like it."

"Um… don't get me wrong…. I like killing Autobots… but this seems kinda…."

"Suicidal?"

"Yeah."

"That's why I'm all pumped for it!"

"Figures."

The motley group of Decepticons were flying, driving or hitching rides towards the open empty desert. The plus side of the situation was that everyone in their faction knew where the Autobot base was. The down side was that every single one of them was questioning the sanity of their leader's decision to storm the Autobots by surprise and simply go for a full out slaughter fest.

Granted no one in this group was against senseless violence, but there WAS a limit to how smart it was to just barge into the enemy stronghold.

Only… no one was about to question Megatron at this point.

"Soundwave. Report." Megatron growled as the Ark's lower thrusters became distantly visible to their optics. "Any sign of the enemy?"

"_None."_ Came the curt reply over his con. _"Enemy not present on surface."_

"So… either they're not expecting us, have gone out on a mission, or are all packed inside waiting for us to show up." Megatron mused.

"Seems like you have it all worked out." Came the snide reply from his left, where gliding along calmly beside him was the apparition of his arch nemesis, smirking at him as always. "Should be easy, right?"

"If I asked for your opinion, I wouldn't want useless advice!" The tyrant snarled, provoking merely an odd glance from a few of the other Cons flying nearby who obviously hadn't heard, and couldn't see Starscream's ghostly appearance beside their leader. "So shut up."

"You are the very pillar of stability for your troops." Starscream drawled out sarcastically, but vanished into nothing again as he often did. Megatron only hoped he'd be gone long enough to vent his rage and get to the bottom of this whole situation.

He didn't care if he had to rip his own processor out, but he wanted that vision GONE!

The Decepticons landed outside the Ark in plumes of dust and dirt, weapons drawn, and en-masse stormed the gates. It should have keyed some alarms that it was fairly easy to break down the door, but when in the middle of a battle-lust, thoughts flew right out the window. A few short blasts of Megatron's fusion cannon sent the doors smoking into cinders as the Decepticon forces flooded into the inner foyer. "Soundwave, take a squad and go right. Motormaster, take a group and go left. The rest, with me."

The three groups split off, running through the halls. None of them had been here before, thus weapons were held close as they slowly slipped down the corridors. There was no way the Autobots would have ignored their intrusion. They were likely mobilizing, waiting for them to come around the right corner before attacking.

"Megatron, sir…" Thrust whispered in a terse voice from behind him. "Don't you think it's… strange that there's not a single Autobot around here?"

"If I asked for your input, I would have SPOKEN." Hissed the tyrant, flashing a dangerously warning glare at the cone-head. Thrust quickly fell back, not even wanting to get close to taking the previous Air Commander's familiar role of punching bag.

Still… it became increasingly obvious as they moved through the Ark that something was very wrong. There wasn't a single Autobot to be found anywhere. Room after room was empty, they ran into no resistance, no guns, no automated defenses. Megatron finally ordered the rest of his group to split up to more accurately search, demanding immediate contact the moment someone got wind of even one Autobot scum. The comms remained silent.

As he rounded the corner into the control room, Megatron finally came face to face with someone who balked quickly as the fusion cannon slammed up into their chassis, whining as it powered up. "Whoa! Hold on there, it's just me!"

Megatron narrowed his optics, cannon powering down as Thrust's alarmed face stared up at him. "Have you found anything?"

"Nothing sir."

"Where is the rest of your squad?"

"W…we thought it best to split up, sir! We weren't finding anything."

Megatron's optics narrowed, but he lowered his cannon and stalked straight into the control room. Teletran 1 sat idle, no alarms flashing, completely abandoned. "This smells like slag." He growled as he stared up at the security screens, punching up cameras. Each one showed empty corridor after empty corridor, some with Decepticons slinking through the halls, but still no Autobots.

And that damn apparition was nowhere to be seen…

Something fishy was going on here….

"What do you think is going on, sir?" Thrust asked, sounding nervous. "This whole thing… it just ain't right."

"I am growing increasingly aware of that fact." Megatron snarled, shooting the mech a venomous glare. Thrust shrunk back, averting his optics appropriately, letting the tyrant return his attention to the video screens. "What are they up to then… we're in their base… we could destroy it in a heartbeat, and they are nowhere to be found…"

"Maybe it's a trap?"

He didn't even grace his minion with an appropriate scathing remark. Instead, he leaned forward as something caught his attention. "There." He said with a slow growing smirk. "What do you see?"

Thrust blinked, leaning forward to study the monitor. "Uh….."

"There. Look closely."

Thrust leaned forward studying the display before his optics brightened as the image jumped. "It's a loop."

"Exactly." The tyrant turned, a feral smile dancing on his lips. "We ARE being tricked. They are here somewhere… hiding… waiting. Me must simply find out WHERE." He held the side of his head. "Soundwave, come in."

"Sir."

"Status."

"Enemy combatants: none. Perimeter search commencing."

"Cancel that. Gather everyone near my location. We're going to plan a little sting operation. The Autobots think they can outsmart us, but we're going to see just how smart they are."

"_Understood sir."_

It took longer than he would have liked for all the Decepticons to find their way to the control room, but they did eventually make it there. By the time Soundwave finally arrived, Megatron was furiously pacing the room, on the verge of storming out of there to lead the charge with or without his full forces. Nonetheless, the gathered mechs waited expectantly as the tyrant turned to address them all. "The Autobots think they are clever." He growled, slamming a fist into Teletran 1's console. "But they will find we are not so slow as they think." There were several uncertain glances shared between some of the Decepticons in the audience, but no one dared speak up. "They are here hiding from us. Soundwave, what have you discovered."

"Cloaked energy signatures secured in docking bay." The communications mech intoned. "Suggestion, ambush."

"We haven't searched that area yet, have we?" There were numerous shakes of heads in the gathered audience. "Then it is there we must make our stand. I want everyone to follow me, and be ready to take heads. We go in full power."

Megatron was the first to slam through the heavy blast doors, storming his way into the hangar.

Unsurprisingly, it was empty.

The entire Decepticon force stood there, guns drawn, their leader directing them, only to find nothing to shoot.

Megatron's optics lit to a furious hue of burning light. Everyone watched as he slowly circled around, eyes wild and frantic, confused with the lack of opponents… until, he heard the laughter.

It was soft at first, but extremely mocking. As he whirled about, his gaze focused on the most unlikely of mechs grinning widely at him from his ranks. Megatron's optics narrowed. "Is something the matter, Thrust?"

"Oh, not at all mighty Megatron." Came the smooth reply. Megatron's optic ridge itched as it tried to twitch, a strange sense of suspicion and paranoia creeping into his CPU as suddenly he realized something was VERY wrong here. That did NOT sound like the cowardly Thrust. "Not at all. You put on a BRILLIANT show, actually."

"Thrust." Megatron growled warily. "What is the meaning of this?"

"You know…" Thrust said, casually striding through the parting ranks of Decepticons as if casually walking down a hallway. "This was quite a lot of fun. And to think, the whole time you thought it was YOUR idea."

That left optic ridge was suddenly quite active. "What?!"

Thrust smirked. And that smirk was completely uncharacteristic for the cone-head. "Open your optics, Megatron. What do you see?"

Megatron frowned, scanning the ranks of gathered Decepticons, and suddenly became aware of one single fact. Every single one of them was pointing their weapon directly at his chassis, all with hardened optics and grim expressions. His gaze snapped immediately to his most loyal. "Soundwave. Explain."

The communications officer did not have a weapon pointed in his direction, however he did not change his stoic expression as he regarded the tyrant calmly. "Megatron: inferior."

There was a tense silence as Megatron absorbed that statement, jaw set. "So. Thrust. I never in my most creative visions imagined it would be YOU spearheading a mutiny. You have never even come close to possessing a spine."

"You are so correct." Thrust said smugly. "But you are wrong on one point, Megatron."

"And what would that be."

"I am not Thrust."

Megatron actually blinked. And in that one moment, suddenly everything clicked. It was at that point that Thrust reached up and touched the back of his neck. Immediately there was a change. A fuzzy shimmer distorted around the mech, only to reform into an entirely different, and ultimately more familiar vision. "You…." Megatron hissed, voice venomous and tense, staring with wide optics nearly bulging from their sockets. "How…"

Starscream merely smirked, holding up a tiny chip between his fingers. "You know… you REALLY should have let me flaunt my background in science while working for you, and you would have KNOWN such things as this existed." He turned it over in his palm, studying it with a thoughtful smile. "It's amazing what a little technology can do. Not only to disrupt your own neural signals to allow your OWN power source to fuel the little gadget I had planted at the base of your neck…" Megatron's hand slapped up to the place, optics wide as he finally made contact with it and ripped it off. "…but it's amazing what knowing your enemy allows you to do." He spread a hand out to the side, and in unison every single Decepticon, excluding Soundwave, reached up to their neck and removed their own patches. And in that instant, the entire Autobot army flickered into existence as their facades were dropped.

"It's amazing how defenses are dropped around your comrades. It made my plan SO easy to carry out. You split them all up inside the base, and made it much easier. Take out one or two mechs, replace them with our cleverly disguised replicas, take down the rest, replace those… You never even suspected the army you were commanding was in truth your enemy."

Megatron stared at them all, jaw set. "I don't believe it." He said finally, calmly surveying the many guns aimed directly at his chassis. "You FINALLY made a plan that WORKED, Starscream."

"Amazing what a few loyal followers will do." Mused the seeker, crossing his arms smugly in front of his chassis.

"Megatron." Optimus Prime's voice rang out from the crowd as he made his way through the gathered Autobots. "We have the rest of your men detained. I offer you a choice. Surrender now, or we will open fire. You have led your men into our base with forced entry, despite given circumstances drawing you here. You are outgunned and outnumbered. I suggest you surrender peacefully."

Megatron smirked. "Like hell."

"Wait." Came a calm and suddenly icy voice. Optics shifted to regard Starscream as he slowly took a few steps forward, putting some distance between himself and the crowd. "Prime, you know this has to end between us." Starscream said firmly, optics never leaving Megatron's. "One of us will fall here today. If it is me, feel free to shoot this slagger dead where he stands. But I WILL face him alone."

Multiple optics shifted to plea with Optimus. They all knew time after time Starscream had fallen at Megatron's hand. Immortal Spark or no, they did not want to see it happen again. However, Optimus watched the two as they faced off in silence, sharing memories and hatred in that single moment. It was inevitable really. Everyone knew this had to happen. "Everyone is to stand down." He ordered firmly. "Allow them to settle their differences."

"But sir…" Prowl started to interrupt.

"They must settle their issues independently of us." Optimus said quietly. "Some scores are not meant to end with surrender."

"How right you are, Prime." Megatron growled, turning to address his former second in command as Starscream stepped forward. All the Autobots backed up, giving the pair room as they began to circle each other. "This is MY fight… against my traitorous, too-stubborn-to-die second in command!" He lifted his cannon, crimson optics gleaming far too bright for any normal sane mech. It displayed the madness lurking right beneath the surface. On the complete opposite plane, Starscreams' azure optics gleamed cold with complete sanity as he faced off against his former commander. "One way or another, this ends here. I don't care HOW many times I have to ram my fist through your spark, your life is MINE Starscream!!"

"I think not." Was the calm reply. In one swift motion, Starscream crossed his arms and simultaneously detached each wing-sword from his back, igniting them with brilliant energon-infused crimson light. "I have defied death at your hand not just once, but twice. I have finally outsmarted you. Your reign is over, Megatron. You are yesterdays' model, broken and damaged. For the longest time I swore it was I who was being driven into madness by your hand. But now I see that I had to walk that line between the sane and insane in order to finally reach you where it hurt the most… Admit it. I'm better than you at every turn."

"You will NEVER be better than me!" Megatron snarled, lunging forward with a feral snarl.

Starscream deftly twisted aside, one sword parrying the cannon aiming for his head, the other slamming into Megatron's shoulder with forceful intent, and the battle began.

At first, it was clear Megatron had the strength advantage and firepower over the Seeker. Though he only had one primary weapon at his disposal, his grip and fists more than made up for the limited charge length of his cannon. He managed to wrestle a grasp on Starscream's left arm at one point, swinging the seeker about into a bulkhead with such phenomenal force, everyone heard the crunch of metal as his side caved in. However, Starscream didn't seem to let it affect him, as he quickly recovered by slamming his free sword into a vulnerable point in Megatron's extended arm, nearly severing the cables in the process. Megatron hissed in pain, releasing him, and the two began to circle again.

Starscream lunged forward with amazing speed, startling the tyrant as he feinted with both blades aimed for his neck. Megatron brought his cannon arm up, the most armored part of his body to parry the blow, only to be taken by surprise as Starscream went into a roll, blades slamming into his right ankle. As the roll took some of the force out of the blow, it wasn't enough to sever the limb, but sparks flew violently as Megatron stumbled back limping, energon dribbling onto the floor in a slow splatter of drops. There was an audible release of exhaust as the watching Autobots came close to nearly cheering at the move. Silence resumed however as Megatron fired up his cannon at the seeker's still turned back. Starscream only had seconds to throw himself aside before the blast streaked by his head, catching him in the knee as he rolled. A low hiss of pain escaped his vocalizer, but he pushed himself to his feet, continuing to circle with a slow limping gait that his opponent matched.

They were completely even, blow for blow.

How long it lasted, no one could say for certain. The match seemed to draw everyone's attention like a moth to a flame. No one could look away, no one dared shutter their optics for fear of missing something important. Both Megatron and Starscream were refusing to back down. Each had enough injuries to have sent them into stasis long ago. Sparks were flying off severed cables, energon splattered the floor and colored their bodies. Megatron had numerous severe gashes littering his silver armor, Starscream was nearly blackened with scored hits and distorted metal. But neither was backing down.

The tension was stretched so tight in the room, everyone knew it would snap any moment.

It happened in a split second.

One moment Megatron was glaring hatefully at the Seeker, cannon aimed right at his chassis glowing violently violet with roiling energy, the next moment a brief thought flickered over his processor as his energy level flashed critical. The seeker had not been looking for random places to hit him simply to score hits, he had been aiming to purposely sever his critical cables to drain his energon supply. He was running very dangerously low… and taking time to notice this was his mistake.

Starscream was on him in a heartbeat.

The entire fight up until that moment had been blow to blow, physical strikes against fusion cannon. After all, Megatron thought of Starscream as inferior, a weaker fighter. No one had the firepower he himself packed, and thus this was the mistake he made. Starscream had once commented how his cannons were nearly as strong as Megatron's own.

That had been before he 'died'.

After all, what was the benefit of coming back to life if you didn't have a few surprises up your sleeve.

Megatron found his face occupied with a glowing energon blade as the Seeker slammed into him full force with surprising strength, forcing him to the floor. It was then a strange tingling numb sensation crept through his entire body, the same moment his optics registered a glowing light dying from the twin cannons mounted on Starscream's shoulders, cannons which he had yet to fire in this fight. As he stared upwards at the seeker's smug expression, the realization of his mistake slipped into Megatron's mind. Starscream hadn't re-built the cannons he'd used in their last fight… he had turned them into null rays. And not just ANY null rays… an upgraded model.

"Well, well, well…" hissed the seeker, one foot solidly planted in the middle of the tyrant's torso, both cannons pointed directly at his face, and the twin energon swords crossed beneath his neck

Megatron tried to move. He sent the signals to his limbs, but the signals either were ignored or never reached their intended destination. Either way, not so much as a finger twitched, as the tyrant lay completely and utterly helpless at the hands of his former second in command. A furious expression slowly smoldered it's way into his optics, as his lips pulled back into a sneer. "Congratulations." He hissed. "It seems you finally did something RIGHT for once." His gaze hardened. "What are you waiting for, coward. End it."

Starscream's azure optics were alight with fury and hatred as he gazed down at his fallen commander. Millennia of history hung between them as their gazes bore into each other's optics, years of hatred, years of rebellion, years of plotting exchanged in that mere second. Around them, Autobots and Seekers alike held their breaths, not daring move, not daring speak a word as they watched a historical scene play out before them. Everyone knew what was likely to happen, yet…

Starscream leaned closer, his voice low and soft yet clearly audible to every listening receptor in the room. "Do you know the reason I joined you, Megatron?" When he received no answer, the swords pressed harder into the mech's throat. "I joined you for two reasons. One, I was a deluded idiot drunk with foolish ideas of grandeur, devastated by the loss of the only role model in my life, and craving to destroy everything I was to become a new mech. Two…" His gaze hardened further. "… because believe it or not, when I first met you, I respected you. You were a warrior. You had vision. You knew what direction we needed to take to better Cybertron, and weren't afraid to do things that others balked at to make it happen. I respected that. I could see success through your actions. But do you know something else?" He leaned so close that their noses practically touched. "I lost that respect for you after I found out what a coward you really were." Megatron's optics narrowed venomously, but he said nothing. "You hide it well. You call ME a coward, you made an example of me to prove how strong you were, but it was all to hide the truth. Without fear, without threats, you are just another mech with delusions of grandeur. Every attempt to wrest control, to take command of Cybertron has failed miserably. You have destroyed our home, split our men and scattered us among the stars. You have only led the Decepticons under your reputation of fear. Without that, you are nothing. Less than nothing."

Starscream leaned back, some of the pressure easing as his swords pulled away from the mech's throat, their glow dying as Starscream slid them smoothly back into place along his back. Megatron's optics widened in shock as the seeker stood up, realization sinking in that for whatever reason, Starscream did not intend to finish what he'd started. The seeker stood tall, foot still firmly planted on Megatron's chest, as he gazed down with pride and a new sense of self-worth. "I never thought I would be the kind of mech to embrace the Autobot's soft-hearted ideals. I don't believe in granting mercy to those who don't deserve it, I don't believe that I should waste my energy being 'nice' to you. However…" His gaze hardened. "If there is one thing I learned, it is that I don't have to prove myself to someone to you, I don't have to take a life to show how much I have grown. I am stronger than you, and for that reason, I will not kill you, Megatron. Instead, I leave you to suffer a much worse fate… being tried for your crimes, thrown in a cell and left to rot in misery for the remainder of your pathetic life."

And with that statement, Starscream turned and walked away from his fallen foe.

Megatron stared blankly at the ceiling, unable to comprehend the words that had been spat in his face. No… he would not accept this! This was NOT how it was supposed to end! A boiling surge of fury filled his processor with raw uncensored hatred, overwhelming every sense he had. And in that moment, by pure loathing alone, Megatron managed to shake off the null ray's dehabilitating effects and push himself half-upright, cannon igniting to full power aimed right for the departing seeker's back. An inhuman howl of vengeance tore from his throat as his sights locked on Starscream.

Simultaneously, no less than fifty blaster shots unleashed themselves into the fallen tyrant triggering an early release of energy that slammed towards Starscream.

There were few times in the Air Commander's life that he would claim to owe his life to anyone.

This was one of the rare few times.

Skywarp slammed to the ground on top of his wing mate as they re-materialized out of the warp that he had initiated to save his commander, panting with wide optics as he desperately peered down for any sign of fatal damage, several meters away from the still smoking crater right where they had been. "Screamer?! Talk to me!"

"Get the… frag off me, you glitch!"

Relief rang through the hall as Skywarp stumbled off his wing mate, lifting him into a half-sitting position as all optics shifted back in tandem to stare at the still smoking target of every single mech's weapon target. No one spoke, no one moved. Starscream stared with wide optics, Skywarp supporting him tense and prepared to make another jump if he needed to.

It was soon obvious that it was utterly unnecessary.

Ratchet was the first to move, walking slowly through the debris and energon-slicked floor to kneel beside the motionless figure of the fallen tyrant. A few nano-clicks later, his head lifted. "He's finished." He said firmly.

"You're certain?" Optimus was the first to reply, walking forward to stand beside his medic, staring down at the twisted remains at his feet.

"Unless he too has an immortal spark…" Ratchet said wryly, shooting a sarcastic smirk towards Starscream. "…I seriously doubt he could survive having his spark chamber vaporized. There's nothing left capable of sustaining life." He stared down at the dull lifeless optics staring blankly towards the direction his cannon had fired it's last shot, towards the seeker he had been trying to kill with his last breath. His optics were wide, facial plates frozen in a half-look of horror and shock, probably as the last thing he'd seen was Skywarp saving Starscream's life in the nick of time, robbing the tyrant of his final vengeance. The lack of light, the slightly graying to the once bright silver armor, and the slow leak of energon pooling beneath the motionless body was all that was needed to verify the one single and very final fact….

Megatron was dead.

The room still was muted with hushed silence, as nearly everyone still was afraid to grasp onto this one concept, afraid it wasn't true, afraid that it was just a mistake. Therefore, it was Starscream who's voice pierced the quiet first. "I want to see him." He said sharp voice, raspy and strained as he fought to push past the pain of the numerous wounds that were clearly having a severe drain on his system.

Skywarp shot him a dirty look. "Like frag you are. You'll bleed out all over him and go offline. Imagine how embarrassing that'll be."

Starscream merely grabbed Skywarp's wing tightly, yanking down HARD much to the seeker's protesting squeal of pain. "Help me up, you slagger! NOW!"

"Ok, ok… sheesh…. TC, give me a hand. He's fraggin' heavy."

Thundercracker swiftly moved towards the two, slinging one of Starscream's arms over his shoulder as Skywarp grabbed the other, and together they hoisted him into a standing position and helped him walk towards the place where Megatron lay. Starscream said nothing, his face a placid calm mask as he stared down at the motionless figure, took in the energy readings and had a very long and hard look.

A smile worked it's way across his face. Not a sarcastic smile, not a mocking smile… but a genuine smile free of malice and scorn. It was a smile that spoke of freedom, and of peace. "May Unicron hail your spark, Megatron." Starscream muttered in a low voice. "And may the Pit never return it to the Matrix."

"Right. Now that you've sufficiently cursed your fallen commander…" Ratchet said, fixing the seeker trio with a firm unblinking stare. "You are to go straight to the med-bay. NOW. Primus, you're a handful."

Starscream's optics lifted to meet the medics, and his smile widened, with an almost cheerful glitter to his gaze. "Yes, doctor." He said in a distant voice, as if still cocooned in his gleeful victory.

"Move it." Ratchet ordered, swatting at the two coherent seekers. "Before he bleeds out all over the floor."

"No problem." Skywarp said, nodding to Thundercracker. In seconds the three were gone in a shimmer of violet light.

"Ratchet. I want you to place Megatron in a container suitable to send his remains to Cybertron." Optimus said solemnly gazing down at the fallen Decepticon leader. "Alive or not, we will return him home if only to be a reminder of what we have fought for… and what we have lost."

"Aw… You mean we can't play hockey with his head?"

Ratchet actually hesitated long enough to shoot a questioning glance to Optimus.

"No, Sideswipe. You may not."

"Frag."


	25. Epilogue

**My Madness, My Saving Sanity**

_**Epilogue**_

_By: Nightelfcrawler_

_Author's note: And here is the final installment. Hope you all enjoyed! I may be doing something with this line of fics in the future. _

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The mood in the brig was less than enthusiastic. But then, this was to be expected of several dozen imprisoned Decepticons crammed in a tight space for days.

"I don't get it. How'd he trick us ALL?!"

"Cause you're as dumb as a post."

"Shut up."

"Frag… Megatron's going to be pissed."

"It's been nearly a whole cycle… what do you think the Autoscum did to him?"

"Probably got away, knowing him. Left us all to rot."

"Ok, now I know he'd leave behind a few of us if we're stupid enough to get caught, but his whole fragging army? Come on, even HE'S not that stupid."

"Good point."

The brig was not only crammed to full capacity, but it was quite uncomfortable to be herded into each cell, five cons to a bunk. Not only had this prevented them from recharging, but it had put every single one of them in a very bad mood. Coupled with the fact none of their weapons worked within the dampening field, and you had a very grumpy army.

Their mood wasn't lifted any when the doors into the brig subsequently opened, revealing their least favorite mech.

It was quite amusing to note the myriad of reactions to seeing the former Decepticon Air Commander waltzing in well and alive, with Megatron's head in one fist. No one dared say a word as Starscream stopped in front of the cell block and shifted his gaze to scan every single one of them. Needless to say, their attention was riveted on him as he began to speak. "Megatron is dead." He said unnecessarily, holding up the severed head, staring at it with a small smirk. "And you all have a choice now." His optics slipped back up to regard them all. "You can either accept the fact that I am now in charge of your sorry afts…." There were several short snorts of mirth at that statement. "…or…" Starscream continued as if he'd never heard their laughs. "You can remain here as prisoners, return to Cybertron and face a full inquiry into war crimes."

That shut them up quickly.

"What the hell…" Dead End snarled. "You'd let us all rot here!? Who'd you lead?"

Starscream didn't smile. Instead, he lowered his arm, Megatron's head dangling lifelessly at his side. "I couldn't give a flying frag if you all chose to stay here." He said simply. Dozens of confused optics regarded him. "Today as official Leader of the Decepticon forces, I signed a non-combatant treaty with the Autobots. As of today, the war is over."

"WHAT!?" The cacophony of angry voices filled the room.

Starscream waited patiently without speaking until the protests died down. Then, he shot them all a sharp glare. "We have lost sight of our goal, Decepticons. We once dreamed of ruling Cybertron, of peace through war. Through the ages, Megatron lost sight of that goal and our mission, our end motive turned into hatred. Mech against mech, bloodlust and power alone driving us. We lost sight of our focus and let our hatred drive us. And I ask you, where has that left us?" He gazed through the ranks, optics sharply daring anyone to protest and interrupt him. "It has left us broken, disorganized and has finally lead to the one who led us in this direction to fall by the very sword he forged himself. Today, we focus our sights on our original goal. To rebuild Cybertron."

Starscream threw Megatron's head carelessly towards the wall, allowing it to drop with a dull thud as he began to pace in front of the row of cells. "Many of you may not know that long ago there was not just one Prime that oversaw the Council. No, before the Matrix was held by a single mech, there were two rulers of Cybertron. One who oversaw diplomacy and one who was responsible for the protection of our people. It is an ancient custom, one that even our own history has lost track of. And it is this that Optimus Prime and I have agreed is the best way to unite our people once more." He paused to face them all again. "Strictly speaking, there will be no more Autobots and Decepticons. While there is no way for either faction to ignore the millennia of history between us, hatred for faces we well know and hate, anyone who fires upon another mech will hereby be held as a prisoner of war and tried for his past crimes. And I do mean EVERYONE." His gaze bit sharply into the watching cons. "So I tell you once more. You have a choice. Step outside your cell…" He punched the release function on the door, and every single door opened swung open, energon charged force fields dispersing. "…and you accept these terms and serve under MY command. Those who do NOT accept it, remain seated please." A sarcastic smile flashed over Starscream's lips. "Someone will be along to shoot you shortly."

Despite years of hatred barring the two factions apart, when given a choice it was amazing how quickly the Decepticons decided getting along with the Autobots was in their best interest.

Of course… there was still the rest of Cybertron, not to mention Shockwave, left to convince.

But that would be dealt with another day.


End file.
